Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi,

First thing first.... i apologise for saying that MIL are monster in law..... actually not all MIL are bad some are very gd treat DIl are there own daughter..... i became so frusted in past 2-3 days that it was just my outburst...

from last 2-3 days my hubby is behaving differently to jealous me..... we are talking but not physical contact ... he is kissing our son all the tm to make me jealous... which i am not paying much attn..... he is now not even hugging me in mor.... lets see kab tak aisaa chaltaa hai...

i know dear dia.... MIl' s become inseacure after their son' s marriage thats why they do all this kisnd of silly things.... my MIL too look deep into eyes when giving head massage to son or son kiing him.... ven when my sil is ard she too looks at me in a nasty manner when my hubby kisses her mother..... i never told my hubby to kiss me infront of my inlaws... but atleast in mor he can give me a give... that he forgets easly... i dont know why...

yesterday when my son was going to sleep than i told him to touch dadi' s feet as said it loudly that before sleep everyone shd touch elders feet ( every day she was insting my son to kiss her before sleeping... starting same kinda routine with my son too.... i will not let it happen)

AND I WD LIKE TO SHARE HERE WITH EVERYONE THAT MY FIL IS GENEULY GD PERSON...

i donnot know why dil & mil/sil always have some prob... may be both are insecure.... and than i feel hubby shd try to strike a balance between the two..... he shd be mature enogh to sense MIL intention (if she is unneccessary trying to show his uphand on her son)

ok take care bye to eyerone... be intouch
hh

From the day my wife walked to my home she is been treated as a daughter, my parent are the one who treated her as their own blood. My dad had always kissed my wife and my bhabhi. My mom never ever had problem with that. She always takes proud on that, as her husband was treating both daughters-in-law as daughters. My mother is treating the same way. She never compares my wife with my bhabhi and vice versa.

I know what do you mean by all mother and mother-in-law are different, no doubt about it. Fingers are never same but hh mentioned ALL men are hypocrite and ALL mothers-in-law are monster-in-law. She is generalizing without thinking. Which is not acceptable, Not all men are pampered by their mother. Her husband is lucky to have mother with him and giving him foot massage. There are so many people out there aren’t lucky to have their mother or father with them all the time. I have lost my father and only I know the pain but my wife was more heart broken when she know she lost a father and not a father-in-law.

Hi The One,
Glad to see ur parents treating DILs as daughters and my own mother had such god like inlaws . I´ ve seen many such good inlaws and good DILs in my relatives. But I sincerely advice u to not to see anything only frm parents perspective .Ok ,Parents r great and they need respect at their old age whether girls´ s parents or BOy´ s parents.
But Proably u must be feeling... due to typical Indian woman mentality, families r ruining. I somehow could see this feeling in ur reply to hh.

But Do u know The-One? I came from a family where I never seen ego problems or any kind clashes btwn my mom and my grand parents(Dad´ s parents) .My dad side relatives come frequently and treat us with love and we r having fun with them without any fears or worries.

NOW,I want to tell u another living angle in this Inlaws and DIL relation.

I´ m married to my hubby and came this home. My mil had no relations at all with her inlaws and only she get along with her mother side relatives.That too she is elder so everyone listens there . She never call her MIL nor take care of her. Ok, I accept she must have suffered from mil. So she is taking revenge. But thier compliant is my FIL´ s mother didnt give them money when they needed. And always she used to illtreat my mil. That must be true.



Now My mil´ s intension is to give everything to daughter and for achieving it, she wants to prove me I´ m not fair DIL . I do everything fr them, Knowing their greedy natures, I became myself broadminded and gifted out of range. I do my best to impress them and talk very sweet and nice. So when thye have nothing to complain about me they stay nice with me. When we celebrate any function, She creates some or other drama. Actually she wants to use any occassion to spoil my image in relatives so that she can give everything to her daughter without getting any q´ s from anyone.
To achieve this , She humiliates me severely to get a word frm my mouth as a reaction, which she can cook up some story around my words. SO I never talk when she humiliates , because just due to tha, she would spoil all my image. I control myself alot.
Ok, even then , Once she humiliated verymuch in my hubby´ s absence,and my hubby suggested me to spend 1weekat my parents place. In my absence, She lied many many things and tried her best to spoil relation in btwn me and hubby. My hubby saw she was illtreating me but I dont know y he believed her to that extent, (He knows my nature well,I cant even answer back to my neighbours) Still he could believe all the lies and came to parents home, Took me out to restaurant and scolded me for things I have never said. EVEN he didnt give me chance to say him those r lies. He asked me to go and die for making his saint mother sad....!!!!!!Q! SAD!


