Relationships  Discussion Forum

I am a married for last 3 years. Being so conservative and studious, I was too ignorant about sex. But my first night was a disaster. He simply jumped in to sex and was acting so experienced. Also he have high sex urge and we still do sex around 5 times a day.

8 months after our marriage I came to know that he had sexual relationship with girls before marriage. He also admits it but says that he never did it after marriage. But I know that he was hanging out with girls even at midnight. He says it is friendship. Truth I dont know.

We had fight almost every day as he is too short tempered. Also my mother in law and in laws treat me badly. I wished to end our relationship but couldnt fearing it may affect my dad n mom badly.

Now he is playing the role of a nice husband. He says that he only loves me. But whatever he do doesnt please me at all. Still I act like loving him just to avoid him shouting on me. I am just enjoying a calm life now but I dont feel like loving him.

Can I trust him and believe that he loves me? Please suggest me. Secra replied. Dear Shilpa,

I understand your state of mind and sincerely hope things get better real soon.

However, i can' t help but feel that you' re not giving your marriage enough chance to succeed. The only problem clear from your message is that, you think he has been sexually active before marriage and has a high sexual appetite. These problems are not uncommon and can be resolved with a little understanding and patience.
Look at it this way, you admit that you were ignorant about sex till your first night. Also, you might have imagined a different kind of romantic approach from your husband that night but he came across as very eager and wanted to have sex immediately. You see, both of you were not perfect...the fact that you were totally ignorant about sex can also be a dampener then, why just blame him? And trust me, Men are like that...when it comes to sex, specially in the initial days they lose patient and come on very strongly.
now, comes the part of his life before marriage. Well, tell me this...what if he had completely refused to acknowledge the fact that he was sexually active? What would you have done? Respect the fact that he was honest with you and has also assured you that he has not been with another woman after marriage and that to me is most important. Each one of us has a past and each one of us needs to accept our partners with that past, which comes as a package. It is of less importance, what he did when he was not with you, what is more important is what he is doing since he has been with you...so here is my clear advice to you
1)Be patient and give your marriage a real chance by talking to your husband
2)stop doubting him till you have hard evidence of his infidelity.
3)if you do not like his hanging out with girls, let him know politely and very clearly. This is your right.
4)if after 3 yrs of marriage he still wants sex 5 times a day (although i find this very strange), consult a sexologist for either treatment of counselling
5)Start looking at him as your life partner and try to appreciate his good points. If you have a problem, let him know...do not live an artificial life just for temporary calmness cause this will some day erupt as rage and destroy both your lives.

lastly, YES, YOU SHOULD TRUST HIM & BELIEVE THAT HE LOVES YOU. Trust and belief are the basis of any relationship and you should also give yours a fair chance of succeeding, otherwise you' re not being fair to him and yourself.

All the best...

Regards

Secra