Relationships  Discussion Forum

I am a married women with a 6 mt old baby. We married with mutual consent and dated for 6 mts before we got married 2 yes back. I just discovered the he has financial liability amounting to lacks, has court cases against him which were hidden from me. When i accidently found out and confronted he says it is none of my business. He was sweet at first but his behaviour has become increasingly worst day by day, he abuses me and was physically voilent when i was 7 mts pregnant. He has a terrible anger and flares up at almost little things. My MIL has created immense problems for me by pointing out to everything that i do as wronmg which also leads to many arguments between us after which i am treated badly with always leading to i will leave you threats. I am an educated girl and was working till i bacame a mother in April 09. He counts every penny that i spend and refuses to give me money to even buy clothes for our daughter. Please help prada replied. Dear Sheila,
When a relation reaches the stage of physical and emotional abuse,its no more a healthy relationship.I can straight away say walk out of it.But I understand how difficult it would be for you after your baby is born.
Men by nature are egoistic and they get repulsive when questioned.They don' t feel its necessary for them to answer all the questions we ask.But when we insist that they ought to provide answers ,they turn agressive and sometimes violent,as in your case.
My heartful advice to you is ,please keep your mental peace,think about your baby.Do you want all these arguments and problems affect your baby? I know your answer is ' no' .So concentrate on her.Create your world around her.Do not get into arguments for your own good.Try to distance yourself and your daughter from all the mess.
Here I would also like to mention ,what your husband is going through.May be all the financial troubles are taking a toll on him.And when you confronted him,he turned abusive.May be he never wanted to let you know about the financial issues,but when you got to know it all,he' s finding it difficult to manage.And like any other abusive husband ,he played his part.He doesn' t feel guilty to do so,coz there are supporters all around him,your MIL,from whom he might' ve learnt that being abusive is no big crime.Its a wonder how MILs take it for granted when they themselves create problems in relationships.
Try to pull your husband out of disturbing situations.Talk to him ,give him space,infact take your own space,discuss non-relavant topics with him,indulge him in your daughter' s day-to-day activities and so on.
If you start noticing any change in his behaviour with all this you can be sure that his problematic conditions are dominating his attitude but he still is a nice person.And continue doing so untill he feels great comfort in your presence,untill he starts sharing his problems.You can then come to possible terms on how together you can resolve the issues once for all.