Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi Friends,

I got married and it was a arranged marriage where my parents spoke to my FIL and MIL about our family future. Also during our engagement my father spoke to my FIL regarding my further life and he informed that me and my husband are staying together and they will be just visiting from the hometown here and often. Also my MIL was very good and informed that will take care of me like a daughter. My parents agreed and even though the guy was not well settled thinking that we both will stay alone and both are earning so can lead good like they got me married.
But things turned in other way after my marriage. My inlaws indirectly started specifying my parents to get a house but they never spoke infront of my husband. Also my MIL entirely different and infact she never used to help me in any house hold work. Since i am working i need to cook as per her wish(she specify's what she wants). Also to say she is not all clean and tidy. So when i tell her to be clean and keep clean she gets very angry and she make a big fight with me and she keep telling my husband to take care of me that not to speak much. Even though doing all those things she says.. only her son is taking care of her but not me. MIL says that my parents should not come to my house and once after getting me married then it is finished. They should not interfier in my life. Also with my MIL, my CSIS also stay in my house and order me like if of her house. Before marriage they informed that she is going to stay for only short time untill her husband is back as he is working in J&K(Military). But she interfier in our life. When ever I wanted to go out with my hubby and inlaws .. she interfiers and also she specifies that i have not invited her .. in a teasing words.. even though that she never does.

So got bugged with all those things as i had missed my happy precious time after my marriage and spent most of the day in crying, i boldly specified that i want to stay apart for which my hubby was against me. Even though he understands, he don't want to speak any thing abt his mother. But for now me and my hubby are going for a new house, specified my CSIS to not to disturb us and stay apart with her husband.

Pls advice me is that a wrong thing that i mentioned to stay apart by mentioning that we shall be in good terms and not to brake up with bad terms?

For two years of my marriage.. most of the time it was very horrible with all the troubles from my in-lws and cosis..

pls help me .. rupa replied. you have the same age old problem ...IN-LAWS... i am in the same boat...but looks like you have finally got a way out...after 4 years of having my in-laws stay with us.. i truly believe...too much proximity harbours problems...be close but not stay close !! shweni replied. I read your message and I think your husband is not very supportive. He is aware of the situation but not doing anything as he wants to be good to his mother. As long as you stay with your in-laws you will continue to be unhappy and treated like an animal. I tell you even animals are treated better these days. Just try speaking with your husband about this whole situation in a nice way and tell him you want to live separately. I can understand that you have no peace of mind. M-I-L's can never be good to their daughter in laws's. Do not expect anything from her. It is common in Indian culture for a girl to adapt to her hubby and his family's way of life. The girl has no freedom after marriage. We go through all of it. As long as you stay in your m-i-l's house you have no say in anything. Look they have even made it clear that your parents are not welcome to their house. You cannot leave your parents just because of marriage. They need you too just as your hubby expects you to be caring of his Mom. You are expected to be good to your hubby's family. This is our stupid Indian culture where even educated boys close their eyes to this kind of harassment. Why? Coz their are males and they will never understand that a female has to leave her family and adapt to a new life. Please be strong and firm and express your concerns to your hubby. Do not be afraid. You are a working woman. Stand up for your rights. Please let me know what happens. Good luck and may God help you. Nishabsk replied. Further, i was a pregnant and doctor adviced to be in hospital for some days for which my hubby asked my parents to come to my place and take care of me. My mom she was here in my house and was taking care of every thing like cooking for my inlaws and looking after me. Even though my MIL didn't even came to hospital to see me and when my mom informed that i have to stay for some more days, My MIL said who will take care of me. Finally I got a abortion, and still my mother was taking care for around 1 month in my house as i was weak. LAter my MIL started fighting with my mom saying that who asked you to come to my house. If you are not there i would have taken care hmm... Think about a person who didn't even ask when i was in hospital then will she takecare of me????.... but finally when she is ill i need to take care properly with all the medicines and some times massage to her..if not my hubby will be very much angry... on me..

When i will specify him about his mother's thing then he will cover putting all the things on him. Also she will be very polite when he is not there if not she will .. abba.. difficult to put words..

But all ladies, pls confirm me.. is that once after marriage.. gals parents are not important as guys parents.. if so do u think marriage is required ..? as parents will look after you for all those years and when the time is for you to look after them then you will take care of others..i feel this is so stupid.. what do you say???