Relationships  Discussion Forum

This is in relation to what I have already posted under \" What should I do? Pl guys suggest me something. I would not plan a baby as of now but am I wasting years trying to improve my relations with hubby when all he is interested is in his parents. what do u guys suggests? semi replied. I agree with what another girl comment , what she has suggested on measuring your husband' s love and confidence in this relationship. Basically use your own best judgement based upon some feedback provided by another girl. You need to be fully convinced that you are 75% and above satisifed with your husband behavior and married life and you can deal with your INLaws problem (your hubby being obsessed with them) than go for a baby. If you don' t feel confident enough about this relationship (unless you are perfectly fine living a life as single mother) than wait for a baby till the timings look right to you. HOpe it helps. but whatever you decide in this marriage.. decide one way around and after giving some time. Just keep on waiting and wasting time is not a good idea either.. one needs to take a decision one way or another after a fair amount of time or try.
semi
semi replied. I agree with what another girl comment , what she has suggested on measuring your husband' s love and confidence in this relationship. Basically use your own best judgement based upon some feedback provided by another girl. You need to be fully convinced that you are 75% and above satisifed with your husband behavior and married life and you can deal with your INLaws problem (your hubby being obsessed with them) than go for a baby. If you don' t feel confident enough about this relationship (unless you are perfectly fine living a life as single mother) than wait for a baby till the timings look right to you. HOpe it helps. but whatever you decide in this marriage.. decide one way around and after giving some time. Just keep on waiting and wasting time is not a good idea either.. one needs to take a decision one way or another after a fair amount of time or try.
semi
Another Girl replied. Hi Priya,

Your decision about not planning a baby seems good to me.

Just a quick question or reminder: Consider your relationship with your partner. Is he bad only when it comes to parents only? Does he care for your small needs and wishes? Does he resect your parents? Put it simple, does he qualify to be a perfect husband that meets your needs, cares for you, helps you in homely matters, loves you, cannot live without you, misses you, calls you in office to see how your work has been, has a normal chat with you, etc... List is endless, do consider all this. Incase all this seems yes to an extent of 85%, then start ignoring your inlaws taunts and live the life king size, enjoy with friends, keep get togethers, go to garba functions, etc. Also throw surprise Bithday cakes and gifts for your inlaws. It can help...

And when your inlaws say that you are lucky to get their son as husband, you should confidently say that our family is lucky because you are a fairly educated, smart, understanding and an earning female and are able to efficiently manage your household. Also try sending your inlaws to their home country so that you can get some space.

I also live in a foreign country and despite of having a good job, it feels difficult to move out of marriage, may be because I am alone in foreign country, also considering whole life alone....is difficult. Really... I understand. Chandra replied. Hey hun,

i dont know if you know my story, but like i said, its the same thing, with my husband running after his parents. He even said to me one time, that he would never choose his parents over me. BUT HE DID. clearly. Listened to his dad...came to a point where he agreed with his dad, with me not coming back home (im in school) arguing...and im pregnant right now...7 mths actually.

Its a rough spot that you' re in. You probably feel as I do. I wanted to have a happy relationship with my husband. One where he was everything to me, someone I could share my dreams with, someone I could love more then anything, and have the same in return. BUT, it didnt happen that way. I just got married 8 mths ago, me and him were happy....then his parents got involved and somehow turned him against me.

In my situation, and I am certainly NOT telling you to do the same...everyone is different...
but I have tried to forget about him. I' m away right now, at school, very close to my parents, and they are taking care of me 100%. they know that my inlaws and husband are unreasonable, and dont want me to live a life where i am miserable. Lucky for me my parents are supporting me. I always thought they would force me to go back, but they even said, what is the point of being married to a man that cant love me, the way a husband is supposed to love his wife.

I guess because I am away from him, its easier for me to ignore him...i havent talked to him in a long time now.

i think maybe, for you, have you tried to talk to ur husband? im guessing you probably expressed your feelings and he brushed you off.

i know its not the right move to have a child just for the sake of hoping your husband will give you the attention and love you deserve. Looking at my position, my husband hasnt asked about his kid for a month. Maybe its because I' m pregnant, it doesnt seem real to him, i dont know. But i think anyone would find that unacceptable. So if you decide to have a child, be prepared that your husband might now change his ways.

Is it possible for you to go away for awhile, maybe to your parents house. Maybe you can get away for a week or two. It might help ease your pain being with your parents. It really helps me with my parents here.

Other then that, I think you should really think of what you want out of life. only you know ur situation. If you are really miserable, well i dont think that is any way to live ur life. we only live once, and i have come to the conclusion in my life, if my husband does not turn around and change himself, pregnant or not, i cant be miserable with him and his parents putting me down.

Are things really that unbearable for you? to a point where you think you want to leave. Its really easy to say it, imagine it even. But to actually get up and leave your husband is extremely difficult.