Relationships  Discussion Forum

I know this is going to come as great shock to friends here.Mine is a love marriage after 6 yrs of our married life and with lots of prayers we finally have baby.For this occassionmy hubby wanted to invite my parents over to our place so they cud be present for this grand occassion as this is the first grandchild on both our sides.i have an elder brother who does not have kids yet(unfortunately).
My mom ever since our baby was born last month has been on a warpath with my hubby n me.She completely humiliates my hubby and finds fault in him for the way he holds his baby,the way he kisses the baby,the way he talks to the baby,and even the way we give bath to our baby.
She always used to find faults in me b' coz of which over the yrs I developed severe lack of self esteem and was a very bitter person.
My hubby was the first person in my life who ever asked me what I wanted or desired in my life.
He gave me a lot of confidence and it took almost 6 yrs of his relentless encouragement to help me become a confident person.
My mom disapproves of me all the more today coz I make my own decisions,and a very confident person.
It seems to me that she came here wid a motive of taking over things and control me and pitt me against my hubby.It did not work.
Ours being a interreligious marriage she wants to claim the right to the baby,though she does not say anything.
I had a c-section and my mom has been the most unsupportive mom i have ever met.She made my life miserable.
she always grabs the baby from my hubby.
Only b' coz of my strong stand has she backed off.But she is an experienced and a very strong dominating woman.
Please I just needed to vent out,i am getting tired everyday .they plan to be wid us till april.But am losing my nerves.....


anu replied. Hi,
I know exactly how it feels ... I have gone thru similar experiences a year ago.
As I am working my mom came over to help me with the kid. She used to find mistakes in everything we did like If I or hubby held our son she found mistakes .. If I wipe his nose she used to say his nose has become red bcoz I wiped it hard .. if my hubby fed something she said he had fed without washing his hands (though he used to very careful abt cleanliness).. So basically used to critisize me for everything .. When I used to point out her actions she would start crying and creating a scene at home !
I was really fedup . So finally before my hubby said something I decided to do something.
I discussed with my brother and they shifted a lil away from my home so we couldnt go to each other place on daily basis.
Fee days she blew her top , I too felt terribly guilty but whatever I did was the best to control the situation .. Now she is very happy .. everyday my son goes to her place after school ..spends couple of hours and I pick him up. So she too gets adequate rest in the evening and I too am in control of my home.




Ritika replied. Hi Shalini,

I think you need to have a tough talk with your mom on this.

I firmly believe that men and women need to sometimes tell their parents to back off. Just as husbands need to support their wives openly in front of their parents, so does the wife need to do in front of her parents...it is a 2 way street.

In your case your mom has always behaved like this with you and is just continuing her behavior with your hubby and child.

I think you need to tell your mom that you do not like the way she is treating your husband. Tell her specifically what you don' t like. E.g. snatching the baby away from your hubby, criticizing so much your child care skills etc.

Tell her that if she doesn' t let you take care of your own child, then how will you learn?

Also tell her firmly that because of her, you are getting so much stressed that you don' t need at this particular time...and that if she continues to treat your husband and you like this, then maybe we can advance her departure days...

You need to be really really strong here because parents are so used to bull dozing their kids all their lives (and you say that your mom has been very dominating all her life), it is very hard for them to accept that their children have become adults and have independent minds of their own and no longer need their reassurance to feel confident about themselves.

Your mom of course will act like a martyr and try to make you feel guilty for even raising this topic with her. She might say that she has your best interests at heart and is doing all she can for the baby and you and how can you even think like that about her etc etc. You just need to keep strong and drive home your point. Once she knows that you will no longer tolerate her ill treating your hubby, she will slowly (and hopefully) stop.

Also, what is your dad' s take on all this? Can you talk to him about talking to your mom and asking her to back off??

take care,
Ritika