Planning a Baby  Discussion Forum

Is it possible for adoption to remain a secret from the child? If i adopt a child, i wish that the child never comes to know that we are not its biological parents. Once the adoption process is over, is it necessary to state anywhere that the child is adopted or its as seamless as ones biological child? I know the child would know about it at some point of time, but, as far as possible? Cham replied. Hi

I am 23 yrs old now.I was adopted by my parents when 8 months or so.But as i grew up when almost 10 yrs old,thro some relatives(stupids) i came to know i was adopted.Then my mom explained everything to me.I cried so much.I wanted to be my mom' s own daughter and not her adopted.It took me few years actually to accept the fact.I remember how i cried on all possible occasions and how my cousins were concerned over me.

So my sugestion is hide it from the child as long as he/she is married.But u can hide it only when u r 100% sure he/she won' t learn it from anybody else.Thats painful. Purnima replied. read my article - my daughter, my dream on the indiaparenting site - that will reassure you. i know i also went through doubts before telling her - but the earlier you tell your child in a gradual manner the easier it is for him to accept it. he grows up with the knowledge so does not really question it. read the details of my story Hema replied. I dont think the child will know for sure unless you tell it. You do get some sort of a birth certificate from the court - I havent picked up my son's yet, so I'm not sure what it says. But it certainly wont give the info that a regular BC with give- hospital name, time of birth etc. This will have to be submitted to the school for admissions, so thats the first time that this issue can come up...If you adopt and then maybe move out of the country and if all your relatives and friends also are co-operative,then you dont have to tell the child. Make sure however that the child is a small infant.
I know you are asking for facts and not opinion- but I think I'll give it anyway. I have been told time and again and have read it everywhere, that the child does know in its core that all is not right. I know of 2 adoptees who were told the truth by evil relatives during a wedding.One of them doesnt talk to his parents any longer. Then there are pesky neighbours...
I think before adoption you should come to terms that your child is and will be different.And you as an adoptive parent have the strength to deal with what the future holds. It always better to start with the truth, than lies- and face it you will be lying to the child all thro its life.

Hema