Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hello friends,

I have been reading your posts from last few days and am impressed the way you gals are helping each other, please give me also your valueable suggestions.

I am not in good terms with hubby, there is no love, respect, bonding nothing.
I am earning higher than him and still being treated as maid only. though I am doing all my duties as wife and mother, and get abused if I ask him for anything. he is very lazy and have a very high ego. His expectation from me is just 3 times food and occasional sex. After coming from work, either he continue his office work, or watch online movies or some bollywood news. once food is ready he will start telling shortcomings (comparing my food to his mom, who cooks with too much of oil and spices..)

I keep telling him do some constructive, invest money wisely or try for job change but he doesnot give ear to it.
he is earning very less, even though he is into IT for last so many years.

he can' t even handle money matters, always I need to get involved and support, but that hurts his ego and he sometime hides things from me like late charges for rent, cheque bouncing charges etc. which he pays because of his carelessness and laziness.

he doesn' t support in kitchen or other household work, he is also not interested in taking care or playing with child.

my in-laws are as usual though I am not stayin with them, they are in India, so less trouble. but their one call can make my night miserable, I avoid talking to them. (they brainwashed my husband very beginning of our marriage that this girl (me) can start dominating you, as she is earning and her parents are welloff.)

Earlier I used to think that time will improve our situation and one day he will change with my love & care, but it has been 7 years and things have gone more worse. I look stupid to myself.
I want to be separated, but afraid of staying single with kid in USA.

Parents keep telling to me, ignore him and concentrate on ur health & career. Sister & friends says leave him, he is not worth you..

I want your opinion, what should be the border line of staying with someone who doesnt love, respect me. what values am I teaching to my child with this life.

How difficult would it be if I move out.. joydeep majumdar replied. it feels trouble some always to hear all of this , wish your husband cooperated , besides dont worry , i really salute women like you who are doing so much to raise their family
do let me know what you feel of ur in laws
semi replied. Hi there
Here is my 2 cent on your problem.

1) Your husband earing less than you or in general is something may bother a girl but this is not a solid reason to end any marriage. I have seen many marriages where husband is earing less than their wifves or lazy and scared to change a job or hop around in jobs. So try to convience him when he is a good mode or showing some example of his own family or relative that going up in career or making more money can help him and his family in several way. If he does not show any intreast than just let things be the way they are..
2) I have also herad a lot of complain from lots of indian ladies saying that their hubby does not help in household work or kids homework etc.. This is another most common problem among all indian girls living in USA. I might be wrong in my assumption but this is based upon my research and friend circle. So if he is not helping in household work than just do what is most imporatant for you doing at home. Don' t spend too much time in kitchen making 10 different things every day. If he cannot help in any house work than he needs to compromise in meal or other things too at home..
3) Male are mostly egoest special indian male. They moment you pinpoint their major mistake or unacceptable behavior.. they go through the roof.. This is pretty common too.. So try to avoid him when it comes to a point where he is goint to blast back knowing his egoest behavior.
4) Try to look at brighter side of this marriage too. If he is not abusive in nature (when I say abusive means physical, mental, imotional and verbal abusers) or cheating you behind your back or not taking care of family or financial resposbilty than these are Major point regarding, breaking one' s marriage or doing something drastic to improve the situation. If he does not fall into this carogory than think again about seperating from him.
Living alone in USA is not a problem at all rather this is the most safe and suitable country for any single woman in this entire world. Compare the social and administrative sturcture of this country and india and you will understand what i mean by saying that. I have several friends living as single or single mother in this country after ending their abusive marriages.
If you get a chance. Please buy or borrow this book and read. This is one of the best book I have ever read on relationship problems. This will guide you in several way and would be an eye opener.
Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them : When Loving Hurts and You Don' t Know Why (Paperback)
by Susan Forward (Author), Joan Torres (Author)
take care
semi Ritika replied. I tried to post a couple of times but the website didn' t allow it...god knows why..it did not contain any website' s name or anything...

will try again tomorrow.