Relationships  Discussion Forum

i recently came across this site & saw how so many people in distress are helped out by kind hearted strangers here.i cant discuss my problem with any people i know.so i thought i can get some help here.please help me out & save my life.

i got married 4 years back( arranged marriage) & now i have 10 month old daughter.before marriage i was in love with a guy who happens to be my distant relative.i loved him from childhood, but i could not express my feelings for him.i knew that he also loved me, but he didn' t tell me anything either.once when i was in college with great difficulty somehow i gathered some guts & told him that i love him,he accepted immeditely, but within few days he came to my home & said he was not interested in me.so i was shattered then & moved on.i didnt think of it much as i had a different set of friends & got busy with college.but i never stopped loving him.after my college my marriage discussions were going on in my family & he clearly knew about this as their family is very close to ours, but even then he didnt say anything.so i thought he does not love me & got married to the guy who my parents chose for me.
my husband is a very good man, very dedicated, but he is very boring.i always wanted someone who was funny & enjoyed life.but my hubby is always stressed out.he only talks very serious things & he has never been funny.he is too boring which depresses me a lot.but inspite of it i have always been loyal to him & i' ll always be..
now coming to my real issue.soon after marriage i came to different country.we used to chat casually.nothing personal & he started telling me that he loves me a lot & all those kind of things which i always longed to hear from him.since i was married i felt guilty to even hear such things & i completely cut off from him.no emails, no chats etc.i didnt want to cheat my husband even in minor things.its been 3 years since i stopped all contacts with him.but my memory about him has become more intense..every single day , every single moment i have thought of him since then.whatever i' m doing, where ever i' m going i keep thinking of him.sometimes i regret for avoiding him completely.i' m really missing him now.due to this i have forgotten what happiness means.i' m constantly depressed & crying.my hubby comes from work & asks me why i' m sad, but i' ll have no answer for it.
i' m moving apart from my husband.i feel like taking a divorce at times.i dont know how i' m going to spend the rest of my life like this.i' m loving someone else, but living with somebody else.i' m dying every minute.this is killing me.dont know what to do?how to forget him?i' ve tried everything but nothing works.
please help me, otherwise i may die soon becuse of this.i cant take this torture anymore.i wish my EX had never expressed his love for me after marriage.i dont know why he did that.i would be much happier otherwise.
my hubby & i never shared any chemistry from the first day.he is 7 yrs elder to me & he acts like my uncle at times.i' m still very young 26yrs.i have lost all my dreams & hopes now.plz help


Val replied. Hi Sweta,
I was very sad to read about your situation and I hope you are happy now. If all these years later, you are still sad about your relative, and you still love him, then maybe you should talk to him to finalise things one way or the other. Ask him directly why he didnt stop you getting married, whether he still loves you now and whether he will marry you now. If he still loves you and you love him, and if he is willing to be brave and admit it to his family and marry you, and lovingly look after your children, then it would not be wrong for you two to be together. It sounds like you are a very good person and a good wife to your husband - but, I dont believe that we can fall in love with anyone. If you have true love with your relative, even if it is initially hard, imagine how happy the rest of your lives will be. We only have one life to live and we should not reach 80 and think that we have wasted our lives. So Check with him first and be brave. good luck Jyoti replied. Hi Shweta

Good to hear tht u have came back on track...........try ur best to come out of ur dialemma....i know u can do it.....get back to us with the good news of having lively environment in ur \" Home\" ......
Jyoti replied. Hi Shweta

Dont let the wrong things gone over u!!
This may give u pleasure initially but my dear ur whole life will be ruined for only one moment pleasure.... i know its very touh for u to avoid the things but u have to do that for urslf only and for nobody else..... this moment u must be thinking that if u go over to ur EX u will be happy and ur life wud be better but thhis is not true at all!!!!! see ur EX-bfrnd may show his willingness to be with u at present moment but he will not at all stand with u alz and for tht I m sure becoz otherwise he wud not have left u if he truly loved u!!!!!

So plz forget him ok tell me do u love ur daughter? ofcourse ur answer wud be yes!!! so for her sake plz control over ur feelings..... her life will be totally spoiled if u take one wrong step!!!! try to find love and happiness in ur husband only....if he is not fun loving u can make him to involve in various funny activities try to make him overcome his stress.... make urslf busy as much as u can....ur daughter is so small....she needs very much of ur attention.... i m also having a 1 ys old kid n when i m with him i m totally devote myslf to him....he is like my world to me....i do not remember of anybdy when i m with my baby..... give time to ur baby..... feed her with new things..... play with her.....watch her little steps.... try to divert urslf from tht specific thinking of tht guy.... dont commit to him anything for the sake of ur n ur daughter' s life..... dont spoil ur life....... I hope u will understand the real meaning of happiness and get urslf busy with ur husband an daughter......try to understand ur husband..... he must be loving u and u too....after all u have spent 4 yrs of ur life with him... may be he is overstressed with his work n have no time for fun.... but as a wife it is ur duty to make his life happening.... do give him time......
see if u go with tht guy nobdy is going to support u...not even ur family n then at last u will feel guilty like anything........ be loyal to ur husband as u have been..... dont let tht guy' s thinking occupy ur mind all the time... try to divert urslf.....

revert back to post with ur present condition.......... take care.....
ALL THE BEST

Jyoti hi replied. hi

you know what dear, you can come out of this . this is not really a problem. after reading you post what i am thinking is , how dumb sometimes we becomes that we create problems for ourselves to worry about.
first of all you don' t have to worry or even think about that person who is your realative or so. nothing is there in between you two. if he really loved you he had a lot of chances to express that and you know what dear, if he really loved you he oouldn' t allow you to get married to somebody else. so why he is coming to your life now and disturbing you? tell him to get lost and find a life of his own. why he is making your life complicated. even after you yourself declared your love to him he couldn' t make a decesion. that means he is really loving you. now that you are somebody elses he is again trying to create drama. so please ,for the sake of your child , leave all his memories and stop contacting him. tell your mind to stop these unnecessary drama . you can do it. you know sometimes our minds act crazy. but the thing is we can control it. YES.
dear friend , some persons(husbands) are boring. really. maybe they are not the persons we want. but as long as he is agood father and husband and doing his duties and helping you to create a good family atmosphere for you and your children. THAT IS ENOUGH TO BE REMAINING I A MARRIAGE. especially when kids are involved. they need a good strong and stable environment to grow into good humans. so now itself throw away all unwanted SELF DESTROYING thoughts and move on with your family ,which you created. focus on your child and ejoy the life . if your husbby is boring find out other ways you can enjoy with your baby or siblings or parents or even his family members. accept him as he is. he din' t do anything to you. and you two are married and it is a very important agreement. not something which somebody else can play with. also your life is very important. especailly after becoming a mother. you are responsible for your kid' s life. don' t destroy peace and happiness now you have and your kid' s future and your precious family. ok. you can get rid of this . stop it before it becomes more and more complicated and out of your control. ok. think and take a good decesion. pray. take care.