Relationships  Discussion Forum

I am writing on behalf of my friend,as she is not computer savy.

Please give serious advices

My friend is 30 yrs old working girl & a divorcee.She got divorced due to extreme cruelty from her inlaws and husband for 4 yrs.

Now she wants to get remarried,as she' s very lonely.

But her parents are v. mean.They want her to promise that if her future husband and inlaws torture her & are very mean,she will tolerate like a good wife.Otherwise they will not get her remarried.

So they blackmail her like this.So she' s losing her peace.
She already faced so much cruelty earlier and now she has to hear daily that all inlaws and husband are usually cruel with daughter inlaws.But wives should bear injustice somehow.

If she rebels,they taunt her further that they will they get her remarried only after ensuring that she bears her own parents' taunts quietlyotherwise how will she get the \" practice\" of bearing taunts when her inlaws trouble her?

Now please advice what she should do,so that she gets remarried on time(she' s already 30+)and also gets a refined family,without any emotional pressure from her parents?

Kindly note she wants to have only an arranged marriage.

Thank you very much
Secra replied. Dear Shweta,

Forgive for my lack of empathy here but I think most of the misery in your friend' s life is self created. The reason that i say so is, she works for a living & is old enough to live separately, then why is she still in her parent' s home? Why does she want her parents to marry her? They have done their bit by marrying her once, its very unfortunate that it did not work out. The very fact that they feel burdened again to marry her is enough to precipitate rude behavior. Also, why after getting burnt in an arranged marriage, would she want to marry a stranger again? My suggestions, for her:

1) Take control of your life by moving out immediately
2) Speak to your parents and tell them that you intend to start and live your life on your own terms
3) DO NOT THINK ABOUT MARRIAGE RIGHT NOW
30 is not too much of an age, don' t panic and get into anything that you' ll repent again
4)Establish yourself first in your new home and experience the life without tensions and hassles. This will get you into a positive state of mind.
5) Make friends from your workplace and let them know you' re open to a relationship, if you want
Most Importantly, learn to ENJOY LIFE and live it on your own terms...

All the Best !!!


Warm Regards

Aditya Secra replied. Dear Shweta,

Forgive for my lack of empathy here but I think most of the misery in your friend' s life is self created. The reason that i say so is, she works for a living & is old enough to live separately, then why is she still in her parent' s home? Why does she want her parents to marry her? They have done their bit by marrying her once, its very unfortunate that it did not work out. The very fact that they feel burdened again to marry her is enough to precipitate rude behavior. Also, why after getting burnt in an arranged marriage, would she want to marry a stranger again? My suggestions, for her:

1) Take control of your life by moving out immediately
2) Speak to your parents and tell them that you intend to start and live your life on your own terms
3) DO NOT THINK ABOUT MARRIAGE RIGHT NOW
30 is not too much of an age, don' t panic and get into anything that you' ll repent again
4)Establish yourself first in your new home and experience the life without tensions and hassles. This will get you into a positive state of mind.
5) Make friends from your workplace and let them know you' re open to a relationship, if you want
Most Importantly, learn to ENJOY LIFE and live it on your own terms...

All the Best !!!


Warm Regards

Aditya SK replied. Shweta,

I sympathise with your friend.Unfortunately, this isnt a very unusal scene in our Indian society.

You mentioned that you friend is working and is a divorcee.I fail to understand that what makes her stay with her parents in that case?? Ask you friend to move out of her parent' s place and take up a home of her own either nearby her parent' s place or somewhere else.By doing so she can lead a life on her own terms and the way she wants and yet maintain a cordial relation with her parents.She is working in any case so she can manage her expenses.If she wants to remarry she can use the matrimonial websites to choose a partner and then decide.
She is 30 and doesnt need to listen to every thing that her parents say,I' m sure that she is intelligent enough.
All the best to your friend - SK