Relationships  Discussion Forum

I have been married for 5 years. and I have 4 years of cute son . We are in US. We both working in differnt places. he Visits everyweekend.

Last weekend when he was here , He called to his parents , the speaker phone was ON. They were talking this and that .. at last MY FIL telling to my husband that

\" Looks like THAT MAN is worst and they r not going to finalize their son' s marriage soon and looking for a well off girl it seems and they wont get cheated like us \"
In fact MY dad is welloff than my FIL' s family . recently MY FIL constructed big big houses and started seeing money from us. I dont kno win what way he thinks that v r cheated them . Bcoz its purely Arranged Marriage . that tooo they were so interested. they demanded too much . my dad said how much he can . at last they came ^ agreed upon for marriage.

Note : He mentioned MY DAD as that man ( in local native language) and we are not looking for a girl like that .. thats the other story

I was bit eager to know what he is going to talk next . meanwhile my hubby cut the phone

Here my problem is ,

1. Y my hubby cut the phone ? Y he is hiding something from me and Y he is trying to protect his parents ?
2. My hubby would have informed my FIL that what is happening in our side ? ( He know whats the problem in finalizing a girl for my brother ) .
3. WHen he mentioned MY dad as THAT MAN . He would have told him Y u r mentioning him as THAT MAN
4. WHen my FIL told \" Cheated by US \" ... He would have atleast had a word abt whats wrong with this... or tried to cinvince him or something . that too 5 years of marital life .

After hearing those words from my FIL I hate my life like anything ... I too work here .. I am an ER. when u r getting this type of statements from inlaws or husbby is not responding , feel like
Y I should be in that marriage .. I can convince myself that its silly matter, but I couldnt able to dijest this . IT really hurted , LAst 3 days I am so depressed and crying a lot in house and office .

Pls someone help me what shall I do ?

After this I hate my hubby like anything . I bursted . I told him get out of my life . removed his mangal sutra and gave to him .

WHen v r not getting self esteem in the marital life no pt in being with that life . a friend replied. Your FIL would not have talked like that in that phone call if he had not done that before!..If your hubby had not encouraged his parents they would not have talked or feel about you & your family this way..This is the truth...
But that does not mean that you have to hate your hubby now!.
That is a bad trait in him to talk or encourage to talk bad about your parents in your absence.
The dosage of punishment that you hgave given him (by asking him to get out of yoru life & mangal sutra ) will set him right...Now Tell him this ' I cannot live with you until you keep talking bad about my family like this.If I again find out if you did that then I d not knwo what I am going to do..'
or something in these lines whatever you want to say..
I am sure he will be alright from nwo..
the fact that you are so shocked shows that your hubby had from the beginning concealed all the bad talkings of his parents about your parents from You...In future atleast he will make sure his people respect your people..Do Not Worry. If not you atleast your son needs daddy..There are worser situations than this .Just imagine if you had caught your Hubby talking like that about your parents to some one?. Now that is worse..Move on..Calm down..Cheer Up Ritika replied. First - go get a glass of cold water, drink it and cool down.

Second - Give all the galis you can think of to yr FIL (alone). That will get a big load off you.

Third - Go for a walk. A looong one.

Think about whether your 5 yrs of marital life has been good or not.

If good - then it is worth it to stick it out I think.

The specific issue you are mentioning - why dont you coolly ask your husband - why did he allow his father to talk like that?

Just wait for him to answer...dont go on with your angry words. If he doesnt have a valid explanation, tell him that he needs to tell his dad next time that it is unacceptable for him to talk like that abt his wife and his wife' s father.

Frankly people who take dowry etc - I dont have a high opinion of these kind of families or men. They are shallow, greedy and discriminatory to women...Anyways, I' m digressing...