Relationships  Discussion Forum

My husband' s cousins constantly in my absence keep telling him how should have served his parents more and more when they were alive. (The point here is my and myself did our best for our in-laws). In short we went out of our way to keep them cozy. Now after their death, these cousins (who in their own life are bad mother in laws/sister in laws) keep nagging my husband whenever we visit them. This cousin’s own sister-in-laws /daughter in laws maintain a long distance from them to safeguard themselves. My husband is too innocent to the ways of the world and keep listening to these blah-blah of his cousins (though he ignores their advises). Though my husband ignores thier advise but listens to them for hours and hours, I am affected a lot. I feel sad that these people are taking our tolerance for granted. The irony of the situation is these cousins end up praising my co-sister (who was a cunning daughter in law to my in-laws). My co sister' s husband (i.e. my husband' s brother seldom speaks to these cousins except a hi or a bye) does not get these type of sermons. These advices by my husband' s cousins are given by them generously in their own husband' s absence. I feel the reply to my problem is: a) My husband & I should maintain a healthy distance from these cousins for the sanity of our minds b) Should limit our visits to their houses. Please advice. dd replied. I can understand how you feel. Its really very irritating when they go on and on about treating in laws well.Many a times it is removing their own frustration on us.
I live in US. Married for almost 5 yrs.Initially when i came here i was good to my in laws and my Sil.But when my husband lost his job here ,my in laws and sil adviced me to come back and my husband to stay back here and abused me a lot without any reason.My Sil stays in India. Then when my in laws wanted to come here,i gently refused and my husband felt i was right. then my SIL began her story on how i should treat my in laws . Like they are good people ,i am immature. She herself doesnt care for her mil. She goes on holidays and any such event without her mil. She lives with her mil. But in front of me its like mummy did you eat lunch. Do you want some coffee. So i told my husband ,when i was good she abused me along with your family. Now she has no respect in my eyes. You should be firm and tell them off. For some time if they talk like this its ok to neglect. When its too much,tell them you do not like that. Its better to be rude before than worry and be angry.
Also let me tell you about one of my husband' s collegue' s wife here. She herself doesnt care much for her in laws. Her husband supports her. but when my husband was laid off from his job. She went on and on about how i shud go back to india and stay with my in laws. When she mentioned she clearly told her husband is at all she goes back to india she will not stay with her in laws. Its one rule for everybody and one rule for themselves. So you should just tell them off. If your husband supports you just tell them you dont like this. If he is neutral then limit your visits. they will get the message if you decline their invitation 2-3 times.best of luck.