Relationships  Discussion Forum

dear friends,
i am a single mother of a one and a half year old son. my son has seen his father but has not spent much time with him. how will i explain that i had to leave his father because it was very difficult to be with him? i was confident that if i had continued to stay with his father, it would have affected my son in the future.so please give me confidence to come up and cope up with this life. i am happy now as i have got a decent job and my son with me. but the only thing that is worrying me is that my son should not feel bad when he goes to school that he does not have a father.
how will i explain this to him?
sanya replied. Dear Bharati,

One really never wants the child not to see the father, but at times the mother may feel the father may have not be a good influence on the child. Also if the separation happens when the child is very young, the young mother can re-marry & provide a father to the child & the child will also most probabaly accept him as the father. But if the separated husband is also in the picture the child will never accept the new man in his/her mothers life and also the coming back of the separated husband time & again may cause havoc on the second marraige. It may not be fair to the woman or the child or the second husband.
This is just a view, but needs to be considered before any decision is taken.
Sanya bharati replied. Unfortunately when the parents break up the fathers are treated as an appendage to be discarded at will.There are a lot of sad father whom I have helped to regain part of their children lives. Maybe we can explore that . If you want your child to have father the first step has to be taken by you. At asha-kiran & saveindianfamily we are committed towards helping these sad separated fathers gain confidence by showing examples of single fathers and help them get back into their childs life.
Future we com ein this world to build relationship not break No doubt you did not have a good relationship with the father of your child I will refrain from commiting whose fault it was but that should not mean that you should break ties of the father with the child. tinku replied. Dear Future,
I know plenty of women who are doing a fine job of bringing up their son singlehanded. I am myself a widow with a 10 year old son. It is never an easy job to see your son go through the pangs of not having a father, it will be a lie if I said you can do everything a father could do or be for his son but what I can tell you that a mother can do enough to bring up her child without a father. I feel honesty should be the foundation of your relationship with your son. Perhaps he is too young to grasp the situation at this age but don't give him wrong stories, later, when they grow up and realise you have not been honest with them they stop trusting you.
You must however tell him you are always their for him because children without fathers have a sense of insecurity which they carry around. It helps a lot to find them a male figure to look upto perhaps an uncle or a grandparent who could fill in at times and your son can have that man to man talk.
In due course, if you find a decent person who is ready to accept your son as his own you could think of setteling down, but here again it is a gamble where you must be prepared to bear the consequences. The most important thing is your son should grow up learning to respect your identity as an individual besides a mother. vijay replied. why yu feel bad? yu have confidenc in yr son. just yu dont tell a lie to him.yu r not just one like these situation.i wnt to talke regularly with to make feel u good.
king uncle replied. dear future,
It will be a lie if I tell you that your son will not feel bad that he doesn't have father when he goes to school.Children tend to make comparision of very small things viz tiffin boxes and this is very major issue.You have to give him information which his little mind can digest and he can provide as an explaination to his friends.You have to gradually prepare himfor questions from the world and tell him that you are there as his mom and dad.
Though it is a personal choice,I would reccomend a remmarriage for you for emotional and physical reasons.As per the letter I feel you would be in early thirties and a lot of life ahead.If you are toying with that idea please tell your child that he would have a father who loves him a lot.Don't let him watch any movies of step fathers .

my best wishes