Relationships  Discussion Forum

friends,
I' m not feeling well now. feeling feverish.
Hubby planned to go inlaws place for christmas holidays .since loog time he planned it. I cant disappoint him and my baby.Because he reduced his trips for my sake.
Now feeling very dizzy (prds) . But tomorrow journey is must. I can go my Parents home which is in same city and can take rest. But, had bitter experiences whenever he went alone..,SO , I dont leave my hubby alone to inlaws place...because I dont trsut them(mil&SIL ie nanand).Even my hubby has weakness to listen to her sweet words which change his own thoughts...because he love his mom alot.
So I must go.My mil doesnt strain me in my frequent visits... I' ll help her out while she cooks. SO,not thet I get tired with total work(whne they all visit , I' ll avoid her helping me and I do alone to give her rest while stay , because I care them when they visit us,So she too consider it and doesnt demand total work from me in those 2days of visit to their place)

I' m happy with him and to say,I' m ok with inlaws too... but my absence makes things different. Ofcourse, they r sweet to me in my presence(though some cold wars occur,i learned to ignore negatives and to see positives)...but now journey is unavoidable...Like most of us, I have problems during my stay... NOT words that abuse NOR demand whole work...But her obsesion on hubby makes me feel strange. her cunning nature , her backbiting even on nice persons, chance given, indirect talk starts...while acting nice to me....still, i started ignoring it...but soemhow I get tired easily there... ...so, in this situation, going there make me feel more dizzy .
Still I try to n' joy stay. My 3yr old likes them alot and my fil too love her presence.So even FIL is eagerly waiting for us (MIL and SIL ,deep inside their heart pray he alone shd come ..:), SIL expressed it last time unknowingly,And I could sense it.) I know they feel annoyed if I accompany him every of his visit. But I explained my hubby why I have to follow him. though he told me \" things r changed\" also he says \" past is past\" .Though he doesnt admit clearly, he knows why I have builtup these insecurities. Poor mil and SIL dont know that I am also sacrificing my HAPPY TIME with parents to acompany my hubby .
So, Iam following him like a watch dog. But , at the same time, I learned to ignore negatives and njoy stay with them. My girl really love that home(hubby is only son , he bought that spacious home .It looks peaceful with garden developed by my fil) .my hubby complains I have not bonded with the home like they both have deep attachment . but,I feel it as my mil' s home than mine(though,hubby is their only son ).i spent only this one year in india so now developing ' myhome' feeling as my hubby requested.
Frieds, u might feel I' m talking different things...I' m feeling unwell...also, my naughty girl went to my mousi' s home with my parents(today,holidays started for her) .SO feeling lonely and venting out my thoughts...

But except this problem, I started living happily only in recent times. I used to feel bad for my inlaws for what they did to me. Even somedays back,I showed my insecurities on this board... But later, hubby told, he is upset I' m moving distant to his family members and he felt I' m changing as typical DIL, and he is worried I' m loosing my own happiness for the PAST. Finally, I shouted at him and again in later sweet moments, promised him will not irritate him nor irritate myself...SO, living peaceful without thinking negatives. Anyways, I realised, I have to take my part in not giving them ample time to change his mind .So have to follow him in his visits. Seems, he noticed my pains in following him every trip ,so he reduced his trips too.
Atleast, he is nice husband and thinking from my side. I know howmuch he like that home and howmuch he like to spend his hometown.

Hmmm..., I dont know what impression u got while reading my feelings..but i' m happy that u r here to share this story!!

Ritika, In recent post of ' innocent girl' ,u analysed her hubby' s personality to be weakest personality . I felt the same . So I feel many of u r good problem definers.
I know anyone cant tell ' what I Am' thru this post...but, I' m now in subconscious mind and writing all these flowing thoughts....so, one question.. DO u think ,I' m strange to follow him? If I were u, have u followed him in any time putting all health issues aside ?(also consider my 3yr old n' joy the stay).just curious how ppl respond to same issue.
So I' m going for both of them though mil ,sil doesnt like my visit(thye r recently started playing tricks together to reduce my trips, that I cnat tell to my hubby...because he thinks , I might be assuming ...After all, A DIL can understand what her mil is ?! )
Anyways, I will go with him. Because I cant n' joy my stay with parents because all past incidents with mil frighten me what they inject him this time... .Ofcourse, as we r in same city I spend with my parents too although not longer visits...frequent short visits which cant give me ample rest.ok, friends.
thanks for reading. meet u soon .Wish me I' ll be energetic by tmrw.





Ritika replied. Hey Sonu,

I' m think you' re doing perfectly fine in going with your hubby. Your in-laws have already shown you in the past what they can do...so you are just being careful..and who can blame you for that...

As Namita said, try and be positive and have a nice time in India...

After a while, maybe you can go to your parents place along with your hubby for a few days...

Take care of your health...and get well soon...

Ritika Namita replied. Srey,

after giving gifts all negativity will definately vanish but only for that moment, the very next moment they vl b back in their real role:)

Sonu,

Dont worry u r not doing anything wrong. I had told u earlier, infact had put a special post for you,if u remember, not to think so much abt IL' s, by this u r spoiling ur relation with hubby and irritating him.

About following ur hubby but obvious even i would have done the same. bcoz rest of the year we want to live in peace so we sacrifice our health concerns and joy of staying with our parents.

Even when i have joint holiday i feel like going to my mothers place and staying their for 3 -4 days, but i dont go bcoz at the same time my hubby also have holiday and i m scare if this people will feed somethng in my DH' s mind. You wont belive for the 1st 1 year of marriage i didnt go to my parents place at all for overnight stay, .

But now i go, n i m in constant touch with my DH over phone, i indirectly check with him wht his parents spoke today. if i find out something fishy then i can reduce my stay or move that very moment.

so sonu, dnt worry we all do the same but have some confidence in ur hubby and once u develop this confidence no need to follow him. y shud we waist our happy moments for them.

very imp. thing b4 leaving hubby there u shud very nicely and lovingly tell him that wht u have suffered earlier the same thing u dont want to repeat in ur life, u want to live a happy married and family life. He will get ur message.

show interest in ur IL' s, as soon as u enter check about their health. let ur husband feel that u are showing concern about his parents, u r taking efforts for him. He vl b happy if u are happy. So njoy the stay, no nagging, no nervousness but at the same time ur hubby should know that u are showing all positive signs so that he should enjoy his trip (i do that and it works, DH becomes more closer to us)

Wish u a good health and euphoric mood :) Srey replied. I would go as well.

Just because it is the Holidays. And, since it is Christmas. Once you hand them their gifts, I am sure what ever negative feelings they are having at that moment, it will likely just Vanish.

hi replied. hey

i also would have done the same thing. even though sometimes i feel like ' let go' . but we have to make sure our little family is safe and secure and besides this it is our only world and don' t have the heart to take all that old pain back. so..