Relationships  Discussion Forum

have been married for 4 yrs with a 2 1/2 yr old baby. i stay in the USA. i fortunately (or unfortunately) marraied by boy-friend who i new atleasy 8-9 yrs before marraige. we used to have fights during courtship period but somehow, we always patched up. i don't know whether it was insecurity or some physical attraction. we had phusical relationship too. my hubby, then my boyfirend was more physically attracted to me but i was more emotionally involved. i gave myself to him b'coz i loved him so dearly, i don't know about him. at that time he really used to do the best of things for me. the just perfect romantic stuff, flowers, cards and surprises.
we got married and soon everythings went flat!! the first yr of marraige was terrible. he used to have a beer everyday, which i feel was disgusting. when i can hold myself after the day's stress, why can't he? why do men need to fall on something ? we worked this issue and things were fine , so we planned on a baby. through out my pregnancy i was very very happy. he was the best support and very warm.
after the baby, my urge for sex diminished. we used to have sex once in 15 days!! i think i was stressed out after the baby. my hubby was very immature. we started having fights and agruements about little things. also we have many parenting topic agruemnts.
right now, i feel i'm with him b'coz he's become a habit. its not love!! we do have sex, do fun stuff , everything, but still there isn't that real love towards him. it scares me to stay away from him and on the other hand life with him also sucks!!
we have tried all the romantic things like scented candles, massages, sexy nighties, chocolates, etc.
i am at a situation where i think if i get a little push i may fall to some other man. i know from within that i won't do that but still, why do i get the thought?????
is anybody in the same situation or has experienced something like this? can anybody advise? Mahesh replied.
See, Life is a diffcult one to go on continue. So we have to appaly your logic even ur a positive one. Even u dont want to hurt him, then also u have to do some work which he will just feel the upper work not internal.

Example u have to see what is his interests are, and try to do that. and if u marke one by one topic he starts fighting on and dont do again for God shake. If you will do some routinely then time will come he will understand u and every thing will be quite ok.

First u feel that he is one person who can give u every thing and wait upto he realises that he is doing misktake not u.

Thnkx and God's wish to u
Mahesh Anasha replied. Hi.. I know it has been long.. u havent still told me where do u live? I am sure open to discussions with u. I was very happy to hear that u are now more compromising..and taking each day as it comes. Im glad! Anyway.. do let me know how are things with u now.. and that how do we communicate? Till then...take care..Anasha Anasha replied. Hi.. Long time! I am glad to hear that u are taking each day as it comes. I am unmarried and live in Mumbai, what about u? How are things with u now? I am happy for u that that u sound much more better! Keep it that way!!
Take care.. Anasha replied. Where are u? How have u been??
Let me know. Anasha replied. Hi!! What's up with you.. I hope things are running smooth for u...do tell me how are things with you know.. Take care.... Anasha replied. Hi!! First of all Happy Belated Birthday!! I am glad to hear that your husband gave u flowers n all, that was very thoughtful, there are very few people who would do that.Otherwise, how is it going, U sounded much better in ur note.. So Live up to it...Waitin to hear from u NM..Smile always!! Anasha replied. Hi Nm,
It was really nice to hear that you had a nice weekend. It is indeed true that women need some nice & sweet talks to feel better and loved.
But just dont expect it to be rosy all the time, in ur reply u have mentioned that I hope that things remain that way. Things cant be stationary which I tried to explain you in the earlier reply, so if at all things are not the same after sometime...dont give up...coz \";\";\"; Behind every dark cloud ..the sun is shining\";\";\"; So if at all some hard times comes across ur way....... deal with them..and then life will be much simpler!!! Anasha replied. Hi NiceMom (NM)
First of all I need to tell u one thing which is that U are not alone, these things happen in each and every individual's life, but few open their heart out and talk about it. I am glad that u are one them who opens out, which clearly means that U want the relationship to work, but u are confused as to why are u feeling which I think each of us do. NM, each of us meaning each woman passes thru a phase where everthing looks wrong or nothing holds importance, which is one of the phases every one has to go thru it. U dont have the same feeling, the approach changes towards a person, but u have to take it in the right stride by thinking that it is one phase in your life which u have to deal with, u cant just lament over it and keep thinking why is it happening, u just have to make efforts to get out of it coz the more u will think u will fall more in the pit and it will become more difficult to come out of it...
It is very natural for the best things to happen during courtship, but as time subsides it is natural for two people to go apart..and strech like rubberbands, but remember NM the rubber band will come back together one day it cant just strech and break!!
U have to know that there are going to be times when things cant be just rosy all the time, U have to have some times which are not that rosy..so that when things are good u can appreciate them..
Always take things in the right stride and deal with it.. minus the Why's? and How's?? Dont have expectations from ur husband and let go time things will be great..only u both can make it to the top by understanding each other's moods and each other.. If u have taken a vow to be there for each other.. U have to be there in the rough times only...RIGHT!!!