Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi all,

Im very much confused about things in life and I really want all ur suggestions and help...My life seems to be in a mess..About myself..
I got married 5 yrs back. Iam an introvert by nature and never had too many friends in my life.I have done masters in computer and I was
working previously.But after marriage I accompanied my husband abroad .It was a non english speaking country.I managed to learn the language and also passed a few exams.And then we returned back to India 2 yrs back.Like every other dil in this board even I had to face all sorts of inlaws' wrath .Even my husband knows about my inlaws' attitude.So we now live separately in bangalore.Though my husband' s
income is quite handsome..he has to support his parents who live separately in a different city..I had a baby last year who is 1 yr old now.
After coming back to India..due to my health conditions and some complications....my gynaec had asked me to stay in bed rest for having a smooth delivery.So i had lost touch with my professional life totally.Now I can find myself shying away from people or any social gathering.I have no confidence to talk
or have any conversation with any person..Iam slowly breaking down within myself.My husband is a very busy man and never has any time for hearing my story..I dont blame him..he is a nice person but has no time for my sob story.The problem is initially we used to have a lot of things to talk about..but now there is a huge communication gap between us..since I dont get time to spend with others...I tried socializing with my neighbours and hubby' s friends by inviting them home...but most of those couples were both working and it was only then that I found that if a person doesnt have a job then people consider them invisible..
I got only ignored by them all...I have few friends who r just like me who have given up their career for their baby....but when I meet them I hear them only sulking or they seem to be fond of watching all saas bahu serials...I always dreamt to be a career woman..I have a sweet family and a very nice hubby...I know I cant have it all but I also feel that my low self esteem is killing me from inside and with this I cant be an ideal mom to my kid..So I have decided to step restart my career.But Iam stuck and donno where to start..I have so may questions and fear in my mind and I have seen some kind hearted smart women solving others' problem here.So I request u all to help me out.Iam posting my questions:
Can someone pls tell me if theres any counselling for career available for people like me.I was a programmer previously.But now I want to switch over to testing or technical writing.I have been hearing recently that the IT market is not doing well so recruitments have come down to a great extent.So Im worried Since I have knowledge in a foreign lang..I was thinking I could also switch over my career to translation or language specialist..But this area requires
me to increase my skillset further.So I have started enquiring in institutions about the courses avalilable..Finishing a couse will take me 1 more year.Can somebody pls tell me if there is good future for japanese language coz i dont want to be spending time and money on this.
Whether I work or study..the main issue is my baby..since i have neither mil' s support nor my parents support( they stay in a separate city..dads woking..and visit us occasionally).I have no other go other than leaving my baby in creche..But I want to know how working people manage this.If Im going to study I will again be totally dependent on my hubby for my fees, baby' s creche etc and so I dont want to take a wrong decision.My parents feel Iam being too greedy for money (which is totally wrong...though I want to support my hubby financially..Iam looking for an identity for me) and they feel I should stay at home until my kid turns 2.But Iam already 28 and I dont want to waste more time.My kid has not started walking and also he is a very fussy eater..Pls advice me what to do..Iam really very depressed..
ABC replied. Hai kavitha, I exactly fit in ur words, only thing is i am still in Japan, baby is 2 years, struggling as where and how to start for job.

I too was working as programmer, then marriage, over to japan, did 2 exams, but now donot know whether to further study the language,as level 2 takes too much of practice, time, money and concentration. But when i attend an interview they only insist in Level 2.

But i want to know whether there is any job options for people like me, Level 3, with 1 year exp. please somebody suggest me how to proceed from this pt. I am so depressed and need guidance. thanks.

Pete replied. Hi Kavitha,

At first I was a little hesitant to put in my suggestions as this forum is focused to Women. However since my spouse had gone through some of the or most of the problems you have faced, I felt I needs to let you know what worked for her.

Firstly you need to be happy that you took the first step of trying to pursue a career. There are 2 things I want you to work upon. 1). Your Psychology and 2).Picking a right course for a good career.

Firstly Kavitha, the feel of shyness, inferiority etc is whitin you. For you may know that people may not be thinking about you the way you think they are thinking about you. When you think negative, we feel everyone is thinking about us the same way.If you decide you are going to have a GREAT DAY then nobody can stop you from it. And if you think you are going to have a SAD day, then too noboday can stop it either. You are what you think you are. The first thing you need to be doing is to feel good about yourself, make everyday an interestig day. Only a healthy mind can lead a healthy life. Look at the people around, Dhirubhai Ambani, Bill Gates, Mr Stallon ( Rambo). These guys became who they are not by thier education or background or upbringing, its only due to there Psyschology.

So lets approcah your case on a phased manner. First I want you to think positive, see happiness in what you do and stop worrying. If worrying and hope helped human kind then you will find all the people wealthy and leading a happy life. You need to take action and YOU and only YOU can do it.

So first feel good and once you start feeling GOOD we will discuss on how to pick and purse a good career based on your past experience and the skills you have acquired. What you need now is not a long term course. You need a short term course to get you a job in the next 90 days.

Your baby is 1 year old now. Find a good Creche close to your place and send him/her. Consider yourself lucky as you can spend some day initially at the creche until your baby gets used to it. Once the baby gets used to it, you can start going for the course. The good part of this excercise is, by the time you get a full fleged job, your kid will be used to the creche schedule and you too can manage the same. This is what my spouse did after she took 2 years break from her career.

So feel good and when you are ready for the next phase, I can throw my thoughts on the career path. I am also in BLR. Go through the times of india education on Monday and you will find a lot of courses.

Cheers!

Pete