All she wanted is proving me bad. Though I try to be nice with them.I TOO BELIEVE IN RESOLVING ISSUES WITH LOVE THAN DEMANDS. But tell me way to deal with this ladY? She is ok in my presence in normal days, becasue I spend weekend and behave sweet without giving any chance. I alwasy live in fear whta step she would take to spoil my hubby´ s love towards me.
She is greedy that counts even a penny . Though she has money (my FIl is retired in decent job). Also she is getting lakhs of rupees from her MIL (FIL´ s mom has many properties).STILL she will take money from her own son for minor expenditures she spent for us. Where as every year, She buy gold for her daughter worth Rs.Lakh and many gifts officially and unofficially. I never mind it because I never expect anything from old couples.But we r married for 5yrs. She never bought single dress for her son. When it comes for traditions, she buy for me and my daughter (That too she makes up while taking double money from son)but never buy for her son. And says , her son and she r not separate. Ok, but atleast she can buy fr his birthday ,right??

But never. When my baby born she bought a big amount of gold for herself and her daughter(FYI, MY SIL /HER DAUGHTER and SonINLAW R V.WELL SETTLED IN LIFE AND EARNING HANDSOME MONEY) but not has given me anything but gave to my baby something. BUT A BIG SHOCK TO ME IS THAT ,SHE TOOK DOuBLE MONEY for the gold from my hubby. They take money for any major expenditure for household and occassionally my hubby give them .I never mind becasue A son has to look after them (Though,they r in sound position and never need money at all frm son).

All her intension is being greedy with son and giving entire properties to daughter . IT IS very clear. EVen my hubby must have known it.I never discuss these things with him with a fear it might seem as complaints. That good manners I have. But in turn, What I´ m getting??? He scold me while believing all her lies.

Recently she humiliated me again in my function and I could said this to hubby just to be precautious not to become victim for what I´ ve not done. Seems now he understood what I´ m going thru but I never said him to question his mother for her actions .Just I asked him to support me when time comes.

See, this is my position. I never expect money from inlaws and I´ m ok with we loosing money while giving them gifts according to their expectations. Still, she couldnt digest the fact I´ m getting good name in relatives or even at my hubby and myFIL ( my FIL knows I´ m fair-minded,but still never can say word against her ).Even my SIl´ s son is being brought up by my mil and FIl just to make my FIL´ s love turn totally towarfds him ,And to make my FIl responsible to his studies and expenditures in future. Its all strategic.But I love SIl´ s children and that boy too affectionate to me ,which is again sour to my mil.


Her main goal is to spoil my image in her hubby´ s (my FIL´ s ) View. Becasue he is the one ,sometimes feel guilty for not giving me gold when he buy in bigamount while spending lakhs of rupees. So she want to cut his affection proving I´ m not worth it.

So, TheOne, Pl tell me, In this situation how can I get along nicely with my mil?Though as this humiliating process is not on regular basis, I bear with her and talk sweet as if nothing happened.
But her intensions r dangerous, So I´ m worried how to save my image. She did it many times wantedly. I dont know my hubby knows it or not,but she tried to sour our b´ tiful relation btw me and hubby.My hubby is loving but as his mother does things in his absence and tell him in otherway while being sweet to him, He cant see her colors.We got affected many tiems but at last now my hubby little bit understood my view .

But I´ m not sure he´ ll be same . If he spend one day with his mom in my absence, she can spoil all the trust and love he has built for me with her Sugar COAted words and emotional dramas.

MIL has no poblems with me at all. i listen to what she says and follow. Everytime I take her advice to satisfy her ego.
I do the best to make realtion best . But still when OPP comes she creates dramas .What shd I do in this case?


So theone, I´ m asking u because I saw u were telling some issus can be resolved only wiht love and not with demands.
I´ ve been loving and caring for them but she never say a word and instead, scolds me indirectly when her relatives r around .She scolds me in a way everyone knows she is accusing ´ me´ but i cant answer due to the fear she would make scene.

Lately, in this function her own relatives could come and tell me , though she scold me I ve to bear and they know I´ m lovign and affectionate towards everyone. It relieved me alot. And now littlebit free from worry. But this is in her hands ,she can create lies, and everyone around her listen to her including her son and my hubby.
HOW CAN I LIVE MY LIFE WITHOUT INSECURITY FEELING???

In my circle I have good name and everyone praise that I am matured and can analyse manythings in positive way .I Even resolve my friends problems and been very best guide to my hubby in his career issues and personal decisions.
But ,Still I can´ t resolve this sensitive issue and can´ t live securely that my hubby will be there for me and again never believe in false things...

I know this is simple mil-dil issue and someday she would realise she need me and my love.(Actually,I think she has no intensions to be in sons home and thinks to spend with her daughteR).

But ,I´ m afraid when she would extend her jaws to scare me and sour me and my hubby´ s relation.Now I´ m talking to her normal and nice like anyday. But she could sense that my hubbby somehow understood me. So she is like a LION with great hunger.So this time she would cook up something bigggg to spoil my hubby´ s love. This is my present worry.
Anyone can help ! Thanks for reading loong Post.

Thanks Dia,
I too have similar experience like mil observing me deep in to my eyes while DH lying in her lap.
Thanks for sharing and analysing ! Now I feel I' m not alone and there are some cases like mine. I too dont like to argue with DH on this kind of stuff.So I try to ignore such issues.