Relationships  Discussion Forum

hi
my life is messed up. my boyfriend is not engaged. he didnt know about it. his dad fixed.
i wanna go and tell his dad, but he doesnt want me to tell his dad blc he says his dad wont listen to us.
i have been loving him more then 5 yrs. now he is trying to hurt me so i will stop talking to him. but i know he is doing it on purpose..
i am not ready for marriage right now but his dad wants him to get married. i am not even done my degree, i just started.
i dont know wat to do!
how should i convence him?
i knw he loves me. he doest even want to talk to me.
we' re punjabi, he is my mom' s brother' s wife' s dad' s brother' s son. we r long distanced.
this is really hurting me. this has a lot of effect on me.
i thihk he is my soul mate, when we met, we met on a religious event, there has to be sum reason we met each other.
wat should i do?
there is not much time left.
we cant do anything if he doest agree. gg replied. all i can say is think agian ...do u really want to spend ur life with him...
even though we have not seen him or know him...somehow i dont like this guy....
u are saying he is getting mrrd...he says he is getting mrrd...as if everything is done ...he told u he cant do anything..his father wont listen...on the other hand his fahter told u even ring ceremony is not done...
i think more than is father he is excited about his mrrg...coz if he wud hv loved u ..he wud have been sad...thinking about ur mrrg...he wud hv bn asking u as to what to do now...not telling u we cant do anything...
spending ur life with some1 is not an easy thing...falling in love is very easy....
guys are more emotional then girls...any emotional probs affect them more..than girls ...but this fellow...is all set to marry...

another advice if ur love is so strong n ur absolutely sure ..ur love is unconditional ..then go ahead n marry him...but dont expect atyhing in return....from this guy... mandeep replied. hiya joti

i dont think u should talk to his mum, yes you can talk to your mum n see what she says first cos mum' s r best friends.
If I was you i would give that guy 15 days or maximum 1 months time to talk to his parents n decide if he is the one n really care for u he will make efforts so that u r his future wife otherwise u not sweety. the sooner this is solve the better for you like if nothing happen the way u want u can make a fresh start n get on with your life.I do agree with ritika' s post.

N about this first love thing, hey wots the point of suffering for the guys who was just passing time with u . forget him like a bad dream.show him u r better without him. if its not a happy ending. hopefully u will find a good husband in future so keep your love for him as now days finding true love is not that easy. Ritika replied. Hi Joti,

You can talk to everybody you want. But doesn' t it seem strange to you that while you have so much love for him that is giving you so much courage to talk to YOUR mom and HIS mom...this guy is not even willing to talk to YOU??!!

If tomorrow something happens and you need his support, do you really think he will stand up for you?? When he cannot even stand up for himself.

Joti, he might be a charmer and good at lovey - dovey talks and you might really be in love with him, but is he the right guy for you? Plus, you guys seem awfully young to be committing to each other for life...and it seems strange to me that his dad is settling his marriage without his consent (seems to me he said yes and is already talking to the other girl)..even stranger is that his son is is so young and instead of focusing on settling him or educating him, he is getting him married?


Joti replied. thx every1
i am going to talk to my mom and his mom. i am scared to talk to his dad.
i called his house and i talked to his dad, i told him, that i am his friend. and when i asked \" is he gettin married?' ' he said not yet. the ring cermoney will happen later, so i still have time.. he just picked a girl.
i think it will be okay. gg replied. ..i jsut happnd to read ur msgs to mandeep...
what is this?
he is engaged i dont think he is so young to get engaged jsut because his father is telling him to do so..

if u r mother knows y cant she help u then?

i am finding everything fishy...
is he settled financilly ...my baby ...its very very important to get mrrd to a well settled boy..evenif he is not rich its ok..but he should be capable of earning on his own...living on his own...i think this is a reason y he is marrying on his fathers choice ..coz he is totally depended on him financially...
are u sure he is a right guy for u?
n pls stop talking like this ...about god punishing him...pray to god whtever happens with u n ur realtion it should be good for both of u ..even i have a daughter...
i think u too are very young...
god bless u..but i think this guy is not meant for u....
think about him again....
if he wud hv loved u he wud hv never got engaged...he wud hv thought about u...
deary ...go on with ur life...try to 4get him...what is a use of getting mrrd to a selfish guy...rmbr one thing after mrrg u can take torture of ur in laws..but without husbands love ...life becomes miserable...its a matter of ur precious life...
concentrate on studies n make ur life.... gg replied. i think u are matured enough to take a diecision...since u say he is ur soul mate..i thin k u should get married to him...after mrrg u can continue with ur education...
nothing comes in way of ur love...u say he is ur soul mate right?....i can say this is a best solution for u...

