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My problem is old and I have previously posted my problem in this site and I did get some suggestions but none of them work for me.Just to remind you , here is my problem again :
I have been married for the last 3 yrs and I stay separately with my husband for the past 9 months.My hubby is the only child.Our home is 2 hours drive from my in-laws place and the only reason why we moved out was that my in-laws place was too away from his office.I am also working and we both earn very decently.There has been a very strange change in my MIL' s attitude ever since we have moved out of their house.

- She calls me 4 times every day just to check what I cooked , then comments that why did I cook that partcular item since her may not like it but believe me my husband enjoys every meal I cook.She commands me over the phone that I cook some partcular vegetable only since its available fresh & seasonal these days.She would sometimes scold us if we eat out since she thinks that her son cannot digest outside food !! This freaks me out.
- My MIL would give her old utensils /kitchen stuff for my kitchen and make sure that I use that stuff only.If I buy anything out of my own choice , she will not like it.
- She will also specially call me just to remind me just to change bed sheets/bath towels every week , since she fears that I may forget to change it.
- It seems as if she is managing two homes simultaneously.Since we stay in the same city she expects us to go to her place every friday & then stay 2 nights & then return on sunday evening to our place.I find it bit difficult since I have a house to look after and weekends is the only free time I get to spend with my husband.She would always insist that we come over for the weekend , if I ask her to come over to our place she would never come citing some problem or other.I find it frustating now.
- She would critically comment on every new item that I buy for my house e.g. furniture,curtains etc.Even if I donot tell her that I have purcahsed something new , she comes over to our place for 2-3 hours after every 2-3 weeks and then she would come to know of the new item.
- Yesterday morning , I hired a new maid for cleaning my house (3 BHK) and agreed to pay her Rs 1000 per month.Just while talking to my MIL, accidently I mentioned this to her and she created a huge fuss that why am I overpaying this maid since her maid takes only Rs 850 (my MIL' s house too is a 3 BHK).

I just do not know how to deal with her anymore.She is becoming impossible for me day by day.I did try to minimise my talks with her , but still she instigates me to talk to her.I have discussed this problem with my husband , he understands it but cant do much about it.Most of the times I fret whenever I see her name flashing on my cell and I atimes avoid answering her calls.I know its not ethical and good but cant help it.I am most of the times angry and sad after talking to her.

At times, I think whats going to happen whenever we plan a family & I conceive , my MIL will surely be even more concerned & be more control freak.

Thanks for reading this long post but please advise me how to deal with it. Regards,SK Ritika replied. Hi SK,

I think you are way too patient than me...I would talk to her very firmly next time she talks like that to me...tell her that this is the going rate in YOUR area and all your neighbors pay that much AND that you are fine with it. Then tell her that you have some work to do and need to go..then cut the conversation short.

I don' t understand the need to pay homage to this lady 4 times a day. You cannot control her behavior. But you CAN control how you react to her...

You do not have to justify anything to her...if she complains about anything you do, just tell her firmly that this is the way YOU BOTH (you and your husband) likes it. Next time she says something like her son hates some dish that you cooked...go all out and keep telling her that oh maybe it was the way she cooked that he didn' t like...because he looooves it now and keeps asking for it to be made...go on and on about your culinary skills that your hubby admires and I can guarantee you that she will stop asking about what you cooked (absolute personal experience on this m' dear)...:)

Lastly, limit your talks with her...instead of 4 times a day..talk to her 1 in 2-3 days...miss a weekend in between...plan an outing somewhere else...just because she wants you two over does not mean you have to run and do hr bidding...you don' t need to discuss anything with her...just let her know on Friday that you are going elsewhere on the weekend and won' t be coming...then plead a headache and cut the conversation short...

take care,
Ritika Sonia replied. Hi SK,

Dont worry all MILs are like this they actually are very possessive about their sons and insecured as so many years they were ruling them and now there is someone else who does that...
The suggestion to you is you tell her sweetly that i would like to design my own home & do things in my home with my choice and also make your hubby realize this is a sweet way that his mother is poking her nose... dont be harsh in communicating these this and whenever she calls you can just listen to her and hang up saying ur busy or listen and forget after disconnecting her call ... if you think abt her u ll be surely upset ... ignore her things and live happily... let me know if you need more tips : )