Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi All,

I am new here and did not knwo where exactly to post my problem. Sorry, I know I have posted it in a wrong board, but really need your help.

My son is now 2.5 years old. He goes to a playgroup and has adjusted very well in the school. He is very social and very accomodative. Recently my in-laws shifted to another house, so that we lead our own lives. I was against this as I wanted a joint family for myself and my son. I grew up in a family with 5-6 members, so I know the support we get in a joint family. But my in-laws did not listen, and have shifted to anouther house. Anyways, these days, as my son is growing up, he needs people around. He goes in the neighbourhood, plays there for hours, but just comes and see me every 15 minutes, if am tehre. My neighbour has a joint family! Even when I cook excellent food, at times, he eats his lunch in the neighbourhood, which is increasing these days. After school he wants to go to one of my frinds house, and even she has a son of same age. He just refuses to come home. Ofcourse, none of them refuses to take us in, as we have VERy GOOD relations, i call them as our extended family members.

Bt, Everyday, its not possible, to take him to the neighbours and just not come home right...

i understand his feelings, he needs people around, and the whole day, only me and my son at home... this may be the reason behind this behavior, but this is not right! At times, i make some tricks and get him at home, but again after his afternoon nap, he asks if he can go in the nbr.

Please help me how to deal with this.

Thank you. Shravani replied. I think it is perfectly alright for your child to want to go to neighbours place everyday, especially when they r so nice and friendly.
Nowadays we all are so much used to neutral families and keeping our doors closed that we cannot even think that such a good relation with neighbours is possible. I think your child is very good socially and will grow up very well with this interaction with friends and neighbours. I can suggest a few things:
1)Do invite the neighbours kids to your home for playing , take turns as to where they should play.
2)Everytime he goes to neighbours house, send a small snack and water bottle with him , so that he does not get hungry.
3)Take him out to park at least twice a week.
4) Offer help to neighbours like baby sitting their kids sometimes when they want to go out somewhere.
5) Always thank your neighbours for all their kindness.
6) Always ask your neighbours if your child can come and play , or they have some other plans for the day.It would be wrong to take them for granted.
7) Talk to your child that it is alright to play at their place but it is not alright to eat dinner/lunch at their place.And make it a rule and be firm .
Sanjee replied. What you are saying about your child is very unusual behaviour..I understand that children need to be social after they turn 2 but to this extent that he does not want to eat meals at home is odd.

Are you a stay at home mum or working mum? If you are a stay at home mom you can do various activities with your child to stimulate him e.g. puzzles, read books, painting in various different ways e.g finger painting, potato prints (there are endless ways to paint. You can buy a book from any book shop which will give you ideas on what to do. This will not only prepare him for preschool but also keep him occupied with meaningful activites as well as strenghthen your bond with your child.

Your child is still young and you can train him by saying NO you can' t go to the neighbours house. That' s all...you don' t even need to give him an explanation. He may throw a tantrum for a day or two but after a few days he will realise this is not going to work and I have to stay at home. For a few weeks don' t send him to the neighbours house at all. The key part is to stick to the rules not give in.

If you are a working mum you can look for a good day care in the area where you child can go and spend the morning there. He will get to meet other children (therefore be social) and come home tired so he will not want to go to the neighbours home anymore.

This is your child you have to set limits and routines in his life! Karan replied. Hi Avanti,

What you stated about your child' s behavior is surely not too normal and hence cant be allowed to continue that way.

I was wondering 1. if you are working? If not, 2. How do you spend your time at home? 3. Do you have a maid and a cook? 4. How much time is your husband available at home? 5. Does he participate in home chores? 6. Does he spend some time with the child?

Do answer the questions above. But in the mean time I must tell you, its the responsibility of the parents to entertain the child, if you fail, he/she is expected to turn other way because as a child its his right as well as requirement. Its also your responsibility to give food to the child according to his taste buds and what is safe and healthy to him. If you fail, he would turn, because...

But I do not rule out the fact that the neighbors may also be indulging the child wrongly, in that case, its all the more your duty to do EVERYTHING required to get your child back to yourself.

From your facts of the case, I get a feeling, you have been enjoying yourself while the \" burden\" of the child was being borne by others and YOU wanted it that way, and your In-Laws understood the situation and left you to own responsibility of your child and you have been failing ever since!

Pardon me, if I have gone wrong and been unduly harsh, but do answer those questions and think for yourself and most importantly, do come back and post again.