I am 28 and have 2 young children.I had a good job 6 years back but I quit it since my first child's birth.My husband is gentle and caring but just does not seem to have any time for the family.It has always been like this but is getting worse.He leaves at the break of dawn and comes home around midnight.I have no reason to suspect infidelity.I want to know what do I do to keep myself busy and not missing my husband too much.We have a definite monthly expenditure budget, so shopping and beauty parlours are just once a month.I drive and so I take my children to fast-foods once a week and go to the gym on weekdays,talk to friends,but what else.The country I live in is very small but very affluent,so charities are out of question.My husband doesn't even take vacations.Also I am so angry with my husband that I cannot talk to him at length even when he comes home at night.This is affecting my relationship with him.Please help me out of this.
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I am 28 and have 2 young children.I had a good job 6 years back but I quit it since my first child's birth.My husband is gentle and caring but just does not seem to have any time for the family.It has always been like this but is getting worse.He leaves at the break of dawn and comes home around midnight.I have no reason to suspect infidelity.I want to know what do I do to keep myself busy and not missing my husband too much.We have a definite monthly expenditure budget, so shopping and beauty parlours are just once a month.I drive and so I take my children to fast-foods once a week and go to the gym on weekdays,talk to friends,but what else.The country I live in is very small but very affluent,so charities are out of question.My husband doesn't even take vacations.Also I am so angry with my husband that I cannot talk to him at length even when he comes home at night.This is affecting my relationship with him.Please help me out of this.
juvinile replied. Ok about S's problem I think she should first realise that it is her wrong attitude to get angry over her husband. Though she has every right to get angry over the situation prevailing ( 'a' :there is a subtle difference if you can understand). Now she and her husband have to talk to each other to make their situation better and peaceful for both. For this they would have to see where does all of their time go? Blame game won't help anyone. Sit for a while, as 'a' said over the weekend, discuss your problem lovingly without criticism and work out a solution. It might be that he is spending too much time to earn too much money which you can sacrifice for some better time for togetherness. Do this and let us know.
I think 'a' would not differ with this !!
a replied. hi!!
this is 'a' again,,, well juvinile seems to be understanding our point of view now, hehe,, in his first message he just said that its her wrong attitude and now he has advised her to talk to him,so its quite clear that its S's attitude is not wrong.
Now S what I want you to do is keep replying us about you and your problem. so that I could suggest you all the solutions for this problem.
AND JUVINILE!! AS I GUESSED THAT YOU ARE A MAN AND COULD NOT UNDERSTAND THIS PROBLEM,WHY DON'T YOU JUST LEAVE US ALONE IF YOU CANT DO ANY GOOD.
take care S
juvinile replied. dont you guys think before giving someone advises?? women like you are totally selfish and biased. just thinking about yourself all the time. have you ever thought why on earth does he work 14-16 hrs a day? what for? and have you ever thought the goodies that you get every month for you and your children where do they come from? You ppl just know to enjoy the life at home and shutting down all the thougt process of where does all this enjoyment come from? This lady might not even know what job his husband does and where is his office located. So much self centric attitude !!! This woman b calls me old fashioned, but herself seems so. But you are right to say that s should go out and make herself a bit independent.
Talking about mama's boy it has nothing to do with this. If you apply your brains slightly more, the children could be girl also.
Finally s, I would suggest you not to get encouraged with these self centric ideas that a and b have given you. Just understand your husband's situation. Talk to him about your problem. See where does his time get consumed. Dont criticise him or blame him. You will feel relaxed and work out a solution for your passing the time.
a replied. Hi S!!
I don't agree with the people who say its ur wrong attitude. Its really difficult to be at home all the time with no break of vacations and taking care of kids all by yourself.
you must tell your husband that U miss him and want to spend good amount of time with him.
What does he do on weekends? Don't you have any friend circle? why don't you look for a job? Or why don't you go for some online or correspondence course?
if ur husband doesnt understand this, make him understand by doing the same to him, I know it would be difficult but try and pretend that you are busy too and don't tell him anymore that u miss him.
Try this!!
hope it will work, and don't worry its nothing to do with ur attitude its a very obvious problem.
juvinile must be a MAN thats why he couldn't understand.
all the best
juvinile replied. hey s, you are totally wrong in thinking this way. you dont see the hard work he does for his family??? He wants to fulfil your and your children needs and desires and that is why he has to work so hard and you instead of feeling grateful have complains against him. Worng attitude I would say !
2004-01-15
#1
Name: juvinile Subject: reply
Ok about S's problem I think she should first realise that it is her wrong attitude to get angry over her husband. Though she has every right to get angry over the situation prevailing ( 'a' :there is a subtle difference if you can understand). Now she and her husband have to talk to each other to make their situation better and peaceful for both. For this they would have to see where does all of their time go? Blame game won't help anyone. Sit for a while, as 'a' said over the weekend, discuss your problem lovingly without criticism and work out a solution. It might be that he is spending too much time to earn too much money which you can sacrifice for some better time for togetherness. Do this and let us know.
I think 'a' would not differ with this !!
2004-01-20
#2
Name: a Subject: agree!!
Hi juvinile!
This is a good reply, You seemed to understand her problem now. You have just stolen my words in this reply so I don't see need to say anything.
take care
2004-01-18
#3
Name: s Subject: reply.
Juvinile,please understand that people go to gyms for fitness and good health not vanity.I cannot afford to fall ill (you get the point).Fast foods are cheapest restaurants in town.Anyway I found the solution to my anger.I cut down on carbohydrates esp sugar.Since I dont have my blood sugar rising and falling,my moods are quite stable and so less anger and frustration.The solution came from a anger management consultant.Anyways, thanx to all who responded.
