Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi,

I am a working women of 28 yrs, married for nearly 4 yrs and staying with my hubby. My hubby is 33 yrs old. We faced a lot of problems since our marriage day bcoz of his greedy mother. I feel tht my hubby is a nice and caring person but he is too much influenced by his mother as his mother has taken care of him and his brother since childhood as his father was posted in army and was away.

Last month we discussed all the matters and decided tht we ll start our lives afresh. From tht day onwards we r not having any fights between us. I and his mother are talking nicely to each other (jst for the sake of my hubby). I know tht his mother does not like me and I am OK with tht. I am jst trying to maintain a formal relationship with my MIL.

Now the prob is tht I feel tht to make our relationship strong we shud have a baby now. Also I am 28 now and it wont be gud for the baby if we take more time to plan for the kid, but my hubby wants to switch job now which may take 5-6 months more. He is asking me to wait for another
5-6 months till he switches his job but I am thinking the more I wait the worse my relationship will become. My hubby' s younger brother is having one kid and my cosister is again pregnant with second kid. My hubby loves his younger brother' s daughter too much which makes me more insecure as my cosister is not a gud lady( She stays with my in-laws in my hubby' s native place ). She always tries to impress my hubby by showing tht how much she is taking care of my in-laws and my MIL also supports her too much.

I discuss everything with my sister. She is telling me not to force my hubby for the kid bcoz if I force more he ll not listen to me.If I dont force him for kid then may be with time he ll understand wht Im saying. Is this correct?

I am not sure wht to do..Shall I wait for 5-6 months but day by day Im becoming frustrated. I
want settlement in our lives and feel tht if we have a kid then our relationship will become strong and my hubby ll pay less attention to wht his mother says.

Please guide me wht to do.. gg replied. i absolutely agree with u gillian. ur thinking jjust like my husband n me.
there is nothing worng in wiating for ur 5 to 6 months as ur husband says. anyways u have no choice as ritika says forcing wont help u in changing ur husband' s decision
but i agree with you. i too had gone thru lots n lots of problems after marriage my parents were too agianst our marriage. same goes with my mil. both had made our life miserable. my mother too was waiting that soemthing goes worng with me n that she will have soemthing to tell me. i was fed up of all this. it was our decision to go for baby soon. trust me it effects a lot. first of all my mother calmed down after hearing my preg news. then my husband' s attitude also changed he started caring for me. believe me if i wud hv not got preg my husband who is very nice n understanding wud have started beating me coz of my mil. she is such a person who is capable of brain washing any1.
but my mil changed after my baby was born. her attention too was diver ted to her.
all u can do is try show ur husband that ur really missing a baby in ur life. tyr to show him that u are upset dont sulk or fight with him or talk to him about it..but make him realise .
baby really makes a difference in life.

Ritika replied. Hi Gillian,

I am with your sis in this. 5-6 months is not such a long time and 28 yrs is not like you' re at the end of your biological clock. So wait and don' t pressure your hubby on this. Instead support him in his endeavor (of finding a new job) and believe me, he' ll appreciate you even more after this.

You' ve just started living peacefully with your husband...why do you want to bring tension back into your life? Is it because you have gotten used to it?

And hey, stop thinking about other people having babies. This is not a contest where the first one wins a grand prize. Enjoy your life together with your hubby now...because with a baby, your life will totally change.

About the feeling of settlement, it is more to do with our mindset than anything else. To tell you the truth, after the baby there will always be something else that you feel will give you that feeling of being settled. Then it will be the next job, next promotion, next house, next baby..etc. Life goes on like this.

So enjoy your present. You seem to have so much going for you. Try to keep yourself occupied...

Take care...