Relationships  Discussion Forum

hai friends,ours is arranged marriage....my husband is working in research field..i met him before marrige once or twice..but i found him that although he is good he is not romantic...he is not having any bad habits like smoking,drinking etc....not even girlfriends in his life...but i expect him to talk with me in full of love,emotions,or minimum to watch romantic movies...he is not interested in those stuff and all...i know he loves me...but his love lack romance....he will never hear any cine songs, hear only carnatic songs, sing at times...but somehow i want him to feel my love to him..i love him a lot...but when i met some guys in my office or even in parties, i feel that i could have married them...even my office security is having too much love to his wife i feel when he expresses his love...even my neighbour who is running 60s love his wife a lot with romance...but sometime i fear that even i start loving that 60 years guy or office security...because i am craving for some romantic sense in my husband...i dont know whether i will go mad....he is not having any sincere feelings or love towards me i feel...but when i ask him he agrees that he love me a lot...but even though we are young he will behave like a matured man in public..not behaving like a charming guy...kindly reply how to change him...i dont want him to be like cine actors but atleast understand that i am craving for his sincere love... replied. hi,
i am sensitive gud looking very fair, having great personality guy..looking for like minded females..u can have my number n we can have gr8 chemistry...
bye ramesh replied. take a tour with me pranathi replied. me tooooooooooo anusha replied. hai guru, after a lot of efforts now i can see some bit changes in my husband...now he is following me if i am upset with something and asking me why are u so upset my dear...? and he tries to solve it...but you know it had taken nearly 2 and half years to bring him like this and i am only half way succeeded atleast in this attempt. But when he came to me and asked me why i am upset...? i cried a lot because this is the first time i realized that he loves me...he asked me with such care and i can understand from his eyes...he patiently listened to my problem on that day (eventhough it was very silly thing that made me upset....) and tried to solve it..But you know in my cousin marriage everyone scolded me as my hubby was not participating in anthakshari, will talk only in a mild voice, being alone where everyone was dancing singing songs starting from kids to old age people...Certain things i expect him to be a normal man....atleast eventhough he cannot dance or sing atleast he can clap and encourage all...but he didn' t do...he just watched and went very calmly...even i was there in anthakshari...but he didnt came and support me...what to do...? God only must change him...Anyway thanks a lot my friends..let us hope for the best...!!! TALKtoGURU replied. when he does something even half hearted ,in loong run he will have interest and do it with in his own. Its like i am asking u to introduce romance to him but with compelling.....Like feeding the first scoop of the tasty food to an crying kid, then once the kid taste it good , then automatically the kid will come to u for the food. so feed ur hubby with compulsion. As u don compell all these ......many men take this for granted and never do this in life...Even u can go to the extreme lesson in the BED , like make him behave romantic for loong time before going for the real SEX ..like kissing etc...if not don allow for SEX. Its afterall some hard lesson were u need be more stronger ..Best of luk ANU ..Have romance ..tc TALKtoGURU replied. but anu i knw wat u feeling now .u knw all this but he s not doin it ...thats is the problem .yes .but , when he say he loves u lot , ask him to show that by this way , if not u wont beleive u say TALKtoGURU replied. Just tell him to take u to places like moutain resort and a candle light dinner there , or to beaches on a full moon day ... late nights and hold hands and walk and just play with him in ur terrace in rainy day ...play some old love melodies in bedroom with lights off....make him kiss u before leaving to office everyday....like thisss there is quite lot TALKtoGURU replied. Hi anu,The basic problem in ur issue is , he is an research guy, u knw most of the research guys will forgot that there is something called emotions and feelings ...rather they think ....everything is just brain related and they fail to understand that , there are lot of things in life which is heart related.i don say all the research guys are like this but the ratio like this are more.Normaly most of the guys dont understand diffrence between Romance and Lust.So they have to understand, romance can be done with the partner even with looks and without even touching each other.also many guys take it for granted that after all my wife . u know many guys are more romantic with others wife. Its not that they are not romantic but as they own it they ignore the value of \" wife and her expectations\" .In ur case Anu ,all ur expectation is true and normal. Ur hubby is not romantic and says he love you a lot, which i cant accept. The basic law of luv is to fullfill the expectation of the partner without her knowledge and surprise her with ur care and love.If he really loving u ,he would have atleast taken one step towards ur wish on being romantic hubby.Make him understand that life is ful of romance and emotionssss.Tell him that there is nothing called love without romance SK replied. Dear Anusha, I can understand your plight. Reading your mail made me realise that you are not alone- there are many many of us women who do not get the emotional love they always yearned for. From my experience- I can only say that you become stronger. If he likes Carnatic music then get some knowledge about it so that you can show off that you know about it but in return he does not know songs of your liking. Does he show emotions to his family example- his parents? brother sisters? Observe what he likes to do- what his passions are and then try to master those things. Another way could be that you take the initiative and become very chirpy and romantic with him. Dont feel disheartened or angry if he doesnt like your behaviour or gets angry on you. You have to behave doubly romantic with him - for yourself and for himself as well. Keep on holding his hands, asking him to take you to parks, movies and when he does take you- tell him that you are so happy being with him and enjoying with him. Does he listens when you talk? Talk to him about your life, childhood and some nice movie stories you enjoyed.
Let me know if this helps.
God bless you abc replied. Hi..

I feel I am also sailing in same boat.. after 10 years of our love marriage.... I have never got even a single rose from my husband..I have to fight with my husband to get anything.. I have to keep on telling.. how others like their wifes.. now a days I feel jealous.. of someone.. who is good with their wives.. finally I feel sad and betrayed.. I feel nobody likes me in this world.. I am so depressed and bored in life.. anushar18 replied. thanks for replying to my message...we are married for 2 years...we are not having any children...the reason being he is having diabetes, blood pressure and low sperm count.my age is 28 and he is 31..we have regular sex and he is under treatment to increase his sperm count...he is doing yoga,exercise, walking etc etc...to have a child as soon as possible...other things such as family matters,shopping,financial matters etc...we will discuss...though i am having full financial control as he is spending a lot for unnecessary items...he will discuss with me his official issues also...and since i am MBA and he is M.TECH i cant provide much solution as he is of different qualification...i can understand him and i told him directly itself atleast to hold my hand while walking, putting hands around me, or atleast kid me when we are going outside for reception or marriage or parties...but he is not doing that..he is very much sincere in his office...but sometime more dutiful to all also becomes a problem to a wife like me as i am fun loving, jovial etc etc, i never take even things seriously...but i cant live like this..such a moody type of person in public...i want to change him a better person to suit today' s living...what to do...?? Hema replied. Dear Anusha,

How many years are you married? Do you have children? What' s your age? and your H' s age?

I have this feeling that your H may not be romantic but he is an intellectual. Quite likely he is feeling that you are intellectually a mismatch to him, quite possible that few of her female colleagues understand his thoughts better than you do!

Do you have regular sex? Do you discuss family and financial matters? Do you shop together? Does he discuss his office or even remotely some of his research thoughts? What subject is his research on?

I think you need to love the person that he is and not demand what he is not, keeping in mind, he loves you the way you are! However please answer my questions, we will continue to talk about this. Wish you good luck.