Relationships  Discussion Forum

I always get dippressed about how my life turned out after marriage but I am learning slowly that I am not alone at all... 50 out of 100 women are having almost the same life as mine. But how u r living with it differs... Some get dippressed not able to defend themselves... Some change others and also their lifestyle to suit the surroundings... Some get used to it eventually and Some quit... I fall in first category... Not able to change myself nor others but trying to analyse things that wouldn' t change... Everybody think if you are in abroad living away from both parents and in-laws will find some peace... What they don' t understand is that we have plenty of time to think all this stuff and get frustated a lot... Even if I am in India I would have been thinking what I am thinking now... I don' t know how others feel about what category they are but I always blame the society who brought up some set of rules for women to follow... Rules are supposed to guide us in the right path... But not restrict us from being ourselves... This society has rules for women starting from birth to death... In every rule the women are supposed to sacrifice... Technology is changing... Atmosphere is changing... But the rules never change... Who made these rules... Our history and epics also teach us the same. Inspite of so many sacrifices done by women they tell us that all the wars started because of women. Women are guilty always and men are heros always as per them... I don' t know how this all started but all I know is women themselves are digesting these rules on them... Sometimes I get so frustrated that why should we live a life like this. It is better we don' t have a brain to think or a heart to feel then there would not be any problem. We would be machines performing the tasks ordered. Why not be robots? I don' t understand why men are seen different from women. Everything is same in both expect for one. For that one reason women have been sacrificing all life. Why should women have the periods and pain? Why should women hide body? Why should women leave the house and family after getting married? Why should women take permission to visit her own parents after marriage? Why should women stay at home taking care of the house, husband, in-laws, kids and sometimes even go for another job along with all these tasks? Inspite of doing all these things Why should women be silent for any critisism, mental and physical torchure by the people at in-laws? Why should Women be blamed for how the kids behave? Why should women sacrifice all these things and still pretend happy and look happy when she is not really? In some families it might be quite opposite but I am talking about the families who see women like they have no brians and heart except some energy to perform all these things... I really hate living this life...I hate my father raising me like this.... I hate my in-laws framing rules for me till now after 7 years of marriage.... I hate my husband when he knows everything and still follows the rules... I hate everybody... I might be wrong but all I know is this is not right... I may live this life till I die... But even when I am dying I' ll remember how I lived my life...
Secra replied. Dear Namrata,KS, Kareena, Mel,Natu,

I really felt sad after reading all the posts. I know life is not easy, but it certainly is not that bad. Like Sarika correctly said, look at what we all have...

Anyways, here my two cent advice to all of you and others who feel similarly...the easiest thing in the world is to give up and feel lost, cheated and trapped etc etc. There is not an iota of doubt in my mind that you' ve all faced a very difficult life. However, instead of feeling sorry for yourself take things in your own hand, stand up for your self and change the rules that exploit women. Imagine if every woman had given up similarly you would not even be enjoying the life that is today and we would all be living in even worse times. Some one, some day decided that enough is enough and made a bold decision to change, it is because of that woman and other women like her that changes happened and we got a better life. Lets look at what we CAN DO to stop the injustice and not what we cant do.
Its not the problems that determine your but your attitude towards the problems that does !!!

Smile, life is beautiful...we just need to shift the angle of our vision and look at it differently.

All the best!!!

Regards

Secra KS replied. Hi Namrata- though your post is quite old- but right now my heart has been reverberating the same thought as yours. Men in general are hopeless. You be strong and best of all -dont give such importance - be firm in thoughts speech and action.Try to be independant of them- emotionally and financially. There are thousands of women like you whose good wishes will guide and nurture you. Glod blees you kareena replied. I too feel the same way as yours.I feel you are voicing my thoughts too. Mel replied. What you are saying is true. That women always have to sacrifice more and suffer more.

But, there are 2 sides to every coin. I agree with Sarika. Focus on the good parts. Remember, kids love their mums more. And NOTHING is more important than that. I would trade everything else for this. Wouldn' t you ? Or would you rather have every happiness, and your kid loves others more than you ?

You have ONE LIFE, NAMRATA. Learn to be happy for your own sake. Your ILs want you to be unhappy, and you are doing what they want. Don' t give them that satisfaction.

Focus on the positives in your life. sarika replied. hello namrata n natu

why do you feel so depressed everyone has one or the other problem in their lives,namrata u yourself told 50 out of 100 women face same situations ,but my statistics tell 95 out of 100 are in the same state ,yet they are finding some solution n try livng happily.
i fully agree with all ur agony n pain,this is wat is called life.just read through some posts where women are in much worst situation than us,i read such cases n feel definitely am in a gud position,why dont u think so.u by urself categorised women so wat if ur in 1st category try changing urself for better that is wat i think is some solution n ans to all ur questions.
be happy with watever u have
just go with points like you are physically fit ,having pretty kids ,earnings are gud etc etc,many do not have these things like physically challenged,no children ,no money,dont u think u are definitely better.

think positive n be happy
am not talking philosophy
even i have undergone much mental n physical turmoil natu replied. hi, me almost the same situation. except for my kids i hate everything about this life and marriage. my childhood was not very pretty. i thought if i marry life would be better. its worse, like from the frying pan to the fire. atleast before marriage i had some ways to escape for a while. but now i am trapped. i have a husband who has no feelings for me. always complaints and find fault in everything i do. blames me for everything that goes wrong. hmmm.... i also feel life is so unfair....i feel like just leaving everything and everyone behind and just run away. the only thing that stops me is my kids. i love them so much. but i dont know how long i can go on like this. i even stopped praying. stopped hoping too. in a few days i' ll turn 30. all i wish is death finds me soon.