Relationships  Discussion Forum

I am a married woman of 35 years. I am married to a great guy and have a cute little girl of 9 years. I never had any past relationships nor even many male friends though I work in a s/w firm. When I was in school one guy(my senior) liked me a lot though I was too scared to accpet, I too really liked him a lot. My parents came to know about this and told him to come back after settling in life and ' becoming something' . He enver came back but I really wiated till my Post grad but never saw him except 2 or 3 times but though he wanted to sepak, I was too scared. Then I lost touch and got married to my husband who is a great guy and loves me a lot. It is an arranged marriage.
Now after 20 eyars , I met this chldhood freind from a site and he is now married and in the US. He has 2 kids and a great wife. he was extremely happy to meet me and so am I. We started mailing and he made it very clear on the day one itself that we should be just good friends. He told me how much he tried to get in touch with me but could not and my brother warned him to get out of my way. He said he married finally after trying for me for so many years and his wife is an excellent lady. He now respects me a lot and though we were never great friends before wants my friendshop now. I also told him how much i waited for him before marrying my husband. He enver knew about this and felt very bad and promised that he would be my great friends now. Since nothign can happen now we deceided to be good freinds..we both feel so much affection for each other but he never says it and just says that he worships me and treats me now as a great friend. He writes to me daily and asks me to write daily..I told my husband all about this and he also told his wife. No secrets whatsoever.But I feel guilty sometimes as I feel I still like him.I am not sure what he feels. I think he has moved on sand someitmes I get so angry wiht him for making me wait for him and when he enver returend to my parents to ask for my hand. I also get angry that he moved on, tough I was initially happy to meet him now I started feeling little jealous. I know it is wrong and I am trying to voercome that and since i really like him, want to be good friend to him atleast. God bmust have had something inmind and so made us contact each other again. But is this ok? I mean he is coming in July to India and wants to meet me. I know his parents tooa nd spoke to them on phone. They said that they know evryhting and he talks about me daily to them. His brother also told me that this guy talks abut me daily and all his family loves me a lot..I feel very nice but at the same time i feel I missed him though my husband is very very nice. I very well know that this is not good but at times I am not able to control my feelings for this friend. But he is very clear that he wants me as his friend only. He never lets me say that I like him also. he is scared that we may cross the limits and separaet again. Im also scared and I want his respect more than anyhting but is my behaviou strange? Did I not ove on completely? What to do/ Should I keep in touch with him or stop? I am not sure but I dont want to lose him again..He too says always that he would go mad if he loses touch wiht me again but as a friend...Does he feel still for me or this is onyl a good friendship? Can you tell me what I should Do? Can I meet hi In july? he also wants me to meet his parents, family..How can a man be so decent? It may sound foolish but I feel strange that being a woman how I can feel for a man at this age and after marriage..


... replied. i agree with everyone and what sonu said is true .. u might feel that if u both have decided not to cross limit then whats wrong

but ask urself silently in corner of your heart you have developed not love but some feeling for him ... i dnt know abt. him .. i did not give my name because i want to tell you my story(my hubby knows i chat here n he is aware about all that i right)

i had a friend in college, i use to find him a decent person, was never in love as such but ofcourse liked him
but during those days i always felt that we should concentrate on career and then think about falling in love ... so i never took ny initiative though i felt that he also liked me (my friends also said the same) .. he was a very decent and trust worthy intelligent guy , ny girl will fall for him

then after college we were not atall in contact with each other. i knew about his updates from other friends as they were all in contact. i never kept any contact because i felt if he is not interested then why should i show any interest

then after few years i got married with a beautiful person, he had his story he had an break up .. then one day we we met on chat then i called him n he confronted not clearly but he gave hint that he had thought about me but my ideas were different i never wanted to fall in love before making carreer bla bla bla

though he directly didnt say that he was interested bt was saying that my friends had asked him for me(which i was never aware till date) n he felt that why didnt i come forward and felt bad etc. etc. ... still he was remembering wht i liked wht i didnt, what i had told him every small thing which even i dont remember saying

this was our first and last contact .... then we had chatted on and off just hi bye ... now what i want to tell you from this long story is ... though we never had affair, never disclosed nything about eachother .... but still when we were in contact i had some feeling for him and were looking forward to talk to him more ... i had a happy married life, a great husband ...

i just want to indicate that, these feelings can not be taken as \" just friendship\" it can never happen (now we both are not in contact) as i never take any initiative in contacting him nor does he

in your case you know very well that he was in love with you and you also had feelings .. whereas we both were not at all aware about each others feelings but still feel something even today

so you be aware ... hope i am able to explain you what i wanted Sonu replied. Dear KanyaKumari,

So, u got many views on this your honest post and all the friends simply told u to stop this friendship.

