Relationships  Discussion Forum

can anyone show me a way or any reasoning to help me with how to make my sis-in-law (and her 2 kids) move out of the house - come'on its been 1 year now.
I am in US - who stays in a joint family here - i understand in-laws but SIL is way too much...........

augustborn replied. Well Vaishali...I presume, your husband is not ready to move out even in the same locality...am I right?
I know you would be trying to speak to him about this issue again and again so its no use asking you to speak to him again.
What is his reaction about you two moving out...have you gauged that?
If nothing else works out, try dropping hints to your SIL. If she's a woman of even an iota of self respect, she would want to move out...What's her financial status?
If nothing else works out, wait till you get a job. If (as you said) you get a job far away, the problem is resolved(but how about your husband, wont he have to relocate and wot about his job)but even if you get a job in the same city, make your wishes known to your husband.
I would have gone ahead and looked for another place and asked my husband to join me if he wants. Not a fight nor a scene, a simple statement that I want a place of my own and that doesnt mean that my \";love and affection for my IL's is over\";. The husband would be forced to comply..but thats me and everything doesnt work for everyone...

Relax, Vaishali...we will all find a way out of this. We are here to help and support you.

Cheers!
augustborn replied. Hi Vaishali

I would suggest the following:

1. Donot give an impression to your husband that you want his sister and kids out of your life. He will resent it and you will turn out to be the \";evil one\"; in the scenario.
2. Men love to reason out...so explain to him that you would love to have a wonderful relationship with your SIL & IL's but you fear that as of now things are getting stressful and you might all end up hating each other.
3. Emphasise that to avoid that you should all have space. If yours is a rented accomodation, offer to move in the same locality. You can reason that since SIL is alone, IL's might want to live with her to but they are welcome to live with you.
3. Stress on the fact that you can all be together always but maybe just need your own space to unwind...
4. Emphasise that even they need a break from you guys occassionally.

But under no circumstances, should you let your husband believe that you want to lead a separate life. That will play havoc with his \";Indian upbringing\"; of believing that you can only show love and respect to your elders by living with them and breathing down each others neck day in and day out....
See how this works out...and keep us posted cd replied. hi vaishali

can you get an alternate house just next door, like thta even if your SIL and childrne are without a hubby and need support, you are there for them w/o sleeping under the same roof and sharing the same TV!!

@ @
U
*** another DIL replied. Dear,
You need to discuss this with your husband & decide on it. If its getting too stressful for you, then consider moving your family out of there. Can your SIL & her kids sustain on their own? whats your husband's take on it?