Relationships  Discussion Forum

Friends:

I am new to this board. Seen few posts and thought of sharing some thing and ask for your suggestions.

I had a very good friend before marriage. We understood each other very nicely, and it was a PURE relationship. We were not physical AT ALL, and started loving each other. Initially we thought it was infactuation, but we were wrong. We had started loving each other. But none of us could speak. It ws when my parents decided my marriage that i could open my heart to him. I had told him clearly that I am in love with you and that I want to marry you. That time he said that he has committment towards his parents who have decided already for him few years back. I was broken, because i knew that he was lying.

I got married to the boy my parents had decided for me. He is a good well settled guy. We are married for 4 years now. We had our own ups and downs in these 4 years, but we manage to work it out carefully. My hubby is very practical and tough hearted person and I am an emotional person. At times, he is very rude to me but i keep my calm and try to forget conflicting things. I am happy with my hubby, but at times I think why did i marry him?????

After 3 years of marriage, that friend of mine called me and said that he is married to the girl his parents decided for him but he is not at all happy with her. He literally cried over the phone cursing himself of not marrying me that time, and apologized several times for breaking my heart. He discussed over the phone how is life has become miserable bccoz of his wife. He told me everything he is facing and going through.

I dont want to go again on the same track I was on before my marriage, but when I am alone, or just doing nothing, a thought of my friend pops in and disturbs me. We were good friends - Really GOOD Friends, and shared so many things with each other. After hearing all that what he told about his life, makes me upset.

I am not understanding what I should do. Forget everthing and our friendship too / ignore him completely / be with him and just listne to him / ..................

What should be my stand? Samantha replied. Thanks friends. I shall think it out thanks once again. Naini replied. Past is past forget about it. Also the grass on the other side always looks greener. You shared a deep relationship with this man once upon a time but now you are married and committed to your husband. He is obviously unhappy in his marriage and now he is grapes are sour wants what his marriage can' t give him from you. When you poured your heart out to him where was he then? Obviously, he was not sure if he wanted more than friendship with you at the time.

Your marrriage with your husband is a perfectly normal marriage. Most women are emotional and men are strong hearted. Ups and downs are there in life not just marriage.

At present you may think that it is normal to continue the deep friendship that you share with your friend as it is not physical but later on things may lead to it....and I don' t need to tell you the consequences of an extra marital affair.

So my friend I advise you to be clear with this guy and tell him please do not call me as things are different right now, I am busy with my married life. It might be hard doing it...but later on you will look back and pat yourself on the shoulder for being brave.

Just my 2 cents worth...hope it helps you :) Sonia replied. I think you dont really fall in this and listen to your friend as once you go ahead here then he will always call you to listen to his problems and once you start doing that it may happen that you again get involved in him and start developing feelings for him so tell him clearly that you dont have time to listen to his problems ... think as this may affect ur marriage. Suhasi replied. I just read your post.Its not surprising that sometimes we often find ourselves in such situations.First and foremost just wantedt to assure you that its completely normal and humane to get a little confused.
MAinly there are a few questions I wantedt o ask you.
1)Do you love your husband a lot???
2)What is that essence you find lacking now in your marriage that makes you think about your friend??
3)Is it worth it, to lose your relationship over a friendship in the past??
4)What exactly are the emotions you feel when you think about ur friend??

I guess the bottomline is sometimes we always crave for something which we never had/got.And especially when you did not get any closure that you expected from your friend.
Maybe what you feel is purely innocent such as wanting a friend which is good.But if it is something you want to pursue by concealing it from ur hubby then it is not far, that you are going to fall into trouble.
Involve ur hubby in this if its nothing adventurous you are looking for.If its otherwise you will know what is the right thing to do.