Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi,
I got married this Jan-2007. My wife is not ready to accept me. We never had any physical relationship, indeed she doesn' t allow me to touch her. She tells, she is not having any feelings for me and not ready to create physical relationship. She told me her parents insisted her to do marry. But she is happy with my parents. We did not talk each other, in a day we see each other only 3-4 times and talk around 5-7 minutes. Earlier i thought after some time she can manage, but it is long time over, around 10 months. Now a days she is hardly trying to mix-up with me, when we have dinner that time only talk with me as well as watch tv also, it means she has fixed time for me 20 mins. It is very irritating for me. I am losing my confidence and no more interested for her.

Please suggest me a solution.

Thanks in advance

Manish Sing Shuchi replied. I am really sorry to read the phase you are going through. I understand that it might be hard on you and you have been patient all this while, but still I would suggest you to be a little more patient. Keep you husband feelings at a side and try to see things from her perspective. You have stated that she was forced into marriage, then you have to be her friend at first. Comfort her by saying that are his friend and try to talk to her about how she feels in day to day life. Try to find out if she is depressed or something.

If she is, then you would have to get that treated at first. The feelings would come only once the other person is happy and seems she is not happy. Try to tell her how that is affecting both of your relationship and how much effort you are willing to put to make this relationship work. You have given her 10 months, ask her if she need more time. If yes, how much and politely ask what and how she is planning make things better for u?

Marriage is not simple, relationships dont come easy especially arranged ones. So, try to comfort her and try not to make her guilty. I am sure she might have noticed a good side of you and how you are being patient. If she is willing, she will definitely put efforts from her side. All she would need is your support and understanding.

Good luck and keep us all posted! Good Friend replied. Manish,

Its really a long time. You said that she was forced to marry you. I think that might be the reason. Have you tried to find out why her parents insisted her to marry you? What are her hesitations to mix up with you? I think there is something, which is even bothering her to discuss with you. Do you at least sleep together in one room or sleep seperate? am not asking about sex, but if you are not sleeping in one room, then i think even your parents would have noticed it. If you sleep in one room, then i think, you should inform her that you need to talk to her about something else, and not your relationship... if possible, take her out this weekend and try talking to her about something else, and then open up your heart...

ask her if she has some hesitations... why she is not having any feelings for you? Does she has someone else? Did she love someone else before marriage? What are her future plans? how is your home atmosphere? does she wants to do somethign which you or your parents are not allowing her to do - career wise or anything?

We all here can understand your situation and can assist you, but its you who will have to DO it.

all the best neha replied. it is a bad situation. r staying with yr parents?if that is the case hen after dinner try to talk to her and take her to your bedroom.she may not b ready for physical relationship easily but you couls esablish a friendship fist.u sadi she likes your parents na?then try sitting with them wen she isthere. listen to wat she talks to them.u wil know the topics she prefers.thne u too can start with su chtopics.like u said,she likes watching tv..so u could srtart by talking about tv serials or movies etc. then on a week end tell her u want to buy a saree or anything that she wears...try to buy movie tickts in advance ...but make sure if she refuses the tickets wont go waste....or alternately,if your parents a re not at home some day..try to open the topicc that time....but ,try not to involve your parents....
Kumar replied. Dear Manish,

I am sorry that you have found yourself with this predicament.

Yes 10 months are a very long period for her to accept you as her legally wedded husband and consummate your marriage.

Don' t the elders in your household or hers have any idea about what is going on between you two at all?

Well you have few choices :

1. Involve elders to talk to her but with a very specific time frame.

2. Find out if she would like to have a divorce after paying you for the damages.

Under the first, there is a possibility of she being a reluctant partner in sex after a \" successful\" intervention by elders but the relationship never being normal because there does not seem to be any love, trust etc in your marriage.

What do you think are her possible reasons for the situation?

She loves someone else?

She is enjoying the material benefits her marriage to you has brought to her?

You are too soft and not able to perform in sex? You do not love her?

WHAT? Please post again.