Relationships  Discussion Forum

we have two children and we have a nanny who stays with us during the weekdays and my brother-in-law comes to stay with us on friday and leaves on sunday night. on friday he comes in just about the time kids are in bed and leaves on sunday just after my husband picks up our nanny. initially he used to live with us for an year or so till he found a job. after he got a job, he moved to his own apartment, but still comes to our home every single weekend. this is going on for the last 2.5 years. i feel like i have no time alone with my husband. when he is here, my husband does everything together with him, going to play sports, cooking (my husband likes to cook), watching movies/tv, shopping and me and the kids spent time together. this is driving me nuts. he follows my husband like a puppy everywhere.this happens even when we go for vacation. i have brought it up with my husband many times, but he says he doesn' t want to ruin his relationship with his brother. i was hoping that he would get married soon as the parents are looking for a girl for him, but my BIL doesn' t take any initiative at all that i don' t see anything promising happening anytime soon. this is putting so much strain on our own marriage, that i was telling my husband that we would be two people staying in the same house and living separate lives and staying together for the sake of kids. i think this is even having an affect on my husband' s relationship with our children. the kids adore their uncle as he spends a lot of time with them because when my husband runs errands and i am cooking , BIL spends time with the kids. my husband has outsourced playing with his kids to his brother. so the kids want me to play with me , and if i am busy they want to play with their uncle and never their father. my younger daughter won' t even go to my husband if i am not right next to them. but she is ok going to my BIL. i wish my brother in law will not come to our house so often, that we get to spend some time as a family together. the sad part is my husband is such a nice guy and is really a soft hearted person. ssk replied. Hi Celine,
I have gone through same dilemma in life.My BIL was staying with us right after 4 months of our marriage.He came to us to search for job,got job and started living with us.all said its good for us as my hubby does travelling as a part of his job,and my bil' s presence would help me.He is good to me,but u know,i had to change my schedules to adjust with him.where ever we go,he was there with us.i had to take care of him,while pregnancy also and my hubby only thought he is a great help just by being there with us.U know,i used to fight with him for my bil' s errant natures of sleeping ,watching TV etc etc.many times i was wrong,may be...but i was uncomfortable.My child loves his uncle very much,yes sometimes even more than his dad.i was also waiting for his marriage and eventual separation...But i lost my patience when my hubby asked him to stay with us even after marriage and he also did the same.he used to go with his new wife to movies and all when my hubby is away,and never bothered to ask me along.My child used to cry and ask me where they went!!!
of course my BIL is a nice person and he respect me.I also like him.But with the presence of my new SIL,i was even more uncomfortable...she is goodlooking,and i started comparing myself to her and feel sad!!!I started behaving rudely and made them know that they are no longer welcome in my home.This made me a villain in front of everyone.My fights with hubby increased like anything!!!!My hubby is very protective of his bro,as he is the only sibling he has.and for him,there is no reason to feel the way i felt!
But thankfully,when we purchased a new house,my bil shifted and started living on his own.May be,they understood what i want.I have a peaceful life now.My son is now a lot more attached to his dad.i still keep a good relation with them.But the past has some effects on our life still........... mother replied. all these things that you have mentioned is temporary.... all this will change when he gets married ...its just matter of time.. be happy the kids are having a grt time with their uncle..that part of the brothers together.. just image their childhood days...they were together all the time. i also would like to say that you BIL may not be matured enough to understand your feeling.. your MIL could advice her younger boy to stay put.but it looks as though that is not taking place too.. Do not take all this very seriously... its unwanted tensions in your life...there are much bigger problems in this worldd that you may have to encounter... be happy...