hi friends,

its me again on this board.well im trying since jan but with no success till now.its been 2 months now. i called up my doc he said wait for some time and dont get stressed. he will do some tests if required after some time.

hey guys does a termination really cause infertility.i have completed 2 yrs of marriage.im tense now,even depressed.im i ok??i desperately want a child...or else i will go mad.i weep sometimes when alone.nothing inerests me.my hubby is palnning to go for a vacation with me,but their also i will think all this, im scared he might get bugged with me if i do this.i dont know what to do.sometimes i think did i do right thing by terminating a abnormal child or should i have continued.i did what doc suggested as well as family.whats my fault??no one says anything to me but i feel i should have child....or i will get angry,jealous, irritated.what should i do.and the worst part is when u have all comforts in life,still there is something u miss so badly that everything seems futile...im not able to value what i have because im so tense and unhappy.please help me guys. abcd replied. thanks for ur advise.hey... i never feel bad what u say Radha,this board has been good support to me.
u r right in saying one thing...if i would have got tht child i might have been more miserable than what i am now.
as the question Y?i know no one has an answer for it.
im trying to change my outlook and perspective towards things and being greatful to god for what i have rather than always thinking what i have lost.
I HAVE LEFT IN HANDS OF GOD.I can just try rest god knows...

thanks anyways for helping me emotionally abcd replied. thanks radha for ur reply as well as advise.
see yaar im coming out of the grief slowly slowly.Family and my hubby is supportive.nobody in my house or even family discuss this with me anymore.they all pray tht i have a healthy baby next time
u know what upset me..that y did i concieve a baby with trisomy 18 disorder.i just feel why god gave me a child when it was not meant to be born.its better to have child late than loosing one.thats what bothering me now.i asked everything with my doc about trisomy 18,he is sympathetic but says their are certain things which are not even in hands of doc...specially chromosomal things.They happen accidently.Y THIS ACCIDENT HAPPEN TO ME AND HUBBY THIS UPSETS ME.doc says in next pregnency the child will be healthy thats was his PROMISE to me before termination.i trust doctor but not my fate.
i just want one thing\" a healthy and normal child\" .i dont want to be a looser again.
anyways thanks for your concern.keep in touch.dont worry im fine...only sometimes i become very emotional in this matter.thats y i want to concieve soon so tht im mentally stable then,i hope u understand. K.Radha replied. Hey hey hey!!! Lets just take a deep calming breath and address this post point by point... Ready?

Little over 2 months of trying without success is nothing to worry about. It can take quite a bit of time to conceive, even in the best of circumstances. Your doctor is offering sage advice, relax and allow nature to take its course. Do not overly worry yourself because that can' t be helpful.

I don' t doubt you' re depressed. Something very precious is no longer a part of your life in a way you imagined and that is going to take some time to come to terms with. If you find you are thinking about this loss every waking moment or if it is the most dominant of your feelings it is now time for you to seek help. Grief is not something that can be cured, do not expect it to disappear one day but it should not rule your life...

Think about where you are emotionally, do you think professional help would be useful? If you' re finding life holds no meaning and things are no longer of any interest to you I wouldn' t mind going out on a limb and saying you have depression and depression is an illness that needs to be treated. I don' t know how many people here have suffered but women I know personally who' ve lost kids have more often than not suffered with major depression, myself included. Counselling is incredibly helpful, medication may be prescribed if it is needed which you should take if the doc suggests it... Better to see someone for an evaluation than to let this spiral further if it is indeed depression. Be open and honest with your doc.

Next: YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!!! Nothing what so ever, I can not stress this enough! You could have had the best advice and suffered a loss or the worst and suffered the same. All you can do is know you did EVERYTHING you could to raise your child! Remind youself every day of the changes you made to help your child grow... Stop doubting, questioning and second guessing. Child loss for the most part is out of the hands of the mother. Sadly some babies just don' t make it...

Abcd I really do sympathise with you. I' ve spent many months since my loss feeling like everyday without Ishani and every day without conceiving after her is like dying a little more each day. It' s like I am holding my breath and just waiting for either another child or for a miracle so that I can exhale. But that doesn' t stop me seeing that life still has so much for me to experience. You' ll probably never stop missing your baby but in time you' ll learn to live your life and that childs mother on different terms than you first planned... We heal around this wound, we honestly do!

You need to seriously take a little time out. Go on that vacation your hubby is suggesting, make an effort to enjoy each day, everyday no matter where you are. I myself believe that nature occasionally prevents us having what we think we want or need, in this case a child... I think this is so that we' ve time to work through the many emotions and thoughts associated with the loss and when we' re ready emotionally, our body will be ready then also. But again that is only my opinion. I sincerely wish you a life once again full of happiness and for you to be pregnant soon... Just have faith and I' m sure you' ll be posting good news soon enough.