Relationships  Discussion Forum

I am a working lady. Ours was a love marriage but there is no element of love left in our relationship now.I have a 4.5 months old kid. I resumed office a few days back. When I started coming to office , I realized that he is too young n I was not able to concentrate in my work. So I discussed this wid my hubby who din’t show any interest in my concern n thot it was a temporary feeling n will vanish v soon. Agaon after a few days I mentioned the same thing but he said I am just getting carried away n if I repeat the same thng again that will mean I am really serious abt leaving the job.

I am earning OK not as gud as he earns. His take home salary is more than double of what I am getting. He invests in shares too.He is being giving lot of money to his father who is also very fond of investing in shares. His mom is a spendthrift and is in habit of buying very expensive stuff..which even I don’t buy inspite of earning a reasonable salary.

My hubby has not purchased a house yet b coz he is always been de motivated by his parents for doing so. He has not even purchased a car for us so we hardly go anywhere eversince my kid is born. Yesterday he told me that he is planning to buy a care n wants to make a down payment of 1.5 lacs so he also asked me to contribute. I told him that I am anyway planning to leave the job so I show li’l discomfort in contributing to same. Since yesterday he is li’l disturbed and upset n not talking to me nicely.

Ladies- My husband’s take home is 58000 n mine is 26000. So we both earn a decent amt but I hardly spend on my self . I want to save for my baby n parents . Though I am paying a big amt for maid who takes care of my kid.I also make payments for groceries and fruits many a times+ there are miscellaneous expenditures. So by the end of month I am hardly left with 10000-13000 with me which I want to save.

Now I want to ask all the earning ladies
1) How much a wife should contributes if both the spouse are earning.
2) Was it not justifies if I told my hubby that I would not be able to contribute.. I did so because I know he is been spending a lot on his parents who are already earning(both) but tryig to exploit their innocent son.
3) Whether I should leave the job and not wait for my husband’s answer.Since I have understood now that he doesn’t want me to leave the job.
4) Whether my husband is being selfish.
5)hOW DO YOU GUYS MANAGE YOUR EXPENCES?
pritee replied. most important - dont even think abt leaving ur job. ur situation will become from bad to worse.

today because u have ur own money ... positively - u are not dependable or answerable to ur husband & negatively - ur husband ignores all exps & knows u will be able to take care of all expenses.

if ur husband spends money to his fly ... sons think its their duty to serve their parents !! u cant do anything abt it.

draw a line !!! out of ur salary, spend about 3000 to 4000/- for the maid / grocery / bills (u decide 1 option). rest of the money save ....

dont pay the bills, dont buy the grocery m sure no one can live without elect / phone or food !! difficult but worth a try. suhani replied. Well it entirely depends on the relationship you share with your hubby . Level of trust and comfort
• There is nothing wrong in giving money to his parents. They have raised him and have right on him. Why we DIL crib so much when they give money or gifts to parents good thing is you take care of your parents in turn . Sponsor their tours, outings, medical expenses.
• If you have saved the money give that to your hubby for the car . after all its your car your hubby and your kids .
• Husband and wife are two bodies and one soul if you trust him he will trust you more .
• Do not ever think of leaving your job . Job is your strength .
I am a working mom of two young kids one is 2 and half and second is just one. i give single penny of my salary to my hubby . He manages everything at his own I do not question his integrity .i do not keep even 2000rs in my account . I get my salary on 30th and same day I give cheque to my hubby for the complete amount . He spends lavishly on his parents in turn what I do
• I take care of my parents their movie tickets, medical tests, consultations, medicine. Pick up and dropping as they live far off from my place. My hubby supports me fully and never say no for anything. He gives me money without asking why.
• My hubby was fond of car and always wanted to buy one , I knew that . So I took loan from my office and give loan amount to him . He got so emotional and sort of proud of what I have done to him. In turn he got that car registered in my name. so this is give and take relationship .
• I always dreamt of owning a house my own home and he knew that. We took joint loan and bought home in the joint name .
For me my hubby is everything and I do not hide any thing from him be it money, any fight any problem . I share everything .
He has complete hold and control on my expenses but gives me money as and when without questioning why ?
But do not carried away by others example as you know your hubby best
Suhani
stranger replied. Hi ST,

I keep my salary, spend on grocery to a limit, spend on activity realted to my job. Rest all exp are born by my partner.

Dont mind, y do u pay servants wages. Child is ur and ur husbands. Ur husband should bear the expenses. As per Indian mythology, husband has to bear the lady' s expenses. If wife earns, she is just a helping hand.

