Relationships  Discussion Forum

I would like to share my problem with you. I have been married for 8 years, have two children 7 & 3.5. My inlaws have never liked me or accepted me for who I like but they don' t live with us and so it wasn' t such a huge issue. However, in the last 8 years they have tried their level best to degrade me, insult me, treat me indifferently and stir up maximum trouble as possible.

For the last 7 years hubby was always on their side and favoured them over me but for the last 1 year he has gradually come to realise that they are at fault.

This time they have visited us and caused a big issue. They insulted me called me names and I don' t even want to go into the details of the things that have been said. My husband sided with me but he has said to us that he doesn' t want to have it half way. he wants his parents and myself in the picture else we seperate and he is not going to keep in touch with either one of us. I have told him I want the kids to stay with me and he has agreed to to that.

His parents do not want to apologise and move on and to be honest neither do I. For all the things that they have done and said my heart can' t forgive them.

However, I love my husband and want to be married to him and don' t want my kids to suffer because his parents have been scheming to break us up. I told him, he and the kids can keep relation with them but I don' t want to, and his parents also don' t mind this but my husband is adamant that he is not going to choose. either he has all of us or none of us. He says if we spilt up he is never going to keep in touch with his parents or me but he will keep in touch with his children on a daily or at least regular basis.

I am so confused I don' t know what to do. How do I make him understand that you can' t just forgive someone at the click of your fingers. Do you have any advise or suggestions for me. I have the next 4 days to decide. TANYA.VAZ replied. ur inlaws r big bastards.dont bother about them.dont fight over anything.make your hubby understand that you love him and want him for life.tell him that u cant live widot him and ur children.take him in the flow of emotions.tell him that NO MATTER WATEVER HAPPENS BUT U WANT HIM AND YOUR CHILDREN.BE PATIENT AND HAVE FAITH IN GOD.DONT CARE A DAMN 4UR INLAWS. indian replied. i guess you must be really happy to have married a man like this...

thk god for it and take a resolution not to fight anymore atleast for the sake of your hub.


Nikki replied. Just to let you know yesterday night things got sorted out. Hubby made inlaws apologise to me. I told them I do not seek your forgiveness as you are elders all I want is that now we have been married for 8 years so give some credit to our marriage and me.

Anyway, after all this I don' t think they will be visiting much becuase FIL said indirectly that now we will leave you to do as you wish.

GM replied. hi nikki,
as I' ve gone through ur story my heart is just crying not fot for u but for ur hubby......u r not realising how much he loves u. what u r going to do for these stupid fights u r ready to leave him alone in this world. see nikki if the water has crossed the level for u then plz sit with ur hubby talk to him and ask him ki wo kitna pareshhan hoga in saari baaton se. put urself on his place one who is loving u for last 8 yrs. and u r going to leave him coz of thoes trouble making in-laws who do not live with u. do u really think tht break-up with ur husband is the punishment to ur in-laws. no dear.....think the right way.
now listen.......tell ur husband tht u r not going to leave him and u love him in any situation and any circumstances of life.....and leave the dicision on his parents wethter they want to keep relation with u or not.......and yes try Mahek' s idea of playing game with ur in-laws but carefully......kahin ye na ho ki hubby jo tumhara favour karne laga hai wo fir se parents ko favout karne lage..........
Good Luck Nikki replied. I do work, we both have good jobs and both of us work hard. Yet we have enjoyed each other and our children. Between my hubby and I we have no problems, we love each other dearly and ofcourse like all couples minor ups and downs and tiffs are there but nothing hectic. In fact so far all the major fights we have had have always been stirred up my his parents.

My inlaws live in another country and another city altogether. Yet they have constantly meddled in our affairs and as I said even previously, insults, degrading and a lot more. I took it all in, but this time they have just cooked up trouble and added things and lies and more lies. ofcourse hubby realises that they are at fault however he wants us to resolve our issues and move on. This is not the first time we have set down to resolve issues, I have compromised and moved on but they never do. Bottom line is they hate me (for no reason I have not even lived with them for more than a month when we visit them or they visit us) but it is just one of those things where two people don' t like someone and will do anything in their power to hurt them and cause trouble.

After a lot of thought I have decided that this time I am not giving in, not even for hubby' s sake. Because each time I compromise but they never change. I have a right to be happy and what kind of parents are they, they want to break up their son' s home? It shows a lot about their character doesn' t it?

Even now I have not said to hubby that you hate your parents and you don' t keep in touch with them as I understand they are his parents that relationship can' t be changed. what I am saying is that I don' t want to have relation with them...it is best for everyone that way. But he is not willing to understand. he thinks I am making him choose and that he will have all of us or none.

I have suggested going for professional help he refuses saying an outsider can never solve your problems and these shrinks are just out to grab your money. Now...what more can I say or do.....life was so good 3 weeks back before they came....har bar kisi ki nazar lagjati hai :( indian replied. hai Nikki

though mine may be the first reply you can expect more to pour in...

my first suggestion as this has come to this stage of conversation of breaking up ... GO FOR PROFESSIONAL HELP.involve his parents too

i have few more points that you should read carefully...
1. it is clearly understood that both hus... and wife love each other.
2.its only the parents that cause the trouble.why break a family bcause of the parents.
3.Take a look from the husb. point of view.. he has got fed up tangled between both his parents and wife
3. its out of real frustration that he has told you about separation as he held on for 8 years.
4. do you work. else start looking for one. this will bring a lot of change in your life. it need not be for money but for a peace of mind away from home.just a socail work etc....

got to go my kids r back from school. will wirte later. just thought to write few lines as soon as i read your msg.


Mehek replied. Tell your hubby ok fine Iam ready to stay with them.Next slowly start playing the same games your inlaws played with you,.IN front of him be nice to your inlaws and when he is not around give them a good one.when they complain to your hubby about your behaviour tell him that I was always redy to accept them but they are the ones who are mean let him realise the fact.Do let me know if this works.