Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hello friends,
I have a very difficult situation and I don't know how to tackle it. I have been married for 1.5 yrs. My husband is very understanding but my biggest problem is my MIL. On my trip to India last summer (for the first time) she created a lot of problems. I can't forget the problems I faced with her that time. She didn't like that I should visit my parents. She would never leave my husband alone with me even for a second. Not only this if we would go out she would come with us. I didn't mind that, but she would even tell a sabzi-waala/doodh-waala also that we are staying abroad and don’t live with her. She would make others feel that she is the sorriest soul that she is staying away from her son. She would ask us to visit all the relatives and accompany us and in front of everyone she would say the same thing again and again and make us feel so embarrassed. Even she made my parents to feel embarrassed as she would call them every now and then and tell this. I felt very bad but never said anything to her.
Now that we have to go again this summer I am so worried. Please help me and suggest how to handle this situation, I don’t want to run into such problems again? Thanks in advance. help needed replied. Hi,
It’s me again with my difficult situation. I was recently talking to one of my husband’s aunt and she told me that my MIL told her all this. That we (my husband and I) are moving back to India next year. We haven't even mentioned anything about it. My husband and I both want to settle here but my MIL is creating such an unbearable situation. My husband is working since long and he doesn’t want to leave such an excellent job and I recently started my new job which is also very good and I am fully satisfied. To put it this way my husband and I are fully satisfied with our jobs and work environment and don’t want to make any changes. Especially at this stage when he is at a very high rank and expecting another promotion. Now she has spread this rumor among all the relatives. As I said we have to go this summer also I am just frightened by the thought of facing her. Why is she such a pain in the neck? We visit them once a year and she already has some problems created for us. Now when I visit all the relatives they will have this question and to make it worse she will be accompanying us with her sorry and grim face. She always tries putting us down and driving us nuts. It makes me sick every time I think about her and here machinations.
Help me :( help needed replied. Thank you friends for your suggestions. Well the situation is more complex than it sounds. The thing is that I just can’t ignore her. She starts crying and cursing and creates a whole scene. My hubby feels we visit them once a year then what’s the point of getting in any kind of arguments. Where ever my hubby will go she will definitely come and keep lecturing. Whether its my parents place or some other place. I don’t know why she feels so insecure. But last time was my first trip after marriage. I was naïve and very submissive. Now that I know its not an easy world, I have to fight for my rights. Let’s see how it goes.
Thanks! a DIL replied. Dear,
I have the exact situation going on in our lives too. Very cooperative hubby, in-laws (the sorriest souls on earth) living back in india. It is very frustrating. But we like to do our own thing. We made a trip out to meet with my grand parents in another city. Just the 2 of us. If she whines too much, tough !! Just ignore. If shes at a point where you can;t handle it. Tell your husband to explain to her that your visits are short. So you need to distribute your time between everyone. When they (the in-laws) visit you, you can spend all the time they want with you. My mil didn't want me to visit my own mom n dad. But I just don't respond to her cries. Shes barking up the wrong tree for such things. Don't get stuck in this mess at all. Get your hubby to do the talk. kruti replied. Be happy that you have to deal with her only once a while not like many of the DILs for whom this is a daily situation. Why don't u or ur hubby make it clear to her before u land here that it hurts if she behaves like this. SInce urs is a rare visit u should also visit ur relatives and friends. Ur husband should also understand that u take equal time between relatives of boths sides. Just make sure its u who plan ur next visit. Plan out in such a way that u visit ur relatives on the way to ur husband;s relatives place. This way she will not be everywhere with u.
Njoy ur vacation