Relationships  Discussion Forum

hello.

i am 24 yr old girl. getting m,arried in oct this yr to my 2 yr old boy friend. suddenly our relation is having lot of problms. just wanted inputs from u guys. he is in UK for past 10 months. distance is not a problem for us.we have maintained it well.

after our marriage got fixed ,lot of issues r there like planning for settling down ,our jobs etc.this is mentally draining both of us.

also,he is saying he wants to b in UK for another 6 months after the marr.but since we need to set up house just for few months he says its better i don' t come along. i am hurt at this.how long can we stay like this after marr. this is making me upset. plz advice me if there is any solution to this or else how to adjust to this.

we both r working for IT companies here in india.because of this tension relation is getting problems and he is saying hurting things to me ,like never before. i am seeing his worst side now.
deepCdiver replied. I think the ' rleationship' is healthy and strong and that is why the future issues loom large. It is good that both of you don' t see marriage as ' lived happily everafter' . This is a practical view.

Marriage comes at a time when carrer move is also at its peak - especially if one is in IT. Being at the right place, in the right project seems to be a strong factor influencing career prospects. Handling this balance between getting married and career needs strong and COMPASSIONATE communication from both of you. What he says is practical - atleast it indicates that he is not looking to get perched in the UK. On the other hand i can see how much the ' 6 months being away' could make you feel and those ' hurting things he says' .......Looks like you folks have a lot of understanding between yourselves. Extended and stretch this understanding.

Trust this helps!!
Regards Tony S replied. Dear AAA,
Is it possible for u to postpone the marriage ceremenoy ? or is it possible for him to extend the stay for say 1 or 2 yrs so that u can also go with him ? Talk to him frankly about why it is that he does not want to take u ? DOes he think he will save money by satying like a bachelor for 6 months inspite of being married ? Tell him, he may save on the money but he will lose out on the most imp. moments of his married life, ie.e. being newly married and enjoying life and togetherness in an exotic foreign country. Give him an ultimatum. Tell him, if he is not taking u along, then u would probably get married after he is back, or better still, tell him, when in future u have kids and they have school etc., he can go on his own, u will not accompany him anyway. Make him realise your importance in his life. He has got to know, otherwise, frankly speaking, he is not worth the wait. All the best AAA replied. requerst for your replies..thanks in advance