Still you might wonder \" when I' m honest and he is ...? Whats wrong in being in contact \" If you feel so, you are definitely deceiving yourself.

Because, I' ll tell u something.. In my college days, My best friend had some friends. One guy proposed her and she simply denied telling him fact that he is younger to her ,also she cant get into all these love and etc....
So he kept quite and she is happily married to another guy. Now, that guy keeps in touch with her and she also doesnt mind to be in touch and Still I dont feel ODD!!! He is still unmarried and she is matured enough to be in contact as if she is friendly with all remaining. She didnt avoid him At the same time...SHE IS NOT exchanging mails on daily basis. Its casual friendship like \" how r u? We r fine \" thats it...! So this kind of friendship is surely can not be suspected by anyone.

But your case is different. You both loved each other. But fate made your stories different. So attraction is still there and u both want to write to each otehr like on daily basis. It has much scope to turn more than friendship. So try to be practical and just tell him OR Avoid him as much as possible. Dont be trapped in guilt urself.

End this episode of your life and carry on with fresh heart with your husband! Wake up before he sense where your mind wanders ...

All the best! Another Girl replied. Hi KK,

It is very difficult to decide on your part as you used to love and you still love this ex but at the same time you respect your husband and care for him.

And you know that this ex of yours still loves you. As per your post \" He too says always that he would go mad if he loses touch with me again but as a friend\" and \" just says that he worships me and treats me now as a great friend. He writes to me daily and asks me to write daily..\"

All this cannot be just friendship. Both of you have love and affection for each other even today.

You said that no hiding from your spouses. But have you both shared the facts with your respective spouses that you exchange emails everyday... and are excited to see each other soon.

You clearly are unable to control your feelings for which you are guilty also. Am I right? This implies that in order to live a happy married life, you have to meet him and tell this ex of yours that \" you cannot be friends as it affects you personally\" . It’s better to have a clear communication rather than keeping your feelings within.

See kk, this guy lives in US and is married like you and has kids also. If you continue exchanging emails, it will make you remember the fact that “You wanted him and you loved him”. You will never be able to concentrate and be loyal to your family the way you wanted.

Since you met him on internet, were you able to love your husband and kids the way you always had before meeting your ex.

See, you have to take a decision, but it may be wise to discontinue your current relationship with ex after clearly communicating the fact to him so that he understands your point and starts respecting you all the more.

Best of luck pritee replied. hi ....

wat u r feeling is normal. first love is hard to forget. but u r acting on your dream ...... dont.

your ex too is dreaming, he cannot change the past but wants to indulge in all this petty daily flirting. u r playing a dangerous game & u \" alone\" will be the loser EITHER WAY.

accept the fact that it wasnt meant to be!

m sure u love your family, maybe the spark has dimished ...

think hard ! Sonu replied. Kanya Kumari,
Pl stop it if you really want to be in good relation with your hubby.
Yes, no man can tolerate if his wife silently admires some other guy. Ok, If you were in same place , Can you tolerate if ur hubby admires his ex girlfriend and still keep in contact??!!
Definitely ,you cant avoid confronting him.So, Pl stop this emotional drama btwn u and ur friend .It just seemed stupidity of his family to tell u he likes u verymuch even after u both married and settled individually.

I think its better to stop this socalled friendship before its virtually poluted (I mean, before his wife or ur hubby suspect any of u).

There is no need of meeting him. Its not a film bu just one life that is dedicated to ur husband and family.So n' joy his presence . Pl dont admire someone else .If you really lov ur husband and respect him, Stop this friendship and stop meeting his family too.Do this sacrifice for him before it gets too late.