Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi everyone,

After reading the messages here, I feel, I should consider myself happily married.
But now, problems have started arising in my life too.
Me and my husband were staying in a different city, while both of our natives is the same city.
So whenever we visit them, we used to spend equal time at both houses.
In my in-laws place, I was not treated bad and all, but, there were differences in culture like food habits and others.
Now, I am pregnant, and we need to go and settle in our native place as, if we stay here, there will not be anyone to take care of the kid, as I am a working lady.
Also, my mother stays alone in a house, and we need to be with her, as she is physically unwell.
My problem is, how to tackle the situation and stay in my mom's place rather than in-laws?
Also, it is difficult to bring up children in in-laws place, as they dont consider education important, and dsont bother to
ask children to learn, but it is important for me.
Also, they dont give privacy to my husband and me.
The food habits are also bad, like they feed my hubby with 3-4 eggs and all a day, whenever we are there.
Also, we will have to support them financially, if we go and stay there.
These things are worrying me a lot.
Please advise.. niyathi replied. every one is lucky in one way or the other, god has created us and given us such that each one of us have our part of happiness and sadness, nothing that one person is lucky and other is not.
as a human being one will have everything in life. another DIL replied. i too have a similar prob. my husband is planning to bring over my in-laws for my delivery in US. they are not very educated. their food habits are also bad. they eat only to satisfy their tastes. they like everything spicy and oily. they never pay any attention to nutritious food. and their cooking habits are also very poor. when we went to india last time, i was usually not allowed to cook. coz i don't make tasty food. i was always asked to do all the side work. if at all i ever commented on the nutritional value being destroyed,etc, my MIL said my son (my hubby) likes such food and you never make it for him. u make only according to your tastes. and so on...
now since they will be coming over, i am concerned abt it. i won't be able to do the kitchen work. and my MIL will give me such food after delivery. also she has no cleaning sense. the kitchen and the utensils are usually dirty.
my husband although nice, never says anything to them. cd replied. why do you have to leave your home? get a nanny! you'll only need full time help for a month or two..is it worth it?
tell them you cant leave from work/you might lose your job or something..workout some explanation. your home is yours. people can come but they will need to go too! if you know what i mean..

good luck! another DIL replied. Hi there,
Things always get complicated when your own family grows. You now have too many variables to workout. Talk to your husband about this & workout a solution. And some battles are not even worth fighting for. Like the money situation. When you are with in-laws you have to spend it thats just how it works. If you decide to live with in-laws then make a budget & stick to it. Also, after you give birth, you should raise your kid the way you want. Everybody else is a guest in your marriage/family. You n the hubby need to put your foot down & make those decisions. If theres something that your in-laws do that will potentially harm the kid or doesn't go with your philosophy, then you must explain in a nice way. Be armed with the best possible explanation. And have a plan B. If things don't workout between in-laws then what will you do? Either take sometime off from work or get a nanny to look at the kid. If you get to stay with your mom then I am guessing it wouldn't be as bad.
Just don't givein to whatever they say, & be firm. You can listen to what others have to say, but do what is right for you.
I hope this helps. Don't get too worked up about it. Enjoy your pregnancy.