another thing which i ddnt want to comment on...coz recently i had upset one lady on my frank opinion...
i am sorry i u feel bad ..
but what is this ? ur boyfriend cant talk to his fahter? he can have relation with u for 5 years but he cant talk to his fahter ? if he was so scraed of his father y is he going around with u ?
if i wud hv bn in ur place i wud hv gone n spoken to his mother ...or any1 that i am having a realtion with this fellow...n i want to get mrrd to him...he too wants but is scared of his father...
mine was a love mrrg chances of getting mrrd was 1%...coz we had to convince ever1...at times even i had to become shameless n speak about my mrrg to every1..
having a relation with a boy is not a small thing.....rahter than having realtion with 1 ...getting mrrd to another one...n then think about ur first love all ur life...
if ur so sure of getting mrrd to him...do what u feel is right..
otherwise dump him right now...
its all upto u ...just becoz ur a girl that doesnt mean ur life depends on a guys decision...
stop thinking about what he wants to do ...think what u want from life...and do ur best to get that ... Srey replied. What!

So you are saying that your boyfriend is too scared to talk to his Dad?

I don' t care if it is arranged marriage. You know that arranged marriage can break, right? If the male chooses to love another girl....He needs to speak up!

I am sorry to hear, Joti. But Honestly, someone have to speak!! keeping quiet is going to hurt you. The question here is are you ready to talk? if you' re scared then, prepare yourself as being his friend instead of his GF or future wife and etc..

I guess, maybe it not meant to be. *feeling sorry* Joti replied. fishy?
yes it is TRUE, that were too young to get married, even him, he is also too young..i think he should settle down before he gets married and he is NOT MARRIED YET! he is engaded!!!
and the age difference is NO BIGGY!!
Joti replied. hi mandeep
thx for replying. i am not going to say anything to him. if he loves me, he will do something. my love for him is true! and if he doesnt do anything, then it is clear that he was passing time blc i know him really well, his dad WONT care I AM 100%( i spent a lot of time with his mother and father blc i thought i would marry him and also his dad wanted me to marry someone in his family, one of his cousins, my mom said no blc she knw that i love him) he is long distance family but its okay if we get together! when i start to love him, i didnt even know his is from my mami family...


and if he was passing time, trying to hurt me, then GOD WILL PUNISH HIM!

thx mandeep, it really helped. thx for replying.. this is really strssful. i had his bday surprise party ready, even wat kinda wedding etc mandeep replied. sorry made a mistake he is your mammi' s cousion brother well i would suggest u to not to say anything to his father cos if he denise then you will be ashamed in everyone eye , may be he turn n say it was only from your side so watch, wot u do here as its in rishtadari as this kind of thing can cos sour relationship between your mum n brother n his wife. so let him do take the 1st step, u take back seat if he is your soul mate then let him speak. let him stand for your love once he says it openly then u can go ahead n stand shoulder to shoulder with him. mandeep replied. hiya joti if i can make out u wrote he is your mum' s taya' s or chacha' s son.he look like your distant mammaji sorry if i am wrong here.
how much age difference is there between both of u.
u said that his dad engaged him some where n he has no idea from where u come to know, if u r so close why don' t u tell him n knowing the situtation if you think he really love u then he will tell his parents about the affair with u. u think he is your soulmate but does he also think same if yes tell him to go ahead n tell his parents that he want to marry u.he says that his dad wont listen him in wot kind of world be is living,
nowdays kids dont even tell parents that they r getting married, atleast he is letting them know wot he want in his life. honeslty i think something is fishy here. from your post it look that u r doing your gradutation or may be just started n u r too young to get married. make your career be something in life first. ab replied. cant make anything sensible out of ur mail?? Joti replied. my life is messed up. my boyfriend is * engaged. he didnt know about it. his dad fixed. > made a mistake