Relationships  Discussion Forum

Well I met my in-laws for a week...we were all attending a wedding...everything was fine then my MIL mentioned she wanted to come and stay for 6 months with us!
I told my husband I did not want that as I had experienced some very difficult times with her when she stayed with us for that long when my daughter was born.
He finally gave in after telling me he could not tell her not to come for a long time.
So he mentions it to my in-laws...they were not happy, especially as my mum is coming for my delivery in Oct.

I could sense they were hurt...they slept on it and the next day my MIL was making sarcastic comments...but when I appologised she said she will come but not for 6 months.
I told her it was my western upbringing that is causing all these problems and they seemed to understand.

Do you ladies who are born and bought up in India have the same views?
Are you ok with your in-laws staying with you for a long time? eg. if you live in USA and they come from India?
I was born and bought up in a western country and then when I got married and moved it was to another western country. My parents have bought me up to 'think Indian' but I still have a
problem in thinking that way.

This is causing a lot of confusion.

I guess I just have to do the best I can when they come here and make them feel welcome.
I'm glad I was honest with them and they have also mentioned that.

Any other suggestions?
I will have a 4 yr old and a 4 month old at the time. Zena replied. My suggestion would be to do what works for you. If your husband is on your side (which seems to be your case) then expressing your concerns to him is the right thing to do. Making him aware of how you feel is good because having problems later on can be very discouraging for the entire family.
You are lucky your husband listened to you, mostly Indian husbands listen only to their parents and do not give thier wives a second thought.
All the best. saheli replied. I am surprised that your husband respects your views so much that he even told his mom not to come for 6 months.
My in-laws came to live with us in 1998 and they never went back after that. In the meantime they have destroyed my married life. My relationship with my husband, my spirit, my principles everything that I believed in. Wish I had a western upbringing and then would have gladly told them not to come here for this long.
If u are strong enough to resist this knowing u don't get along with her then u have a right to refuse. But if this is once a while thing then maybe u can just bear her for 6 mos.
I have a risk of divorce if I tell my husband that his parents won't live with us. So can't do that. If u don't have any such risk and u can't take it then might as well say no. But if ur husband is nice and understanding then to make him happy maybe you can let her stay.