Relationships  Discussion Forum

I have been married for the last 3 yrs and I stay separately with my husband for the past 1 year.My hubby is the only child. Our home is 2 hours drive from my in-laws place and the only reason why we moved out was that my in-laws place was too away from his office. I am also working and we both earn very decently. There has been a very strange change in my MIL' s attitude ever since we have moved out of their house.

- She calls me 4 times every day just to check what I cooked, then comments that why did I cook that particular item since her may not like it but believe me my husband enjoys every meal I cook. She commands me over the phone that I cook some particular vegetable only since its available fresh & seasonal these days. She would sometimes scold us if we eat out since she thinks that her son cannot digest outside food!! This freaks me out.
- My MIL would give her old utensils /kitchen stuff for my kitchen and make sure that I use that stuff only. If I buy anything out of my own choice, she will not like it.
- She will also specially call me just to remind me just to change bed sheets/bath towels every week, since she fears that I may forget to change it.
- It seems as if she is managing two homes simultaneously. Since we stay in the same city she expects us to go to her place every Friday & then stay 2 nights & then return on Sunday evening to our place. I find it bit difficult since I have a house to look after and weekends is the only free time I get to spend with my husband. She would always insist that we come over for the weekend, if I ask her to come over to our place she would never come citing some problem or other. I find it frustrating now.
- She would critically comment on every new item that I buy for my house e.g. furniture, curtains etc.Even if I don’t tell her that I have purchased something new , she comes over to our place for 2-3 hours after every 2-3 weeks and then she would come to know of the new item.
- Yesterday morning, I hired a new maid for cleaning my house (3 BHK) and agreed to pay her Rs 1000 per month. Just while talking to my MIL, accidentally I mentioned this to her and she created a huge fuss that why am I overpaying this maid since her maid takes only Rs 850 (my MIL' s house too is a 3 BHK).

I just do not know how to deal with her anymore. She is becoming impossible for me day by day. I did try to minimize my talks with her, but still she instigates me to talk to her.I have discussed this problem with my husband, he understands it but can’t do much about it. Most of the times I fret whenever I see her name flashing on my cell and I a times avoid answering her calls. I know it’s not ethical and good but can’t help it. I am most of the times angry and sad after talking to her.

At times, I think what’s going to happen whenever we plan a family & I conceive, my MIL will surely be even more concerned & be more control freak.

Just to mention – my husband is thankfully very loving and respectful towards my parents, so I try not to hurt my in-laws by saying any harsh words.

Another problem is that at times my husband becomes too supportive of his mum. He would want to visit his mum over the weekends and gets angry if I speak to my mother in law in a stern or rigid way. How I deal with my husband on this issue. I try to avoid my mother-in-law´ s call when my husband is not around but I have to speak to her if my husband is around. Many a times for the weekends, I do make plans for a movie or outings but my husband would come up saying that we will be going to my in-laws place for a visit. I find it frustrating now. At times my husband understands my feeling but says that he can´ t help me much on this. I have started feeling that it would have been better to stay along with my in-laws and take painful travel of 2 hrs everyday than staying separately and paying a huge price. I haven’t spent a good weekend with my husband in the past 1 yr which is affecting our relationship in some way.I have stopped making any plans for the weekend over time now because I know there is no point.

Thanks for reading this long post but please advise me how to deal with it.

Regards, Suruchi.

priti replied. i can understand ur problems...but 1 thing is good that u dont stay with them....just imagine...i stay with my in-laws....u can speak to ur husband & explain him that since u r busy with office n home it is not possible to pick all the calls from his mom...and he could speak to her to reduce the frequency of calls....u can tell him if not on all weekends at least once a month u guys can go out somewhere....or maybe plan a dinner or movie during the week