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Joint Family:fed up
2005-02-23
Name: rc



My mil’s sister is very outspoken and she has a habit of poking her nose in other people’s business. My mil always insists that we should call her often (on her b’day, anniversary, or festivals). Or sometimes she (mil’s sister) calls her on her own. We live in US and we both are working. It’s been 3 yrs of our marriage and at least for a year we don’t have any plans for babies. My mil always insists for grandchild but she doesn’t understand our busy schedule and financial status. She also wants that we should come back to india and settle down with her. Whenever we talk to my mil she has the same things to talk, about “when you are planning to have babies and when are you coming back”. We have told her frankly about our plans that at least for a year we are not planning to have kids and no plans to come to India in near future. She knows this but she keeps asking the same question again and again. Not only my mil but her sister is even nosier than her. She will call anytime and restate all those question what my mil has said. Her sister says things as if my hubby is her son. I get so irritated sometimes. I have cut the phone calls but they call up anytime and start discussing the things. Even if my hubby is not at home they will call and argue with me. Both these women have made my life miserable and I am just fed up of all this.
Is there a solution that both these sisters can just stop bothering me.
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2005-02-23
#1
Anonymous Name: rc
Subject:  thanks for caring



ruchira and augustborn,
thank you for caring so much. my husband has a brother but he doesn't stay with his mother he lives in a different city in india, he also has a sister and she is married. my mil's sister has four daughters and no sons so she plays her mil role by bothering me.
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2005-02-23
#2
Anonymous Name: ruchira
Subject:  just one more point



abt your MIL , i cant really say much coz i am also pareshaan with my MIL.. but this board is g8...all these nice ppl gave me also some good suggestions.
is ur hubby the only son or only child
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2005-02-23
#3
Anonymous Name: ruchira
Subject:  i am with u



hey my mils sis lives in the same building as us.. can u imagine mil away from mil..hehhe..she also bugs me off...but she is least of my problems... but frankly even my husband is irritated with her so i can just ignore her.. but my inlaws keep asking me to talk to her as they know their sone wont. i call her up once in 2-3 weeks..earlier i used to invite her over for lunch or dinner every two days but when i saw tht she doesnt appreciate i stopped slowly.i know if i speak to her .. she starts asking questions n stuff. so i avoid talking.if i meet her in the elevator or laundry i just say hi how are u.everytime she sees me in the laundry she asks me y are u always doing laundry... every tme she calls me up n i am cooking she tells me arre u are slow hamesha cooking hi karti rehti ho.. earlier i used to give justifications.. now i dont... i just say yeah...i like cooking.. or yeah i am going to the laundry.. just give her vague answers..
These ppl just need information and gossip n a chance to prove tht u are incompetent...no information no chance
next time she asks abt baby.. tell her.. arre hoga toh aapko toh bataungi hi na. or jaise hi i come to know ièll tell u..
say it once or twice.. she will keep quiet
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2005-02-23
#4
Anonymous Name: augustborn
Subject:  Two MIL's!



Dear RC
Seems you have to cope with two MIL's...you surely aren't in an enviable position...:)
You really need to put your foot down.
Why dont you politely but very firmly tell your MIL and her sister that you appreciate their 'concern' but would greatly appreciate if they didnot ask these questions as it stresses you out. They may not like your answer and may even feel offended but this is the surest way to get out of it.
Life in US is not a bed of roses, one has to work very hard and on top of that if you have to be subjected to this kind of stress, its surely not worth trying to keep peace and be polite...
Tell them plainly that you dont mean to be disrespectful but you would rather not answer such questions...

keep the faith!
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2005-02-23
#5
Anonymous Name: rc
Subject:  thanks friends



thank you much for your help. My mil and her sister live very close by, so they meet very often and discuss the things about dils etc. I ve done everything like telling them what LS said that I told you last week/month about this, nothing has changed from our side. Or making something up, but these two ladies have become a nuisance now. They keep bothering me everytime with their silly questions. I sometimes don’t pick my phone also thinking that in case either of them is calling, in my dreams also I worry about them. My mil discusses very small small details about our life with her and she knows everything about me and she pokes her nose. Sometimes I feel they r like a gang against me.
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2005-02-23
#6
Anonymous Name: augustborn
Subject:  missed this point...



another thing...keep your conversation as general as possible...any questions about"kya khaya..kya piya...kahan gaye...blah blah" should be answered very vaguely...if you wont give her any ammunition to play with..she can hardly resort to arson....:)

take care...
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2005-02-23
#7
Anonymous Name: julyborn
Subject:  Hi rc



yes, be strong while talking to them....As far as you mil's sister is concerned ....whenever she asks about baby...just tell that last time when you talked with your mil ...u have told her...so in short tell mil's sister that get all the info from her sister,....

as LS said for everything just keep on telling as soon as we decide about baby or going back we will tell you first....

And stop answering phone calls for sometime....maybe that will give them the messege...
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2005-02-23
#8
Anonymous Name: LS
Subject:  Be direct while talking to them



Just be direct in your answering back to them. If MIL's sister asks you next time,tell her, as soon as you decide something ,she will be the first to know. The next time she asks you again just tell her with a little annoyance in your voice \";I told you last week/month about this,nothing has changed from our side\";. The third time she is on the phone,just avoid her. Tell your husband to tell her that you are not home.
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2005-02-23
#9
Anonymous Name: V1
Subject:  Avoid !!



Tell them .... going out will call back .

Answer in two words : NO PLANS
Coming to India : No plans
Babies : No plans

Change topic .
Ask questions to them .




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