Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi all ,

I am not so new to this board and have been reading all the messages .I feel this is a wonderful site to expose urself for new ideas ,which would help in our day to day busy lives.
Coming to my problem its is not so new but its unique,where i dont think from my point of view any solution other than ending the life or seperating.
Iam married 15 yrs ,blessed with 2 kids.Ever since we r together ,almost everytime its misunderstandings ,arguments and fightings.This is because mediator who is close relative kept some promises before my husband which ultimately were not satisfied ,however some money as dowry was given.But he is not happy,now since he is in IT field,he is earning good ,but the problem is iam jobless,culdnt contribute any thing to the family except taking care of kids n some day to day chores.He is abusing me n my parents for being dependant on him and indirectly tells the kids to study and not to become a parasite which he really hates.Everytime he abuses ,he dont like my parents but want them to help in some chores like looking after the property when he is in other city r abroad. He threatens me for getting help from them,never he was affectionate and has lots of gredge and trying the impose the same on kids.He says iam a burden,calls his mom n tells that we shuld only take care of the kids .He actually expected a lot from my family n me.Since he is in a good positon ,he started hating all my family members,now totally turned to their mom side.He doesnt care for me at all and consider as a human being and the duties iam doing .Ialso tried to get into any job but to my ill fate i couldnt suceed. Whwn hw says iam worthless n fit for nothing and compares with others ,iam so deppressed and al these things involve into a big argument.Pls help me by giving a good solution.
Thanks in advance Srey replied. Honestly, a person who look down on someone is a jerk!!

Sorry to hear, Siri. But, Only God will open his eyes. Maybe he is mad at something, maybe he is pressured or jealous of someone. Whatever the reason may be, the problem is clearly him.

Separation? I don' t know. Maybe it will teach him a lesson, but, since you are not working. This is not good. Beside, you have 2 kids, right? The only thing I can think of is, try to earn some extra money by working from home.

You can: Cook, offered to babysit for someone, buy something at a lower price and go sell it for a profit. king uncle replied. Dear Siri,You are in a bad situation and feeling worthless will make your situation worse whereas you are nowhere to be blamed for this situation.A woman who runs the household well and takes care of the children is doing a much larger job than the man who earns money.In th job of the homemaker the worst problem is that there is no public recognition and no designation.Only self motivation and affection drives the woman to do the work.No male can work in his office if he gets salary only but n promotion/power/ recognition.What i am trying to tell you is that you are not doing a mean job.It is not right on the part of your husband to expect your parents to do his minor work.So chnage your midset.You have to look at your self with high selfesteem before anybody respects you.Beleive me Siri what you are doing very few women are able to do it efficiently.

So change things now!Think what you can do good to earn mony.There are many avenues ie taking cookery classes,Tutions,Teaching in school,counsellor for small institutes,Beautician.If your qualification is a limitation then upgrade the same through correspondence course.Stop any of his abuses.Talk to him with firmness when kids are not around that you will not tolerate such behaviour.No man with self respect can expect his household to be supported by dowry money.Three things:-
You should become a good homemaker and a good mother
Do NOT TOLERATE ANY ABUSE AND HIS THREAT TO YOUR PARENTS.
Upgrade your skils/qualification to earn money.My best wishes Shristi replied. Dear Siri.

Please stop worrying on this. Fist of all, be courageous and tell yourself that you are a person of worth. Be confident about yourself. Worrying will never lead you to any better state.

Tell your husband that you are his wife and he ought to treat you with respect and regard that is due to you. Do not fight with him for this. Handle this in a matured and diplomatic manner. Make him understand that he is in a good position and earns pretty well, and that it is not a prestigious thing for him to expect money from you or your parents. Tell him that you do all the household chores, you take care of the kids, out of love for him and the children. You definitely cannot expect money for all this, right? Make him understand that it his duty to take care of you.

I hope that your husband is not that bad a person. Please do not try for any separation of taking away life for this issue. Such thoughts are very foolish. Make work the marriage. Be with him, support him, take care of all his needs, Gradually pull him towards you by your actions. Try to appear attractive to him, speak nicely. But do not allow him to abuse you. Say a strict no. Your actions should be assertive. Be a confident woman.

Cheers and Good Luck!! God bless your dear.