Planning a Baby  Discussion Forum

Hm. Good question. Surprisingly these questions didnt occur to us untill we brought our son home. Then it really came down on us hard...Its not about is it difficult to love another's child. Cos as women the maternal instinct usually overrides most other emotions- I mean even in the park if another's child is hurt we rush to comfort it first before looking for the mother...But the question that bothers me most and I say me cos guilt is not an issue my husband priortises; is that do I treat him differently cos he is adopted? And the answer honestly is a yes and a no. Yes becoz our relationship and love is work in progress.With my daugher my connection is 6 years + 9 months, my son and I are still establishing those connections- its only been 7 months since he came home. It is hard at times, when he would much rather sleep on the bed than on my lap...
And no, cos I thinks sometimes I come down really hard on myself- he is our second child, and parenting is easier the second time round, more casual. I dont up and die if he prefers biscuits over apples:) I was a basket case with my daughter.
So there you have it...I dont know if it has helped you. I hope some other adoptive parents also write in. This particular message board has the laziest members. :)
Purnima replied. for me she is the first and only child so i really can' t compare. but maybe girls are more clingy and not so for boys which is why he is not curling up in your lap as often as you would like. so don' t feel guilty and keep parenting! Kavita replied. Dear Hema,
Thanks for writing in.

For me, these thoughts of feeling awkward and whether I can manage, are occurring only now, more recently.

It's like this, I have known that I cannot conceive and have long since wanted to adopt.
I know in my heart that I can look after and love another's child.


But, suddenly, when the time is ripe, I am having these weird thoughts.

To compound it, since I am on the other side of 35, I feel apprehensive whether I would be a good mother in all aspects (apart from love).