Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hey guys, I posted here before, under crazy story, updates here and there.
Well after a month i talked to my husband. He called me, and said we got a break and needed to start talking again (im away at school)...its a long story, so if you get time read it under CRAZY STORY..
but anyhow, he acting as though things are getting back to normal between us. After all the stuff he said to me, made me feel so bad, hurt me so much..disrespected my parents, my fil said means things to me too....so much has happened. and it came to a point almost of divorce.
now he wants to work things out, and communicate everyday, talk about things, and not make the same mistakes as last time.
before he used to want to involve his family in everything, now when I wanted to get the families to sit down and talk, he doesn' t want to. (because he KNOWS HE MADE MANY MANY MISTAKES)

I dunno how to feel. I know I don' t love him anymore. And obviously divorce isn' t an option to have when you know you can try to work on things. ( I really hate being indian sometimes).
But I don' t care to talk to him. I am happy right now, content I should say, and don' t trust him at all. I don' t trust anything he says. He' s not one I can count on. He was always ready to listen to his dad, get rid of me kind of thing. And now that he wants to try and work on things, I' m supposed to be all happy and try to care again.

It' s so annoying. I don' t want to get my feelings mixed up in this again. It just causes pain over and over again. How do I talk to him, and keep my distance (which I have to for myself).
My friend, who has been married for two years and had problems herself at the beginning, said you have to forget the past and move on, and show him you love him and all that. BUT it is NOT something I can do. I can' t pretend. I just wanna get by.
How can he act as though he didn' t do anything wrong, when he was the one who was the MOST hurtful. talking about abortions, not wanting me to come back...sooooo many things. Chandra replied. One thing I can' t do is forgive him, because he has not once even apologized. I don' t know if its his pride, or he actually thinks everything he did, said was ok. He said he basically wants to start over. Not make the same mistakes, from both of us. And that' s all fine, but I don' t think he realizes how much he hurt me over the past few months. No, he probably DOES REALIZE IT, but doesn' t care and is too ' proud' to apologize. And of course he thinks everything he did was absolutely fine.
I' ve talked to him a total of three times, just 5 or so minutes a day. And not once has he asked about the baby. His reason, he wants to ' fix the parents first, and then worry about the baby' . And I' m thinking, buddy, the CHILD IS COMING. IT IS VERY REAL...but I guess someone like him wouldn' t realize that.
So because of his lack of apologetic behaviour, his needless pride, just his overall demeanor (not to mention EVERYTHING from before...I am STILL shocked that he would even say once, ' can' t afford the baby, abortion, AND telling me not to come home'
So because of all that, I don' t think ANYONE, not the nicest, most forgiving person in the WORLD, would be able to forget that. I refuse to put on a front. I don' t need to stoop down to his level, I don' t need to be mean, BUT I don' t need to pretend either.
Namita replied. is he really willing to change or it is just to avoid talking with ur parents where all their wrong doing will come out .... now to give ur relation a chance or not depends on how much u can trust them ....from whetever u have described till now i feel they are filthy people .. bt u know them better ...all the best .. think 100 times b4 taking any decision as u have supporting parents Tony S replied. Dear Chandra,
I have been reading almost all your posts and feel for u. It is evident that u do not feel any positive feelings for your husband. However u should tell him all what u feel. u should tell him that with this basis in your heart, it is difficult for u to forgive and forget whatever happened in the past. tell him that only time is the healer and that u wish to wait for at least a year before u decide on anything. In the meanwhile, keep yourself engaged in some or the other activity. This will surely put him to test. people do not change overnight, they take time. if he is saying that, then he is only pretending. beware becoz if u forgive easily, u are bound to be abused again and again and u will never trust life again. tell him that u wish to keep the distance for some time and u can be like friends meeting for the first or second time. Chandra be careful, once an abuser, always an abuser. U look after your baby along with your parents and if he gets intersted in the baby, then thats it. dont get emotional, keep maintaing the cold shoulder with him. but DO NOT give in to his sweet talk. all the best. take care of your health. replied. I dont know how much and what quality help you have received here, but I find because this site allows any number of names to a single login and also does not allow you to delete your own posts, its a site frequented by a lot of adventure seekers, thereby making the site filthy many a times. Go look into Key Bridge center discussion. Your case deserves almost professional help, which you can get there...