Relationships  Discussion Forum

I am posting this to see whether others would have responded similarly in my situation.
I have been married for 5 years.My MIL is widowed and my husband is the only son, with only an elder sister.So as soon as we got married, my MIL started to make 6 month long trips.Initially i got along with her, but being newly wed, i was frustrated by the attention seeking behaviour of my MIL, and also frustrated that by how much of a mama s boy my husband was.I suggested that maybe MIL could give us some time to get to understand each other as a couple before settling in for such long periods, and this was taken very badly.My MIL began accusing me of trying to push her out of her home.At the same time, both MIL and my husband exhibited a very negative attitude to my family, always ignoring them when they visited.I became more and more negative and after initially being very vocal about my frustrations, i just started to ignore my MIL when she came to stay.This resulted in my husband becoming more and more protective of MIL.
Last yr i had a child and as my mother was going to be here for my delivery and then 2 mo, i suggested MIL not be here during this time so as not to cause friction with my mother, but come after 2 mo.She appeared 3 mo before the delivery and then stayed on..Needless to say she created maximum trouble with my mother.I really began to hate her and being even more emotional after the delivery, i did things that i now regret.This includes banning her from holding the baby.This resulted in immense friction between me and MIL and husband.Divorce and seperation came up many times.
When everyone finally left, my husband took on a very negative attitude towards me.He would be very stiff and non communicative, and took to sleeping in a seperate room and basically not helping with the baby.I was back to full time work by this time ( i am a doctor in the last year of subspecialty training), and i was trying to juggle baby, fulltime job and not sleeping at night.I didnt manage well, and i realy felt horrible for the poor child who was left at a daycare during the day.I tried for 5 mo, and my parents then suggested that i leave my child with them (they live in the UK and we in the US) til i finished the current year after which i could go part time.I reluctantly agreed.
So now i am living away from my baby, trying to finish training.My husband was not happy that the child was sent to his enemies, and while he agreed in principle initially, he now constantly harasses me about brining back the baby, making me feel as if i am a heartless woman, and not at all admitting to his role in this situation.He keeps saying, you threw away our marriage and acts as if i am a non existant entity at times and then at others he acts friendly and is communicative.
I am just hoping that being positive, not fighting with him and being positive to his mother (when she chooses to come) will lead to him resuming a normal relationship with me.
But part of me is just so depressed...living away from my baby and daily trying to deal with a largely non communicative husband.
I feel like i largely bought this situation on myself with my negative attitude, and just hope staying the course will bring things back to normal.But i worry it may not ever normalise.
What do others think about my situation....how wrong are my actions and how likely are things to change?How would others act in my situation? sapna replied. Since you are yourself aware of your wrong doings,I dont want to go on about this but you have done enough to drive any man to the wall.The fact that your husband still maintains a decent behavior if not warm behavior towards you means he is serious about this marriage,so you have a chance to pull this marriage together again.A person who is old and alone is naturally very insecure and if your husband lost his father early then naturally his bond with his mother would be very strong and he may feel very responsible for his mother maybe more than he feels for you.The child belongs to your husband as much as it belongs to you and so any decision about leaving the child in UK should have been taken together.Yes,your husband should be warm to your parents,but I dont understand why most men behave similarly.Maybe they are insecure about being drawn into their in-laws family.Besides banning your mil from the child also deprives the child of his grandmother so you ended up punishing both.Whatever your relation with your mil,let your child have his part of her love.Since you know what went wrong,please correct it and save your marriage.Also it may take some time so be patient Ashim replied. Hi Neelam
Its true that a child makes the bond much stronger than Usual between the H & W, its because of this reason that U 2 R still under the same roof, for No problem between U two, U R in a fuss.
this Problem U went thru is in all family but the degree varies, So don't let it get on Ur head & spoil Ur life & most impt Ur child & relationship.
I think U should take time sit across & talk it out with Ur husband & then with ur MIL about Ur feelings & know what she has 2 say.
I think she's a mother so she will surely understand U & If Ur husband really Luvs U he'll surely be with U & understand Ur feeling U 2 have to be reasonable in ur demands.
Take Care
Ashim