Relationships  Discussion Forum

Me again! Well my baby is strong and healthy as can be (knock on wood)..cant imagine how life was without him!
So for those of you who know my story...thought I should update you. I am still at my parents house, but will be going back to the husband in a few weeks. Not that i want to!:s
he and his parents came here (to my house) a week or so after the baby was born. and as soon as i saw him...i realized just how angry i was at him, and how much i hated him! i barely talked to him the whole time he was here. and i know that may be rude....considering he came all the way here....but i had a hunch he didnt want to, and only did because he ' had to' . even the parents....i knew they didnt want to come..but of course they had to..what would people think right?
anyway...my hunch was right when i finally talked to him properly the day before he was leaving (he only came for like two days) and he even said he didnt want to come, but did because it was the right thing to do.
he was the same....a jerk.
a few days later after he got back home...he called me up and apologized for his actions...said we needed to try again...not fight anymore. I just listened to him. I am very surprised how patient i am....and how i havent told him to get lost, or give him a piece of my mind. I just dont want to be like him. He made my life miserable for mths...and thinks that he can make it up a few nice conversations.
Him and his family are surprised at my reaction. basically no reaction at all..lol
my dad taught me well....how to deal with this with a political standpoint.
my dad will be going back with me...and he is really angry too....gonna get to the bottom of this and make sure it doesnt happen again.
i find it hard to believe that a family that has been here for over 30 years....my husband is american born....and STILL they have this notion that the ' girl' s side' is supposed to succumb to the ' boy' s side' .
they are excited about the baby....so at least they show some kind of humanity.
now i wonder whats gonna happen when i go there...my husband is already talking about ' expenses' which are expected when you have a baby! and he' s a doctor! he' s gonna try to make me quit school and get a job (which he already hinted at). I know labour workers that make ends meet to feed a family of 4 or more! and this man is worried about a few diapers?!
why are there still people like this in the world!! and why did i have to marry into a family that are sooo cheap, even for their grandson/son!! Another Girl replied. Hi Chandra,

Congrats for the baby and good that he is healthy and strong.

Hope you are healthy and strong too.

See Chandra, I really feel that it is difficult for a human being to change. You can see yourself, that not only you hate your husband, infact he too doesn' t love you nor the child.

He is not happy for the child but is worrying about his costs. He seems to be a miser too. Also he has already hinted you that you have to start working now, probably to bear your own expenses and that of the child too.

Now, you would be flying back with your dad to America. See how it goes. I really wish that your husband changes, and if he does, then show appreciation towards him rather than ignoring or hating him.

Also, if you figure out, that your husband has not changed (which I am sure you expect to), then file a divorce in America, and return back to India for yourself, your child and your parents.

Also, please don' t give more than a year to your husband to show that he is changing. You have already suffered a lot, but I’m sure you would not like your child to suffer too.

I am sure your parents won' t consider you a burden. But for safety sake, taking divorce would enable you to get some Alimony and maintenance for your child and yourself. You would have money to continue your studies, expenses of your child and much other stuff.

I suggest you to demand alimony because I really feel that the people who cheat their spouses, don' t respect them, are miser enough should have told their qualities well before marriage so that the other person knows with whom a person is getting married. If he is a miser, take his money away, and let him suffer.

But anyways, best of luck in all cases.
Tony S replied. Hello Chandra,
I was just thinking about u 2 days back, and here u are with your post !
Congrats once again for your baby. I have read all your past posts as well and I perfectly understand how u feel. This is eaxctly the way I felt when I was about to go from my mothers place after my baby boy was 2.5 months old. I felt (oh i am going back to that hell !) and hell it was for me all along. but i still went. becoz i did not have the guts to oppose get separated from the father of my baby. My husband behaved the same way as yours did, in fact he picked up a fight with my mother and father too over petty things, instead of enjoying his newly born son. I feel he is such a creeeeeeeeeeeep to do that.
Do not despair. I know that u r having a lot of hatred for him in your heart. But please try and analyse from all the angles. When your husband said that he did not want to fight and that too on the phone and not in person, it means that he has a huge ego problem when he comes in front of u as he very well knows his own mistakes. You can always give him a chance, but till then, do think of many other aspects as well. Firstly, with such a small baby, r u going to work and be financially indepedent ? Then who will take care of the baby ? Leaving the baby in day care or with a nanny is possible, but ask yourself r u ready for all that yet ? or of u want to be a stay at home mom, then will u always keep thinking that since i am financially depending on my husband, i have to tqke all the crap from him, and many times the abuse increases, so much so that it affects the baby directly or indirectly. I hope i am not scaring u or anything. But it is very good that your dad is accompanying u and it is even better that u r giving them a ' no response - keep guessing' situation. Be firm, ask your heart, what is it that is right.
The next time, your husband tries to be abusive towards u , either verbally or otherwise, ask him, is he doing this becoz it is the right thing to do ? Give him back with his own dialogues. Anyways, decide whats best for you and your baby and keep your parents also in the loop. U r lucky they support u. All the best and love to your baby.
-Tony hi replied. congrats for being a mom ... i m so waiting for my chance... all these days i have been reading ur story, n girl i really feel that you should not go back to him atleast now, when he came to ur place he should have come out of his love to his child and not for the sake of society, that itself shows how much he is interested, i feel u should not go and feel trapped there, so think twice,, its better u study and work in india being with ur parents, he will again make ur life miserable.. thats just what i feel, rest is up to u.. good luck,,, why do indian girls have to go through all this ? education and financial independence is the key to change it. u have both Namita replied. hi chandra .... all my good wishes with you and your child

from this post i understnd u r leaving in America .. all this time i thought u r from India ... i m shocked tht such people even exist in America

coming back to ur post .... i m worried with ur decision .... u r saying he clearly said tht he did not want to come to meet u bt came just for society sake n even wht he said abt money ... pls. chandra think again abt ur decision, if u dnt have prob. at ur parents place then pls. think over

i m worried bcoz i hve came thru some cases wher IL' s have turned out to be more horrible and harrasing then b4 ... only for this reason, may b to take revenge they call dil back ... pls. pls. pls. think again .... even if you have brother n his family at your home .. evn then u came leave ur baby by 4 mnths n search for job so tht u dnt feel tht u r becoming BOJ for ur family .. ofcourse ur parents vl never feel tht bt we as girls think ... bt pls. only if u r very much confident abt them only n only think of going there