Relationships  Discussion Forum

Co-operation, Co-operation, Co-operation.
This word is not so simple to say. When it comes in our life it is very difficult to live with it. Mine is very small family of only four members. Our relatives are so smart they are getting our hard earned money in the name of co-operation. They do not either want to study nor want to work. My husband so simple and careless that he is not able to understand that he is not helping them by giving them his money so easily to them. Two elder brothers are hoping to get their wards married. They are sitting idle and do not want to see anything. Neither they are concerned to keep our old parents with them nor have the ability to earn. Everytime my husband has to run here and there for their work. In this process my small family is neglected he does not have time to look into our matters which seems to him are so useless. I feel very bored. I take care of my children but my husband has no time for us. Can anybody of friend suffering from the same dilemma inwhich I am. augustborn replied. Hi Friend

I can understand how you must be feeling but dont lose heart. You have to be strong and make changes so that others are forced to change.
Your children are your priority and I appreciate and you are doing a great job in raising them. Carry on the good work of working towards providing good environment for your kids. Talk to your husband and explain to him how his neglect is affecting the children and how he needs to spend more time with them. Point out all these things without losing your temper(though it might be difficult) and as a matter of discusion. Bring this up again and again, quote incidents wherein his behaviour upset the kids. I am sure with patience you would be able to get through to him.
regarding the financial aspect, though one should be always ready to help ones near and dear ones, one has to save for a rainy day. Ask your husband outright about his investments and savings. As a wife you have a right to this information.
Knowing your husband, you yourself would know the best way to get the info. All I can advise you is to be proactive in such matters.
The partner should always know about financial matters. It is not only applicable to you but to all of us.
The way its imp to make a will, equally imp is to let your spouse know about all money matters(be it husband or wife)... augustborn replied. I understand where you are coming from...like a good parent you want to provide a peaceful and good environment for your kids to grow into, towards which your husband is not contributing.
Wanted to ask you somethiing, what did you mean by saying that you are not able to find out about his expenditure from other family members? Did you ask them what he is spending on them?

* Never ever give an impression to anybody that you are not aware of his activities/he hides things from you.

If your husband doesnt tell you about the financial scenario, start looking into pass books, bank statements etc...
Trust me, even I do that(although my husband tells me everything)...I chk the credit card statement/bank statement every month to find out whether hes been smoking :)(he says he has quit...)

To tackle the financial aspect: Take charge of paying the bills. Then you will know the exact math...

The atmosphere at home: Keep your kids away from gossip/family politics. Your home is your domain. Noone can intrude it till you let them. You will have to be tough even offend some people...but for the sake of your kids do it...

Let us know if this is practical in your scenario...
augustborn replied. Hey There
Yours is classic example about being married to a guy who is the only one in the entire family to be doing well professionally and the rest of the family piles on such people...
Unfortunately, I have generally seen that whenever these good samaritans themselves need help, none come to their help..thats the sad truth...
I dont want to depress you further, but your husband needs to realise that only after he has catered to his own problem should he go around doing charity...CHARITY BEGINS AT HOME...
You need to sit down and have a serious discussion with your husband.

1. Have you taken stock of your financial situation? Do you know how much is being spent, what is being spent and where is it being spent. You need to be proactive about such matters...
2. Ask and show interest in various problems of his family and discuss them with him showing concern. The minute he realises that you are taking interest, he will start listening to your advise as to what should be done about these issues.
3. Take up a couple of such chores and ask him to stay at home instead with the kid while you run about doing stuff for his family...This will make him sit up and look at you...
3. Once you have accomplished this, its very easy for you to regulate his activities and time...

It will initially take some effort and time on your side but once you have accomplished this, you will in full control of your life...