Family  Discussion Forum

hi all,
im really amazed to see this topic.. im just jumping out of joy that there is a forum which can really help me out in this situation.im new to this board.. here goes my story.. im married for 1.3yrs.. my hubby before marriage has spent some 30L in building a house for his mom and sister at his home town(sister and family stays with my MIL since she got married and my hubby has been taking care of them all the expenses. SIL hubby does nt earn much and even the expenses of their son is being managed by my hubby )but nw after marriage i came to know that he has soooo much of debt coz of this construction. we r not in a position to meet our basic demands like our monthly expenses.. we dont have any small facility at my home.. nt even a good furniture we want to buy... but the house at his home town has evry single faciliy with so much of sophistiacation... sooo many costly furnitures.... but on the other hand we dont have anything for us.. we cannot use that house anymore since its impossible to go out there and stay since we r living in a city where my husband works and we usually go there hardly.. nw the biggest problem is howmuch ever i control my temper im not able to do it and i shout at him for wasting such a huge amount.. since the day of our marriage we have lots and lots of argument and end up in fighting.. i love my husband very much because he is innocent and wen it comes to finance im becoming tooo tempered.. now he is still meeting my SIL expenses monthly.. i have been telling to talk with his sister to take care of her family sisce its imposiible to take of 2 family at a time since we r nt billioners.. but he is nt ready to talk with his sister since she will think bad itseems.. i dont understand this,, atleast my SIL should have commonsense not to disturb us.. they live a well settled life wen compared to us... we dont have kids still im very much worired about our future.. we have problem in conceiving also adding to that this financial problem.. all these r eating my brain.. im totally out of my control and end up in crying.. my hubby do feel bad for spendig such a huge amount in that house which he cannot use.. and he also feels bad that he cannot keep hinself fullfilling our basic needs...
can any one please help me what shuld i do nw... we cannot ask my SIL to vacate the house since my husband will nt do it.. my SIL thinks to continue her life like this by bringing up her family with my husbands earning... i have tried many times talking with my hubby to sit and talk with his sister about our problems but he is nt ready to talk with her..... i definitely dont like my SIL since she is very selfish and not even bothered to consider our situaion.. im really very much afraid if this will ruin my life.. i love my husband i want to make him understand that in a long stance this will ruin our life.. dont know wat to do...
all these months from the day of our marriage my hubby has never beeen like this without talking to me.. where ever he goes out of station he would call me up and stay updated.. but last few days he is out of station but nt called me... these changes in him is adding pressure on me.. i cannot lead a day without talking with him..
he feels im only bothered about money and nt about him and always fight with him on the matter of money... according to me security for our life is important i do nt want our kid to suffer because of us.. am i wrong.. am i nt fit for him.. am i money minded.. tears role my eyes wen i write this.. please help me.. waiting for your reply... i love my hubby sooo much..
im sorry if i have bored you gals.. my brain has heated up sooo much and i just want to vent out.. im sorry if i have bothered u all by writing such a long letter.. help me.. namita replied. i totally understand your anger and frustation because i am in the same place. it is not easy staying with a person who put' s his family' s priorities after other' s.(u are his first priority and after that caomes his sister.)my husband and i fight and don' t talk for more than 2 months because of this. even now when i am writing this reply we are not on talking terms. anyway....from my problem to yours..u cannot put up with this for long because after u have a baby this this kind of spending on his sister cannot go because once a baby comes expenses multiply.tell your husband to talk to your SIL husband. you are not wrong in anyway and stop feeling guilty.but don' t let your husband move away fromu.see o it that he communicates with u ona regular basis. financial stability is importand in today' s trying times. tomorrow if we need money no one is going to help us. so it is always prudent to save for your future. on your part what u can do is , if your husband gives u 10000 per month try to spend 8000 and save 2000 no matter what.i used to do this in initial years of marrige. it is difficult because sometimes i would want t o buy something for myself but then due to savings i could not. anyway....if u are educated and don' t have responsibility like children why don' t u start working that way u can save some money for future.this is the most u can' t do. otherwise everything is on your husban' s hand. i really wish that god could have men like these a little sensible. because there are mentally harassing their wives because of their behaviour.i don' t know the circumstances but with your husban' ds permission can' t u directly talk to your SIL, if he is reluctant to talk.just be brave. u have your whole fuure ahead of u. even after 6 years of marriage i am facing this problem but it is better after my daughter was born but it is s till there. i cannot enjoy my married life because of this because we always end up fughting because of money. i don' t care whether he thinks i am money minded but we ahve to stand up for what is right. if we don' t control they might cross the limit. i wonder can we ever solve this proble. wishful thinking. i hope not. anyway after venting my anger on this forum and learning that some women face this problem it made me feel that there are cases like this. but still it does not solve my problem.will it ever be solved?