Relationships  Discussion Forum

hi

well im very upset nowdays. the thing is my hubby is very loving and caring...im married for 2 and half years and planning soon for a baby.

the issue is he is very irritating at times.i mean both of us are working.we only get time on weekends for each other.he has a problem that he dosent admits when he is at fault.
he keeps the room in the mess...shoes lying,towel here and thre,etc...and when i tell him tht i dont like messy room he starts shouting tht i keep on dictating him terms.even the bathroom floor remains wet though sweeper is there to clean.
the thing is he is careles.my MIL has pampered him a lot or i should say never taught him how to stay.i mean only DIL are expected to keep house clean,cook food...take all household responsibilities.i guess these things should be taught to son also.i dont expect my hubby to do dusting or cleaning of room but atleast he should not keep his things here and there and when he dosent find things he starts shouting that\" nothing can be found in this house\" i dont take care.

see im also working i cannot look after smallest of things of his.i told him once tht if we have baby then what will happen.baby needs all attention i cant look after my hubby all the time.he gets irritated when i tell him to keep his bill files properly,clean his cupboard,keep shoes and wet towels in right place.i mean he is basiclly CAREFREE because he has taken me for granted that i will do.

my hubby is professionally very good and a good manager(touchwood).i dont know what happens to him at home.he dosent like that i keep on telling him to do this and that.he is not a kid and he knows i also work and get tired coming back late.

we stay with inlaws.My MIL is nice,she takes care of the house...but dosent involve much in our affairs.we have servent also so i really dont have much work when i come from office ,but these small things irritates me because i think my husband is grown up and smart then y he behaves like child keeping things here and there and then telling me u dont know where things r kept.starnge.once i had a fight so v didnt speak to each other.then after some time we spoke and he agreed that he will not mess up room and not shout at me, but after 10 days again things happened the same way...he forgets after few days.see guys this is not funny.i know girls here have many more problems and my problem might not be tht big, but still advise me how should i make my hubby understand tht he should not be casual but become a little more active in household matters.

he is only active at work and office,neglects home responsibilty.WE BOTH LOVE EACH OTHER VERY MUCH.no doubts he cares for my happiness and even i do...but there are certain things in which both get irritated and then have fights and arguments.how to remove fights from our lives and live happily. Mitu replied. Hey dear

I know these sought of fights are most common in many homes - have you seen chalte-chalte movie it has been shown very nicely in that also - Basic thing is it is very difficult to change someones stubborn nature - it is habbit since childhood n u can expect no miracles in few years -
I would suggest keep doing what u r doing n when u see he is again forgeting his word u will have to remind him again there is no choice - also other solution could be if u could divide alternate days of work - one day u do clean the room other day he will clean it no matter who has made how much mess.... and also one day in cool mood just play role reversal with him - i mean u two enact vice-a-versa i hope u understand just like that for fun game in cool mood may be he will realize ur part after acting ur way - sometimes just do as he does mess the room with ur stuff keep ur wet towel on his side of bed at night n ur things at the place where he would not like it probably ... n if he says something tell him that u were unable to make him cleanliness freak so u decided to be his way n in his company even u have joined his habit so that he does not feel alone in doing so .... these are afew tricks u can try everytime u feel he has forgetting to keep things at right places n making room mess ... dont try same trick or dont nag at him or dont try n explain everytime in simple words ... u have to be tricky n naughty to handle such person .... dont ever raise ur temper while doing all this tricks n always remember to keep a naughty smile on ur face so that he does not feel u are again nagging or dictating him ... u should get msg that u r trying to be naughty just like that .... i hope these tricks work for u .... because u need to handle dominating man in such a way his ego is not hurt n also ur goal is accomplished ....
hope u liked my idea .. do let me know how it worked...

All the best!
Mitu love replied. tanya,

i know everyone will feel that my problem is not big because thre are people who have big issues here.but my hubby is very dominating and gets angry fast even if i dont nag.i get scared of his anger so i keep quite sometimes but when i get angry then it creates problems.how much patience can i keep..he loves me no doubt,but he is very dominating yaar and always wants his way,so i get irritated...i also want sometimes want my way...anyways im trying to talk to him politely and explain him i dont like messing up,but i know he understands for some days and again starts messing up ... tanya replied. sweetheart, ur problem is not even worth givin a thot. U r lucky that u have a good MIL . Ur hubby is caring too. U have a servant who does most of the chores leaving very less for you to do. There are very few guys who wud think of keeping their comfort zone neat n clean.In fact guys are not at all confortable if they are been dictated by their wives.

I don' t say that house or ur room shud remain in mess n u shud not bother abt the same. obviously, we ladies always like to beautiful neatly kept rooms but, as a lady you shud also understand the tendencies of boys. Your husband is a manager.. he must be having busy days in office.He might luk for some peace during weekends but because of ur nagging he must be getting irritaed. Try and make him understand things in a calm manner. Try n talk with him that u don' t have a habit of staying in a messy environment.and try to wind up the mess as soon as he does it so that he gets a msg that u are really not comfortable with the same.

Take care
n cherish what u have