Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi friends,

I have been married for the last 2 yrs and I stay separately with my husband for the past 6 months.My hubby is the only child.Our home is an hour away from my in-laws place and the only reason why we moved out was that my in-laws place was too away from his office(2 hrs drive).I am also working and we both earn very decently.There has been a very strange change in my MIL' s attitude ever since we have moved out of their house.She calls me 4 times every day just to check what I cooked , then comments that why did I cook that partcular item since her may not like it but believe me my hubby enjoys every meal I cook.My MIL would purchase utensils /kitchen stuff for my kitchen and make sure that I use that stuff only.She commands me over the phone that I cook some partcular vegetable only since its available fresh & seasonal these days.She would sometimes scold us if we eat out since she thinks that her son cannot digest outside food!!This freaks me out.She will also specially call me just to remind me just to change bed sheets/bath towels every week , since she fears that I may forget to change it.This morning , she called me up just to tell me summer season has arrived & i shoudl start giving curd to my hubby in the lunch pack.It seems as if she is managing two homes simultaneously.Since we stay in the same city she expects us to go to her place every friday & then stay 2 nights & then return on sunday evening to our place.I find it bit weird sinec I have a house to look after.

I really fail to understand , why she is doing so.I have stayed with her for 1.5 yrs - she has been so friendly & cordial with me.I do invite her suggestions & ideas at times , but to a limit.She at times crosses her limits.I have at times tried to avoid picking up her phone , but she calls me repeatedly also if my husband is around I cannot avoid her phone.I have tried to take up this topic with my husband , he too shared my viewpoint but we dont know how deal with it.Just to add we are both 29yrs old , both CHartered acountants & work with MNC.

AT times, I think whats going to happen whenever we plan a family & I conceive , my MIL will surely be even more concerned & be more control freak.

Thanks for reading this long post but pLease advise me how to deal with it.
bettyb replied. Sk,

Your MIL is way out of line and is behaving like a control freak. I don' t know how you can stand being in this situation. You need to set some firm boundaries with her.

I' d tell her straight away that she' s overstepping the line and needs to back off. If she doesn' t, I' d cut off all contact with her. Let the phone ring already.

This situation will only get worse if you don' t take some action now. For one thing, you two shouldn' t be going to her home every weekend. You two should spend some time together--away from her. And, no, she shouldn' t be calling you numerous times a day and telling you what you should feed your husband.

Tell her that if you need her advice, you will ask for it.

Remember, your husband is an adult now, and you' re supposed to be the primary woman in his life--not his mother.

And yes, she will be much worse after you have a child, and the stress could even destroy your marriage.

If you can' t be assertive with her and tell her to mind her own business, then you need to get some counseling ASAP.

Good luck,
Betty KUNJULAKSHMI replied. Hi SK,

18 months you lived with your MIL and you certified her as a good MIL.

Remember, your hubby is the only child to her anbd even if your hubby reaches 60 years old, he is his mothers GROWN UP BABY.

Here you must show little patience. When you turn as a mother you feel the difference. As a well educated girl you must show PATIENCE & MATURITY to in Laws ( Sorry if my word hurts you).

Let your MIL keep her love and care to you all TILL HER DEATH. You don' t have anything to loose.

BE HAPPY IN YOUR MILS CALLS.

Don' t feel bad on me, think thrice before you react.


Kunju