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Womens Issues:confused
2009-05-16
Name: PS S



Dear friends,I am married for 4 yrs now and have a sweet 2 yrs old baby.
My hubby is very ambitious and all of a sudden he has put down his papers and wants to go to abroad for 1 yr and do higher studies leaving me and my baby here. I am working and can manage our living but still am not able to digest this.
My FIL is supporting him otherwise nobody is happy with his decision since we are staying alone here. I keep my baby in Day care and go to work.
I feel my husband is doing selfishness and everyday we are fighting on this topic.
Is he doing right and I am at the false end or my feelings are quite normal???
Friends, plz suggest me whether I should take it very lightly or what shall I do to convince him to work here itself.
FYI, my husband is BE+MBA, he can good jobs here also but he wants to go to abrod and study and then he wants us to come there.

Guys, plz hep me out.
urgent.
thanks

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2009-05-23
#1
Anonymous Name: R
Subject:  Hello PS



I think your point of view is right. Currently USA' s economy is going down. Unemployment is going way up. If with his current job you can live like king, you should stay here in India. Now-a-days opportunities here are much better than US.
Well, Good luck with your decision.
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2009-05-17
#2
Anonymous Name: Mel
Subject:  Hi PS S



All of us have inherent aspirations and desires. And sometimes it differs from person to person. Husband and wife have to figure out which aspirations to follow and which to compromise on.

Unfortunately, in this country, a lot of us tend to squash our loved ones aspirations and dreams so that we can continue to live in our current comfort zone. Now, comfort zone doesn' t necessarily mean that you are enjoying yourself where you are at the moment, but it just means that you are comfortable in the current situation and are a little averse to change.

You feel that your husband is being selfish. I feel that apart from your FIL, all of you are ALSO being selfish. You want him to leave his hopes and dreams and stay here because YOU ALL want him to be here ? Isn' t that selfish too ?

And if he wanted to study and then work abroad, was he applying ? Because he can' t get admission right away. It' s a long process. If you were aware that he was applying, then I guess he genuinely wants to aim for a better life for you, your baby and his parents. (And if he was applying on the sly, then he either knew that you would all be against it, or he just didn' t want to disclose it.)

About his going in advance, what studies is he pursuing ? If it is a Ph.D, then schools pay students a stipend, and most schools have family accomodation for students with families. So, instead of being a roadblock in his dreams, why don' t you convince him to take you and baby along. (There is a visa available for spouses / girlfriends, which can be got quite easily.) So, you can apply for a job there too.

Maybe your husband realises that if he goes there, you can improve the quality of life and secure your childs future much faster that here. So, try and think from his point of view.

If you don' t trust him, then that is another issue altogether.
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2009-05-17
#3
Anonymous Name: PS
Subject:  Thanks Mel!!!



it was really nice to see your reply.actually i didn´ t mention abt my husband´ s higher studies,its such that he wants to do pilot training course at this time....all of a sudden.all of us know that the course will be of atleast for 2 yrs then struggle for a job and if he does a job here itself, w can live life like a KING. all our loans are also getting cleared this year. I feel this is better than his dreams and we can even give more time to our daughter for her good future,
what do u say Mel?
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