Relationships  Discussion Forum

hi,I have a very different problem.Please take time to read fully and help me. im married for the past 8 months.It was an arranged marriage.At first everything went very smooth.But now im irritated of my Il' s behaviors.Its very difficult for me to explain my problem.My husbands family is very close-kitted.First it gave me happiness.But now i feel trapped. My mil(widow) lives alone in another city,me and my husband live in B' lore.I am not working after marriage,since i had plans for child as soon as possible.And i am pregnant now.
My Mil is very sweet.And this is my biggest problem.She visits b' lore now and then.She nvr lets me do any work.As soon as she enters home, she takes over the kitchen activities.She asks me to go and take rest and does all the house hold works.It appears that she is the sweetest mil one can ever have.But dis attitude of her irritates me.Even if i offer to give her any help,she will say,go and take rest.It happens from the day when i got married.If she comes home,she never sits.She keeps doin any household works.She cleans the kitchen,washes the clothes.It makes me feel guilty,since im not interested in always doing household works and i do things at my own pace. She interferes into every house activity and never lets me do anything as my wish. And for all dis my hubby keeps advicing me, plz help her in work,as if im not doing anything.Also since living is costly in b' lore,she gets too many things from trichy(my husband' s hometown, like wheat flour,etc,saying that all dis saves money.But the quality seems comparatively less.I always look at the quality for buying anything rather than money.But i have no say for all these things.Every time she comes here she brings something or the other which is totally useless.I just cant stop her from doing dis.
She also interferes in the talks i have wid my husband and nvr lets me take any decision concerned wid finances.We have a bathroom which has two doors, of which one opens to hall and the other to our bedroom.One day early in the morning she entered our room thro' the bathroom door to take her clothes left inside our room.I feel dis is the most indecent thing anyone can ever do. I have a sil who is elder to my hubby and married.She also interferes in our decisions a lot.When she came here for hols,she even started advising me as to what groceries shd i get.I feel dis is too much of interference. Another big irritating thing is that,they force me to eat.My mil keeps filling up my plate as soon as its emptied,without even asking if i can eat.As it is im a very bad eater.Every hr and then,she keeps giving me something to eat in my hands.Now i started getting nervous when dining time reaches.Now it has become worse since im pregnant.She fills my stomach as much as she can.Then not even one hr has passed,she comes wid milk, then a fruit.Im scared of over-weight child if i eat at dis rate.I even told dis to her. I feel like these two ladies rule my home.I have no decision making powers concerning anything.
My husband has been his mom’s son from his birth.And he thinks she is the best mom in the world and he is surrounded by gud ppl.I absolutely have no problem looking after my Mil or being close to my Sil since they are very sweet.But my problem is that there is too much of interference.I cant decide anything on my own,and sometimes my husband shares everything we spk to his mom.when I ask him abt it,he says my mom will not mistake anything.But I never like all dis.Too much of sentiments irritates me.Also my husband does not take any idea of mine regarding financial issues.He discusses everything wid his mom.He thinks im not matured enough and treats me like a child.Otherwise he is so loving and caring.Please help me advising me how to take the control off my ils and rule my house myself.I absolutely have no problem in looking after them,but I want my house to myself to make my own decisions.Please advice me since all this is making me sleepless.Please..
prada replied. I understand your problem.Too much of interference is annoying.Unfortunately indian MILS or SILS do just that.But one thing you got to understand about your MIL is that ,she being a widow ,as you mentioned,is only trying to engage herself with work,in order that there are no empty hours in her life which may give her a feeling of loneliness and hollowness,due to her husband' s absence.She might' ve started this from after her husband departed from her and she' s only continuing the same even in your house.And she' s ignoring ,if it is bothering you.She' s not too sweet to you ,she' s rather too hard on herself.Pity her condition b' coz too much involvment in a work is not habitual but it' s an obsession.Your MIL seems quite obsessed with work.
Bring her out of it.Encourage her to involve in something useful to her age and mind.Like spirituality or a long lost hobby of her.Bring her some stuff which keeps her occupied like knitting ,embroidery or reading books of interest and so.Or if she cannot keep her away from working ,then give her work which may require her to sit and do like she does the cutting and you do the cooking,she does washing and you do the drying part.For if you let her do everything ,soon you' ll feel like a stranger in your own house.
But since you are now pregnant ,simply enjoy being away from work atleast for a while.
Regarding your MIL overfeeding you,its your stomach and you know better how much you can have and you don' t need to eat with so much guilt.Say strictly no to her or take it but say you' ll eat later.
But think how much time you' ll get not having any work,this is perfect time for you to get closer to your husband.Start sharing your thoughts and feelings positively and let him come out with his thoughts.It is real hard to make men speak out their innermost feelings ,but not impossible.The more you feel comfortable in their company ,the more they feel free to express themselves.But do not worry too much about things and have a happy pregnancy time. prada replied. I understand your problem.Too much of interference is annoying.Unfortunately indian MILS or SILS do just that.But one thing you got to understand about your MIL is that ,she being a widow ,as you mentioned,is only trying to engage herself with work,in order that there are no empty hours in her life which may give her a feeling of loneliness and hollowness,due to her husband' s absence.She might' ve started this from after her husband departed from her and she' s only continuing the same even in your house.And she' s ignoring ,if it is bothering you.She' s not too sweet to you ,she' s rather too hard on herself.Pity her condition b' coz too much involvment in a work is not habitual but it' s an obsession.Your MIL seems quite obsessed with work.
Bring her out of it.Encourage her to involve in something useful to her age and mind.Like spirituality or a long lost hobby of her.Bring her some stuff which keeps her occupied like knitting ,embroidery or reading books of interest and so.Or if she cannot keep her away from working ,then give her work which may require her to sit and do like she does the cutting and you do the cooking,she does washing and you do the drying part.For if you let her do everything ,soon you' ll feel like a stranger in your own house.
But since you are now pregnant ,simply enjoy being away from work atleast for a while.
Regarding your MIL overfeeding you,its your stomach and you know better how much you can have and you don' t need to eat with so much guilt.Say strictly no to her or take it but say you' ll eat later.
But think how much time you' ll get not having any work,this is perfect time for you to get closer to your husband.Start sharing your thoughts and feelings positively and let him come out with his thoughts.It is real hard to make men speak out their innermost feelings ,but not impossible.The more you feel comfortable in their company ,the more they feel free to express themselves.But do not worry too much about things and have a happy pregnancy time.