Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi,

I know people share all their emotional feelings here.I wanted support and someone to share ,so I am posting this message.My husband doesn' t love me at all.I have lots and lots of problems from him.He always hurts me with very very harsh words mentally and also physically sometimes.I am not able to take it anymore.Whatever the reason may be I am not happy at all with him.What should I do now ? Adjust for the entire life.or get seperated.If seperated what would be the effect on my 1 yr old son ? I dont have to worry for financial issues.Coz he is dependent on me I am working in US , have good salary etc.He doesn' t work.Still tries to dominates.

And I have no plans of remarriage.These questions are killing me
What would be the impact of son if I get seperated ?
Can I live alone for entire life ?
My son also needs father ?
If we fight infront of my son ,that also will have negative impact on my son ?
What is the impact of society on me if I take divorce ?

Sometime I tell to myself ,though I am not happy let me live with him for the sake of my son?

I am really struggling.

Let me know your views ,what should I do ? man replied. Hi Satvika
You have said he doesn' t work. One thing that is more important is that does he want to work or not. Is he looking for job or atleast trying to get some work? Now there are two scenarios:
Scenaroi 1: He doesn' t want to waok and want to be dependednt on you: Then read all other people answers and take your decision.
Scenario 2: He wants to work and looking for job. In that case, I' d say he is being voilent or abusing you or being away from you. All this could be because of the reason that he might be feeling insecure or complex becoz you are settled in a job and he is not. I have seen many such guys who are jealous of their wives good earning or career growth. In that case you should help him to get a good job, prepare his CV, go to a consultant to get his CV updated. May be once he has a job, he would feel little better and would behave normally. You guys have a year old child that means you people were so much intimate and in love that you got a child (uless that child is result of rape by husband) its just a time to put some shining or polish to your love and relationship. I won' t suggest you to leave this relatioship and try this also. May be it helps. So decide taking this also consideration.

Do let me know, whatever your scenario is.. king uncle replied. Dear Satvika,
All your questions have answers with you only.
The impact on son with single mother will be much more positive than a scared mother with dily tifs at home.
You can live alone entore life if you feel that isa right move and if you have strength to do so.However, future may bring you in contact with more loving and caring males.Beleive me ,they do exist.
Yes, your son also need his father but he also needs the right atmostphere to grow into a mature and complete adult.between a abusive father and a better atmostphere later is more important.
Why is society importnat.Does the society suffer the abuse instead of you?Is the society bothered about your pains.They will say whatever they want to say but if you are strong society will respect your decission.

I am answering your points because it will help you to think clearly.Breaking a relationship is very very difficult and I am last person to suggest to break any relationship.My suggestion is move out temporarly.be strong ,he might try to abus you but do not allow him.Do not allow him to enter your house or meet your son .I think he will realise his mistake.Only tell him that he can come to you when he does a job for more than one month.
Jamie Reynolds replied. You need to have some dignity and not have him treat you like that. I cant imagine being married to someone who didnt love me as much or more than I love him. The fact that he beats you on top of it is just inhumane. youre not an animal, youre his wife. he needs to show you respect, and if he doesnt (which he currently isnt) then you need to seek some help.

you guys fighting in front of your son is worse than if you two were divorced. also, if your son sees how your husband treats you and if you tell your son not to grow up that way but you dont yourself take any action, then hell most likely turn into his father and treat his future wife the same way because he thinks of it as natural. kumar replied. Hi Satvika,

Having read the responses so far where some issues were addressed I have the following to say :

Whats your age? How long are you married? Do you have any other close relative living with you or close to your place?

True that D is frequent and easy in US but his \" no job\" status may be causing the problems. Can he go and search for jobs, was he in a job earlier? Counseling is a very good suggestion. Particularly in the country you live, it will be easy and I finally have this suggestion :

Move out with your son and live in a seperate place temporarily. If he creates problem with this attempt of yours, call 911. He needs to be told in no uncertain terms about ZERO TOLERANCE to Physical Abuse.

I have a feeling that he needs a real threat that he may actually loose you and the baby in case he continues to behave the way he is doing now.

Think well and if required get some friend to talk to him to communicate what you want to, in case its impossible for you to tell him.

Are you sexually abused too? Or that is still going ok? Your family as of now is almost a dysfunctioanl family, if your child grows up in this condition, he is likely not to have too normal a life himself. So BE AWARE and act. Do keep posting. Remember in US you are in a far advantageous condition to take care of your problems, dont waste it. Namita replied. Y is he dependent on you? if he feels that u are there to earn money then why shud he make any efforts and on top of that he is dominating u, not loving u then there is no reasons to stay with him..... i normally dont advice anyone for divorse so easily but in ur case .... when the things are hopeless, it is better to move out ... atleast u vl stay peaceful with ur son, instead of constant fights ... fight kills man mentally .... if u r able to do alone(i think u can) then move out .... there is no point in waisting ur life in abusing relation with abusing husband Ritika replied. Hi Satvika,

How long have you been married? And was your husband always this way?

The reason I' m asking is you mentioned that your hubby is totally dependent on you and is not working. Sometimes this makes a man snap since he can' t accept this role reversal thing sportingly.

Can you go for marital counseling? If disagrees, then I would suggest that you go alone for a few sessions.

When you have physical ailments, don' t you go to a doctor? Similarly for emotional problems, it always helps to have a professional guide you.

take care and keep us posted... Srey replied. I am sure you already know that....But, Divorce is very common in the US.

Since you are financially set, this shouldn' t be a problem. Though, just remember that being a single parent do have it' s disadvangtages. You know like, child care expenses and etc....

As for your son, I am not sure. But, if anything...I think He deserve to live in a happy environment right. I just hate it when parents fight in front of the kids. One wonder they grow up, doing the same to their future wife. So, it is always better to avoid these kind of things around him.

You don' t have to worry about being alone. Why should you? there are plenty of nice, and well educated men here. Just be patience and the right one will come.

Anyway, I support divorce whenever there is a physical abuse in the relationship. And, by staying in there, who knows what will happen. I don' t know if he also have anger problem, but....With all the stories and such, It' s not safe to be in the same house with anyone like that.