Relationships  Discussion Forum

hi
i am 34 yrs old and having a good caring hubby and two sweet kids ...Financially stable...Right now i am staying abroad since last 4 yrs ...but very soon will go back to india ....but i am findind difficulty to set back in india ....we are so used to the present lifestyle ..and quite happy here ...i feel i will loose my frredom as i have to stay back with my IL...my ILS are good but sometimes we have fights on very minor issues especially with my MIL...lAST 4 YRS I WAS TOATALLY away from all thesse ....Now again staying back with them making me uncomfortable ...my husband is the only son ..i am not atall thinking to leave my ILS alone as i alos love them and care them ....dont at all want them to suffer ....but thinking of arguments i become more tense ...other problem is my SIL also stays near by ..my mother in law always keeps comparing bet us and always favours her ...i am a science PG ..but i have not ,developed my career...now i have lost my touch to the field ....i am a HOUSE WIFE NOW .....and my SIL runs a play school....sometimes my MIL and FIL pass taunts that i am not doing anything but i am confused now what can i do after so many yrs....they are insisting me to join her play school ...that i adont want to do...(may due to my ego or fear that my MIL will become more aggressive passing taunts )......my hub says that after going to india i can start my business (under his guidence )....but i dont know whether i can do it or not .....as English (spoken and written )is my major drawback and as i may notdoing anything i have to join her play school ...that i dont want ...i want to say \";no \"; to play school but HOW....i want to do something on my own ....not by someones favour especially ILS ...i want to live respectfull life ...MY MIL feels if you can not earn money you are a fool and dumb...they think that their kids are only extraordinary and others are dumb especially me ....they say i am not a good match for their son ...sometimes they present (?)titles like \";chalu \"; for me ...whenever i am with them i am tensed and then i make mistakes in routine life...i am of forgetfull nature ..and with them
i become more.what should i do . ??? augustborn replied. Hey there

To begin with, dont let anyone make you feel guilty about being a homemaker. That is one hell of a job...
You are an educated lady and if you choose not to work, there is no reason you should...Trust me, had you been the prime-minister of India, your IL's would still say that your SIL has a better job than yours...dont even try to compete with her. My SIL's dont work and I used to work(I am an IT professional)when I was India and my IL's used to say that 'had my SIL's been working, they would have been better than me'...so you see, its never 'win situation' for you.
Regarding your situation about living with them, you will have to think very hard. Even if you decide to live with them,I would suggest to keep space(e.g if you have a house and not a flat, furnish a portion of the house the way you want. That should be your space, your sanctuary)...

Lastly, you dont have to take crap from anyone...Plain speaking helps. If you dont like something, speak out and clear the issue. Dont get bogged down by people. They will hurt you if you let them...

Best of luck... V1 replied. I suggest you sit down yourself and clear some thoughts on

Living with inlaws or living seperately .

Dont get emotional about living with them if it causes you unhappiness . If you are unhappy with them it will lead to more unhappiness in inlaws house .
You can look after them living little away also and have mental peace too .

Decide yourself first then speak to your husband . Discuss pros and cons .

Take charge of situation . julyborn replied. I felt sad reading your mail...sometime back i was also undergoing the same pressure from my in-laws...but see we have to be strong...no matter what we have to handle...

You r 34 years old and plus u r educated...so do have options with you once u go back to india.....

1. You can try out a new business as your husband suggests...if you r not confident then u can do research for that initially.....that will build up your confidence in yourself too...

2. Or you can try and find a job...maybe part-time in the beginning...to see if you r interested in working...

3. Or just try and do something from your home itself....

4. Or just ignore your MIL's taunting...just tell her you r one of those females who r happy being house wifes and taking care of kids.....tell even raising good kids is equally important as doing a job....

Even doing a job or starting a business...you do it for yourself....to show them that if u wish u can do it tooo...like your SIL.....don't just do it because your in-laws want u to do....

and lastly have a open talk with your husband about your fears....try to explain to him nicely....see he might understand your problem....

GOOD LUCK!!!