2004-01-18
#4
Name: juvinile Subject: reply
Hi s,
Sorry for being insensitive, if you see your original post, you have praised your husband a lot, gentle and caring and no infidelity. working from dawn to night. you go to fast food restaurant and gym. your only problem was to talk to your husband and you were angry with him since you couldnt find time to talk to him. So that doesnt give a bad image of your husband at all. But now you are saying that he is insensitive and all that !!
I didnt mean that you are very rich and spend lavishly. But whatever money comes into your house at the end of month is very hard earned by your husband. If he has to compromise his peace of mind he is doing it just to make your livelihood better. Earning money is not easy in present times you know that.
Had it been that he is not earning enough and spending time with other girls or in bar or wasting the money (which you dont agree) then there was a reason to be angry.
That is what i say that you should not be antry with him, but with the situation in your home, for which you need to talk.
2004-01-16
#5
Name: s Subject: reply.
Thanx to all of you who responded.But Juvinile you have been extremely insensitive.I am not a rich wife who has money to spend with both hands but a working class wife who has to review the monthly expenses each month and the goodies basket you talk about is empty.Bringing up the children who make him proud,wishing his parents and relatives on their birthdays and occasions(my husband forgets his own birthday),seeing each and every penny of his hard earned money is spent and invested wisely,keeping the home warm and welcoming and having a hot meal ready even at an unearthly hour,trying to be the perfect wife,mother,daughter and daughter-in-law is not so easy.Ofcourse most women do it,so I dont claim to be special.Yes,I wish I dont get angry with my husband because it ruins the little time I get with him.I have made a sincere effort to understand his situation but he has hardly made any to understand mine.I can also have a bad day especially in winters when my children's asthma gets worse and I get winter blues.On one such day when I did complain,my husband rudely told me that 'this is how it is going to be,take it or leave it.'(And I thought he worked hard for me and my children.)Though he said it in anger and may not have meant it,it created a major rift which we are still bridging.So I really dont have the courage to pick this topic with him again for some time to come.Hope everything will work out fine.
2004-01-15
#6
Name: a Subject: hi S!
hi!!
this is 'a' again,,, well juvinile seems to be understanding our point of view now, hehe,, in his first message he just said that its her wrong attitude and now he has advised her to talk to him,so its quite clear that its S's attitude is not wrong.
Now S what I want you to do is keep replying us about you and your problem. so that I could suggest you all the solutions for this problem.
AND JUVINILE!! AS I GUESSED THAT YOU ARE A MAN AND COULD NOT UNDERSTAND THIS PROBLEM,WHY DON'T YOU JUST LEAVE US ALONE IF YOU CANT DO ANY GOOD.
take care S
2004-01-15
#7
Name: juvinile Subject: reply
I am not going to leave anywhere. I have got every right to discuss things here. You are so much biased against men that you simply shut your ears and mind before a man's point of view. What new understanding can you give to your fellow women. You are already filled with this crap thinking.
One important thing that I have observed with most of the women thinking is that they always want to solve issues by fighting and not with more understanding. I dont know why ??
2004-01-14
#8
Name: juvinile Subject: reply
dont you guys think before giving someone advises?? women like you are totally selfish and biased. just thinking about yourself all the time. have you ever thought why on earth does he work 14-16 hrs a day? what for? and have you ever thought the goodies that you get every month for you and your children where do they come from? You ppl just know to enjoy the life at home and shutting down all the thougt process of where does all this enjoyment come from? This lady might not even know what job his husband does and where is his office located. So much self centric attitude !!! This woman b calls me old fashioned, but herself seems so. But you are right to say that s should go out and make herself a bit independent.
Talking about mama's boy it has nothing to do with this. If you apply your brains slightly more, the children could be girl also.
Finally s, I would suggest you not to get encouraged with these self centric ideas that a and b have given you. Just understand your husband's situation. Talk to him about your problem. See where does his time get consumed. Dont criticise him or blame him. You will feel relaxed and work out a solution for your passing the time.
2004-01-14
#9
Name: a Subject: I understand!
Hi S!!
I don't agree with the people who say its ur wrong attitude. Its really difficult to be at home all the time with no break of vacations and taking care of kids all by yourself.
you must tell your husband that U miss him and want to spend good amount of time with him.
What does he do on weekends? Don't you have any friend circle? why don't you look for a job? Or why don't you go for some online or correspondence course?
if ur husband doesnt understand this, make him understand by doing the same to him, I know it would be difficult but try and pretend that you are busy too and don't tell him anymore that u miss him.
Try this!!
hope it will work, and don't worry its nothing to do with ur attitude its a very obvious problem.
juvinile must be a MAN thats why he couldn't understand.
all the best
2004-01-14
#10
Name: juvinile Subject: reply
hey s, you are totally wrong in thinking this way. you dont see the hard work he does for his family??? He wants to fulfil your and your children needs and desires and that is why he has to work so hard and you instead of feeling grateful have complains against him. Worng attitude I would say !
2004-01-14
#11
Name: b Subject: Nothing wrong in your attitude
Is this the reason why guys become mamas boy ? Because they never get influenced by their fathers. From childhood to adulthood they are always with their mothers and so even after marriage they find it hard to leave their mothers.
Well I totally agree with what "a" has said. Juvinile is old-fashioned.
I feel you should make your kids go behind their father for things like playing, telling stories etc.
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Name: a
agree!!
reply.
reply.
hi S!
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