U say u earn 26k while save only 13k, sounds really strange. U should be able to save more. Anyways, dont leave ur job. U and ur child need that. From what I gather from ur words is that u r not happy with ur husband, nor does he has any respect for u. He does not spend on u, etc

Also, if u want to settle matters with ur husband, just giv him 10k for his car so that he also feels that u r contributing. U can also ask him to do the grocery shopping,etc.
Srey replied. Yeah, since I am a saver and not a spender. I have the responsibility of holding the money in our household.

It' s a matter of knowing where your money goes, you know? Have a money Log. Each day you spend write it down.

$69- Groceries for 1/12/08
$65- on Gas for 1/13/08
and etc.....

Honestly, we each have one. Works out just fine for us. sss replied. i have similar back grounds.our earnings are also similar to yours.we dont live with in-laws and they live on their own money.my in-laws never expect money from my hubby and he also never felt the need as they can manage on their own extremely well.and it is my hubby who is more interested in savings than me.he never allow me to take any money from my account.he says he spend all the money from his earnings and if we start taking money from my account also we wont be having any savings.recently he started saving from his salary also and invest in mutual funds.
in my case it was my decision not to leave my job though my husband was open to both options.
somehow i believe that your hubby is only trying to help when he ask you to continue your job.do you think he is selfish in money matters otherwise?dont he think for the whole family rather than for himself?think deeply.your grudge feeling for your hubby might be only temporary and might be because you are unhappy about leaving your child.if he ask you to contribute in buying a car,ask him about why he want your help.start a healthy discussion.i think its the same if he or you contribute.afterall you are one family.or if he is a spendthrift,you can give excuses and not spend from your money.it is a decision you have to take depending on your situations.i dont think its right on my part to advice anything as i am not having your hubby' s views. seems replied. take money from your dh for your expenditure and save you entire salary dont touch it at all ask him to pay for maids salary too. seems replied. MOST IMPORTANT THING...DONT EVER LEAVE THE JOB...
i have 2 years old baby i too mis her it goes with everyone . i have seen collegeues crying in office when they miss their babies ...when hteier babies fall down ...or not well..they cant take half day n go to attend ill baby..
it will be your bigest mistake of ur life..
i am shocked to know that your in laws are earining then y do u spend so much..pls stop it
noneed to spend on house hold things for every small thing ask your hsuband only thing u should spend is on the maid thats it..
expalin it to your husband how important it is to save money for childs futre block all your money in investments like mfs, shares..fds whatever so that your husband doesnt ask for money
there is no question for asking money ...for buying a car..
i will tel l you will never get a chance to use it
i had bought computer at home and i pay for internet for my husband and my officcial work trust me its 3 motnhs now i have not got a chance to check my perosnal emails for get about offical work
chi replied. Hi dear...

I am also a working lady and I understand very well what it is with a young baby, office, regular chores, etc.
In your current situation, I would probably contribute some of the amount...say around 50k if I have it in my savings for the car. Its anyway going to be for your family...so there' s nothing wrong in contributing. In an ideal situation, it should not be your money, my money...but our money.
If your hubby is giving some money to his parents, I guess he has the liberty to do so...but if you think its unreasonably high...then come up with an annual/monthly budget and do talk about saving for your family' s future. First thing is, dont talk negatively about his giving money to his parents...instead come up with a budget and let him give a fixed amount to his parents, that way you would not feel it a big burden. Keep a track on the expenses and whether its as per budget. As long as he is not wasting the money and thinks/plans for the family' s future, it should not be a big worry.
And about your plan to quit the job...I would suggest not. You can probably take off for another couple of months...or try to work for half day initially and then increase the number of hours. Yes it feels overwhelming at times, but you' ll get over that as the baby grows and gets independent. Since you are already worried about the financial planning of your husband, its better for you to be financially independent.
I totally understand when you say that you' ve not gone anywhere after your child' s birth. Even with a car, it gets difficult to travel around with a baby. So just hang on for a while...and enjoy your spare time with the baby and hubby at home.
Namita replied. i would suggest u not to leave the job .. i have few ladies who have same prob. as urs even they miss their child but after a yr. i think it will be ok ... so pls. i understnd ur child need u now but by leaving job u vl cut ur hands

abt. expenses .... it depends on ur relation with ur DH .... if u want to save seperately then better do less expenses ... either u can tell them that u vl hand over some 5000 Rs. every month (let them decide wht to do) or tell them that u vl pay 1 or 2 bills ... best is if u can stop contributing anything, as ur hubby is already giving money to them

dnt think of leaving job, u can take suggetion from those who have children